The following post illustrates yet again that I havne't grown up as yet.
So there I was happily listening to woold saangs. Unfortuantely my speakers had a loose connection somewhere (just like the owner) and from time to time produced a few gems.

Song: Aaja Piya- by Lata Mangeshkar
Aaja piya tohe (blank) doon
......
dede mere haath mein
.......
oho (blank) mera lele.
main (blank) teri leloon.

This one had me rolling on the floor. Such a nice song.I can't listen to it without snickering anymore.Tchah!

As I was getting my daily fix, of the internet. I came across this strange headline.
"Indian Athlete Fails Sex Test"

I ahd a huge rush of thoughts including
'Whoa! is sex a competetive event now?'
"How dumb does one have to be to fail a sex test"
"We have a population of over a billion, surely some of us must know SOMETHING about sex, Why doesn't the IOA send them"
"Ok, if (s)he is a guy running with a bunch of girls, (s)he still only won a silver medal. What does that speak about the state of Indian sports, even the guys get beaten by a bunch of girls"

Maybe (s)he came second because she wasn't too good at Hindi, see (s)he must have heard on the phone while trying to phone home (much like ET) "Aap Quatar main hain krupya pratiksha keejiye" ....need I say more. Struggling with Wait problems.

there was a little voice that said, "stop making fun of her/him unless you want Bobby Darling and Sylvie to do morcha in front of your house."
Let me then make fun of someone else.
The best reaction to all of this came not from the T.N Govt. (who have announced a gift of 15 lakhs to her,)
but from some highly intellignet chap who on yahoo answers asked
"Indian runner Santhi Soundarajan has failed a gender test. Could this be a cause of global warming?"

Poor old global warming, gets blamed for everything. Now whats next? Maybe thats why the cricket team lost the ODI series to South Africa, Global Warming.

Why didn't you submit your assigment? global warming

Why are you staring at that woman. Global warming...yeah she's so hot she must be increasing the temperature at least by a couple of degrees.
So the next time your girlfriend(s) catch(es) you staring at some hot chick, you know what to say. It won't work, but still...

So Anton Balasingham is dead. He was the 'mane' spokesperson for the LTTE

How to lose friends and influence people in a bad way. By Bail Carnage.

I am going to write a book about the above, Why you ask? Well gentle reader its for the same reason the male member of the cannine species licks its own organs of reproduction. Because it can. No, I dont mean I can lick a dog's bollocks, nor do I ever want to. Get your mind out of the gutters for once and listen (err read). I have had vast experience of the events described in the heading. Some of them are given here for your reading err pleasure

Friend: You know Aus. When I first met you I thought you were nasty and superficial.
Me: Well, When I first met you I thought you had nice tits.
SLAP.
Me: What? You mean you don't? It was all a show?
SLAP
Me: If it helps, I still think you do.
SLAP SLAP SLAP
Me: You are wrong you know, I am nasty deep down also. Nothing superficial about my nastiness.

At a pub
Person: Excuse me, (pointing to my cigarette) would you mind putting it out.
Me : Oh sure.
Person: Hey! That was my glass you threw your sutta in.
Me: Well you did want it out.


Friend: How do I look
Me: Dude! Who picked your clothes? Imaam sahab from Sholay?
Friend: Bastard, My dad did re.
Me: I didn't know Stevie wonder was your dad.

CLEAR!! Wzzzzzzzztttttt.
That is what is needed to get this blog back to life.A defibrillator.
Before this blog becomes a Palentologist's wet dream I had better do somehting to bring it back to life.

So yes MPs and Greg Chappell. M.P.s who can neither govern efficiently, nor tell a cricket bat from the reproductive organs of a Komodo Dragon, have now become cricket experts.
Dip in performance? I don't think so. When compared to the Ganguly-Wright combination, I would believe that overall performance is about the same. I'm too lazy to actually go look this up, so some of the enthu pakodas among the readers (all 3 of you, i.e 3 readers not 3 enthu pakodas) go do the needful.

Here is a question.
If you were smuggling condoms into Somalia. Would you be running a protection racket?

So, I saw this shop selling a very interestingly named brand of ice cream. It was called Scallops ice cream. Is it just me or is there something fishy about that.

How do you know if your country has a great judicial system?

When after 59 years of independence, the Chief Justice of the country says " I have asked judges to go by evidence before them"
I can hear what sounds like claps (or slaps) no no its not people fighting against dengue and chikun gunya. Its the sound of various judges slapping their heads and going "Evidence! damn! I knew i forgot something"

How did they dole out justice before this revolutionary new concept of 'evidence' came up? Play fastest finger first? Molesters have unfair advantage in fastest fingerer first, they are there 'cause of their fingering abilities wonly.
Was it like "pick a card, any card...your card is 9 of spades? Thats 9 years hard labour (get it..spades)
Maybe even Tambola. The chap who gets a 'full house' goes to the 'big house'

Why reveal this to them now? Why spoil the surprise at this juncture? Who wil buy the law books to find out who went to jail . Whodunnits are not important, never mind who dunnit, Whocopstheblames are now in vogue.
Speaking of Cops and Blame and all that...(plays Delhi Police theme song)...See I watched CSI and all the various spin off serials, so it is just a tad dissapointing when I come to hear that apne wonderful crime scene specialists, destroyed evidence by attempting to preserve DNA sample in the wrong medium, not english or telugu but formalin. Apparently formalin does to DNA what Australia does to India on the cricket field.



Samples generally considered unsuitable for testing with current techniques include embalmed bodies (with the possible exception of bone or plucked hairs), pathology or fetal tissue samples that have been immersed in formaldehyde or formalin for more than a few hours (with the notable exception of pathology paraffin blocks and slides ), and urine stains. Other samples such as feces, fecal stains, and vomit can potentially be tested, but are not routinely accepted by most laboratories for testing. Source

Ay dharti ke chaand sitaron.
Ay dharti ke chaand sitaron
Makeodon, patharaan nakko maaro.
- Anon.

Sorry for the prolonged absence. Wait a moment who am I talking to, even I no longer read this little cloud of dust in cyberspace. I had better watch out, I hear the great celestial vaccum cleaner is on the prowl. He sucks big time.
There is so much dust on this blog that a neem tree has taken root, maybe I could wait a while, let this sapling grow into a tree and give this blog an 'ethnic' feel, call it The Neem tree, and sell exhorbitantly prices 'ethnic' and 'fusion' wear.

You are not my type.

I ahve recieved numerus komplnts abotu ym ytping kills. Hwats rong eith it I say?

I have been trained in the Drunken Monkey style of typing from Shaolin Typing School, or more appropriately Shaolin tai-ping school.

Two reasons why I like birding.






Amazing Boobies.














And Great tits

Nostalgia.

Check this out

They found my rishtedaar in Ethiopia, its in the news and all. See here for the story

One of the 'benefits' of being retired is that you get to interact with that irritating section of society that goes about ruining your sleep. Precisely as you show your passport at the immigration desk to the land of Nod, they turn up and before you can say M.E.C.V. Raju's full name they deport you to the land of the living.Yes ladies and others, I mean door to door salesmen. Of late however, I have been taking my revenge. My favourite targets are those ill informed Aquaguard and R.O systems salesmen that waltz to my front gate and try to teach me Chemistry. Just like those professors in that gas chamb..err I meant the Chemistry department tried to do. I don't mean my profs ever waltzed...they might have done teen maar dance in their youth..but I digress. So these salesmen very persistantly try to teach me about e-boiling allegedly carried out by Ultra-violet rays. That woke me up, I spiritedly rose to the defense of these poor UV rays they maybe invovled in many dastardly acts, such as destroying the structure of DNA by forming Thymidine dimers, buit in this case they are totally innocent M'lord. They do not cause boiling, through internet or otherwise. (e-boiling? I've heard of being burnt in the dot com bust but this is too much.)....because...Your Hounour. They cannot. (excited murmurs in courtroom).Judge says Order order (one large royal stag on the rocks please). The salesman goes on to try and talk me out of boiling water.
S: Saar when boilings we are doings Yaxizen is going.
Me: What is going?
S: Yaxizen Yaxizen
(this guy must be related to that slaesman who darkened my door a year or so ago. I wrote a post about that chap as well)
Me: Oh Oxygen eh? So can you tell me how many ppm of oxygen would there be in a litre of water (not that I have any clue but then having been a teacher, I can fake it)
S: I don't know saar.
Me: Arey. So what if there is no oxygen in water?
S: saar health not good saar.
Me: Kindly explain to me in brief with the help of diagrams how one absorbs oxygen through the stomach.
Anyway, the long and the short of it being, I harassed the chap for about 15 minutes. I enjoyed it thoroughly..of course he didn't, but then who asked him to ring my bell in siesta time.

There are 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don't

Hilarious!

Orkut.

There I was randomly browsing profiles when i came across this one form a person who has listed under Passions "m lurning jazz now"

tsk tsk tsk...Where do I start.
Will someone please tell me how you can go and learn "jazz"
It reminds me of this sidey alleged music school that had an ad." Learn Guitar, Table, Violin and Jazz"
First it took me a minute to decipher "Table"..I was first under the impression that it was also an etiquette school that taught table manners on the side, then I thought that they were trying to give life to the old art form of playing a table.If you went to a college like the one I had the amazing experience of going to..they (fellow students) used all possible furniture as percussion instruments (as well as weapons when such a necessity arose) , these improvised percussion instruments were often used to render a lovely beat we call the teen mar. Please don't confuse it with Teen tal and ask me what "lay".I am after all a "lay" person. And no I am not talking about my sex life either.
Right teen mar..dont worry we were not abusing adolescents..no teens were being beaten up either. but I digress.
I finally figured out that the Table was a misprint..I ought to have read Tabla..
So now we move on to another interesting little item on the agenda. Jazz.
Pray tell how one goes about learning or teaching "jazz". I was very curious at the time. so I went to the address given, to see how he would teach me jazz.
I met the chap who called himself the "Master" (pronouced myaster) and promised to teach me "jazz" (pronounced Jyajj)...He looked like a darker,lighter(!!!) version of Bappi da...lighter as in weight,because because he did not have half as much jewellery (only 6 rings and 3 chains) . I felt happy. If not jyajj I will certainly learn abhout moojik.
This chap hadn't heard of Thelonious Monk.
When I asked him "so have you heard of Thelonius Monk?"..
He replied " Naya rum ka brand hai kya? Old Monk mafik?"
What about Miles Davis?
Merku miles nahin maaloom..lekin Piles ki takleef zaroor hai yarron..isliyeich main khadakke ich sikhatoon...tabla bhi khadakke ich sikhaatoon.
Charlie Parker?
Hau parking ku jyaga bahut hai.
Louis Armstrong
arey moojik bajare to finger aur arms bahut straang hote.

One 'arsehole' too many. Poor guy. RIP.

Stop the celebrations, I am not dead. I just took a vacation from taking a vacation. In the process, I missed out on making Vishesh Tippani (VT) on a number of intersting events such as Hair brained decision, and why cricket players shouldn't scratch their balls on a cricket field.(what about on a football field you ask? football fields are especially meant for giving "head' dunno about scratching and all).especially with 26 cameras beaming you doing so to millions of houses acroos the world (scratching balls, not giving head)would Mr Tendulkar please note)

Lesson learnt: Don't jump the gun....or the traffic signal.

I got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me
Life I love you, all is groovy
     - Simon and Garfunkel.

How would Mika celebrate Rakhi?