Is an excellent confidence trickster a super duper?

Thank you for the memories.

Keep the flag flying.

"So why do you Tams wear your lungis like that" she asked. Shaken from semi slumber (which I can fall into anyplace anytime, especially if you mention words like normal mode analysis), I very intelligently remark "Huh?". She repeats the question. and I launch into it as Sidhu used to launch into a well flighted delivery. Speaking of launch is that what bongs do at the Taj Bengal?
"Firstly its not a lungi its a Veshti"
" Same thing only, why but?" she asks
"Its like a flag flying at half mast. We do it to mourn the death of Tamil culture due to invasion of this alleged culture from the north. The north being anywhere above Sriharikota (speaking of launches yet again)."
But I digress we fly our flags..err our Veshtis at half mast and like Dougal McDougal we use our noses to play Abide with me. "
"Isn't that also an invasion of culture?" she very astutely points out.
"Well, ahem, yes, but some of us love the British (aka "the britishers aka verry decent fellows saar, not like these Americans scoundrels saar, all wearing only nicker and roaming here and there saar.). Also it allows the light sea breeze to cool the fundamentals. In the hot humid summer, there is nothing like a breeze cooling your future generations. After all isn't it a parents duty to ensure comfort of their young, both current and future? "

Jai Telangana
This is hilarious.The pink is for obvious reasons. :)

Guests.(aka The good, the bad and the Agli baar kabhi nahin)

There are various types of guests as mentioned above. Some guests are nice well behaved, and when they come to stay they don't use too much water and even help out..so thats great. People who fall into that category are always a pleasure to have. These are usually people you know quite well so its fun also.

There are those guests who are horribly inconsiderate. Wake up late, inconsiderately ask for coffee and chai at odd hours..basically behave the same way I do. But then they make up for it all by treating one to dinner somewhere lots of sins are forgiven on a near bursting stomach.

Then there are those who crib. these second rates sons of sword swallowers behave as if we've put them into Gulag 3. Ooh why don't you have water..it just ran out I only showered for half an hour! The food is too bland...later now it's too spicy. Behaving like prize pricks. (Prize pricks..I didn't know there were such competitions. I just hope they don't actually PIN the blue ribbon on the victorious member)
They are welcome to write about their experiences in the realm of the Australopithecus, giving Alexander Solzhenitsyn competition(after wining the prize pricks and dickhead awards,,they fancy themselves) Luckily we've had only one such person forcibly thrust on us.

Now there are some guests who are horribly nosy...always sticking thier noses into business that doesn't concern them..e.g "who was that girl who called for you?" "why do your parents allow you to go out so late at night.?" ."what is this green stuff I found in your cupboard" . Behenchod! none of your friggin' business....These are not guests. These are the Guestapo. They have "Vays to mek me Tok" alright..but when I talk( or tok in German subtitles) its definitely not PG rated.

Guests may be good bad or nasty..they are always interesting.

M: we have and old comp 3-4 years old maybe i need new 256 ram and i'm expected to do high level graphics... :O me: aapka computer RAM bharose chalra M: : :| me: ooh i got to blog that..

"No Cummins, no goings"

So I state again, I have very little to do. I occupy my time watching vague stuff on TV. Last night/this morning I spent my time watching the exhilarating Kenya v/s Canada match. One comment. Anderson Cleophas Cummins. (Cleophas..snigger snigger). Cummins earler played for the West Indies in the early 90s. Was it just my imagination or was the 40 year old Cummins (41 this May) bowling faster than what 22 year old Irfan Pathan is sending down these days.
What amazing fitness I say! To be playing sports at the international level at his age. At this ripe old age of 20 odd I find it difficult to get off the sofa and look for the remote control. This laziness is also one of the reasons I actually watched the game in the first place. It is also responsible for my watching such lovely teleshopping commercials like super slicer and slim sauna belt (the 'babe' in it has nothing to do with it I assure you).
Some might remember Cummins from his role in the Barbados match v/s South Africa. The enthu lot among you who actually bothered to visit the link might remark..Hey! he is not even listed in the scorecard. That is true. When Cummins , a native of Barbados, was left out of the team, the public decided to..no no they didn't burn effigies of Greg Chappel, regional news channel didn't exisit solely because of this event. They didn't even burn down Kensington Oval. They merely boycotted the match. They held aloft a banner proclaming "No Cummings, No Goings" which i thought was hilarious at the time.
When you are most famous for a game you didn't play...

Absolutes.
There are none. There is no absolute right, or absolute wrong. There is, however, Absolut Vodka.

As all of you know, I have very little to do, so I spend my time reading newspapers and watching vague news channels. Especially some extremely biased Hindi news channel, these are the most interesting. It is just like reading communist propaganda (courtsey CPI(ML) ).
Somethings been getting my goat. SMS polls and contests. They started out fine, some quite interesting even. But predictably, they run out of things to ask. This lead us to gems like this one on (I think it was DD news)

1) Who will win the world cup.
A) India B) Sri Lanka

SMS your answers to...blahblahblah

Right! The other teams are there only for the free food is it? Thanks for coming, sorry there is no return gift. You can have this helmet though, it might protect you from the stoning in your home country ( Attn: Chris Gayle..not that kind of getting stoned)

Come on. Who thinks up dumb questions like that. Worse still who spends the princely amount of Rs 6 to participate in such contest. I mean, its not something of earth shattering importance like this one in Deccan Chronicle and I quote

"Which local socialite got married in a lavish manner in Delhi?"
Three choices were given (if you want them go read DC)

It surely a matter of national, nay, international importance. Faaltu issues like Environment, Education and Food security pale in comparison. How will I ever survive without having an opinion/knowledge of such important questions.

Jeev Milkha Singh : Punjab da Putter?


Pinprick but Punjab?

Kya aap shawarma roll khayenge?
Nahin hum dining room mein khaate.

Is desh kya yaaron kya kehana.
Part 1 : Yeh desh hai veer jawaano ka.
(with apologies to Plum)

The Army was abolished with help of Social Justice NGOs, as it has inherent class system, jawans can’t sip whiskey in the DSOA club with Generals and so on, so it was proposed, by various groups to remove this class distinction. “How can you have such a caste system in the army” they cried, “when all men are born equal”. “Henceforth all personnel will have the rank of General and then they can ‘social’ise together wherever they want”. If that isn’t true social justice, I don’t know what is. It seems to work fine in many South American and African republics. And they are all doing very well. They have even got together an OPEC type organisation and export items of clothing, under the brand name “Banana Republic”. As a result of this there was as one would expect) large-scale confusion.

General Somu (formerly Sep. Somu) wonders why he should apply gheru and chunna to the trees when General Singh (formerly General Singh) should travel in his black staff car (with red light and four stars), therefore large scale fighting breaks out and as we all know the army has access to weapons…I will spare you the details…all I will say is that it gave a new meaning to the terms ‘Officer’s Mess’ and ‘General Insanity’. The long and the short of it is that, the army was disbanded and as they did not have a band, they could not march and perform drills.

Major to be new Air Chief Marshall !
Is this the biggest promotion in the history of the armed forces? Across service lines, from the Army to the Air Force.It could well be unless there was a General Naik running around somewhere.
Must have had a tough time at NDA when he would have been Cdt Major.

I can already hear people saying "kyoon tau fauj mein teer nahin maar sake to vayu sena main ghus gaye?"

But on a more serious note, if I remember correctly, this was the same chap who flew the helicopter in that cable car rescue incident sometime in the 90s, cause I remember making the same joke then.

The following post illustrates yet again that I havne't grown up as yet.
So there I was happily listening to woold saangs. Unfortuantely my speakers had a loose connection somewhere (just like the owner) and from time to time produced a few gems.

Song: Aaja Piya- by Lata Mangeshkar
Aaja piya tohe (blank) doon
......
dede mere haath mein
.......
oho (blank) mera lele.
main (blank) teri leloon.

This one had me rolling on the floor. Such a nice song.I can't listen to it without snickering anymore.Tchah!

As I was getting my daily fix, of the internet. I came across this strange headline.
"Indian Athlete Fails Sex Test"

I ahd a huge rush of thoughts including
'Whoa! is sex a competetive event now?'
"How dumb does one have to be to fail a sex test"
"We have a population of over a billion, surely some of us must know SOMETHING about sex, Why doesn't the IOA send them"
"Ok, if (s)he is a guy running with a bunch of girls, (s)he still only won a silver medal. What does that speak about the state of Indian sports, even the guys get beaten by a bunch of girls"

Maybe (s)he came second because she wasn't too good at Hindi, see (s)he must have heard on the phone while trying to phone home (much like ET) "Aap Quatar main hain krupya pratiksha keejiye" ....need I say more. Struggling with Wait problems.

there was a little voice that said, "stop making fun of her/him unless you want Bobby Darling and Sylvie to do morcha in front of your house."
Let me then make fun of someone else.
The best reaction to all of this came not from the T.N Govt. (who have announced a gift of 15 lakhs to her,)
but from some highly intellignet chap who on yahoo answers asked
"Indian runner Santhi Soundarajan has failed a gender test. Could this be a cause of global warming?"

Poor old global warming, gets blamed for everything. Now whats next? Maybe thats why the cricket team lost the ODI series to South Africa, Global Warming.

Why didn't you submit your assigment? global warming

Why are you staring at that woman. Global warming...yeah she's so hot she must be increasing the temperature at least by a couple of degrees.
So the next time your girlfriend(s) catch(es) you staring at some hot chick, you know what to say. It won't work, but still...

So Anton Balasingham is dead. He was the 'mane' spokesperson for the LTTE

How to lose friends and influence people in a bad way. By Bail Carnage.

I am going to write a book about the above, Why you ask? Well gentle reader its for the same reason the male member of the cannine species licks its own organs of reproduction. Because it can. No, I dont mean I can lick a dog's bollocks, nor do I ever want to. Get your mind out of the gutters for once and listen (err read). I have had vast experience of the events described in the heading. Some of them are given here for your reading err pleasure

Friend: You know Aus. When I first met you I thought you were nasty and superficial.
Me: Well, When I first met you I thought you had nice tits.
SLAP.
Me: What? You mean you don't? It was all a show?
SLAP
Me: If it helps, I still think you do.
SLAP SLAP SLAP
Me: You are wrong you know, I am nasty deep down also. Nothing superficial about my nastiness.

At a pub
Person: Excuse me, (pointing to my cigarette) would you mind putting it out.
Me : Oh sure.
Person: Hey! That was my glass you threw your sutta in.
Me: Well you did want it out.


Friend: How do I look
Me: Dude! Who picked your clothes? Imaam sahab from Sholay?
Friend: Bastard, My dad did re.
Me: I didn't know Stevie wonder was your dad.

CLEAR!! Wzzzzzzzztttttt.
That is what is needed to get this blog back to life.A defibrillator.
Before this blog becomes a Palentologist's wet dream I had better do somehting to bring it back to life.

So yes MPs and Greg Chappell. M.P.s who can neither govern efficiently, nor tell a cricket bat from the reproductive organs of a Komodo Dragon, have now become cricket experts.
Dip in performance? I don't think so. When compared to the Ganguly-Wright combination, I would believe that overall performance is about the same. I'm too lazy to actually go look this up, so some of the enthu pakodas among the readers (all 3 of you, i.e 3 readers not 3 enthu pakodas) go do the needful.

Here is a question.
If you were smuggling condoms into Somalia. Would you be running a protection racket?

So, I saw this shop selling a very interestingly named brand of ice cream. It was called Scallops ice cream. Is it just me or is there something fishy about that.

How do you know if your country has a great judicial system?

When after 59 years of independence, the Chief Justice of the country says " I have asked judges to go by evidence before them"
I can hear what sounds like claps (or slaps) no no its not people fighting against dengue and chikun gunya. Its the sound of various judges slapping their heads and going "Evidence! damn! I knew i forgot something"

How did they dole out justice before this revolutionary new concept of 'evidence' came up? Play fastest finger first? Molesters have unfair advantage in fastest fingerer first, they are there 'cause of their fingering abilities wonly.
Was it like "pick a card, any card...your card is 9 of spades? Thats 9 years hard labour (get it..spades)
Maybe even Tambola. The chap who gets a 'full house' goes to the 'big house'

Why reveal this to them now? Why spoil the surprise at this juncture? Who wil buy the law books to find out who went to jail . Whodunnits are not important, never mind who dunnit, Whocopstheblames are now in vogue.
Speaking of Cops and Blame and all that...(plays Delhi Police theme song)...See I watched CSI and all the various spin off serials, so it is just a tad dissapointing when I come to hear that apne wonderful crime scene specialists, destroyed evidence by attempting to preserve DNA sample in the wrong medium, not english or telugu but formalin. Apparently formalin does to DNA what Australia does to India on the cricket field.



Samples generally considered unsuitable for testing with current techniques include embalmed bodies (with the possible exception of bone or plucked hairs), pathology or fetal tissue samples that have been immersed in formaldehyde or formalin for more than a few hours (with the notable exception of pathology paraffin blocks and slides ), and urine stains. Other samples such as feces, fecal stains, and vomit can potentially be tested, but are not routinely accepted by most laboratories for testing. Source

Ay dharti ke chaand sitaron.
Ay dharti ke chaand sitaron
Makeodon, patharaan nakko maaro.
- Anon.

Sorry for the prolonged absence. Wait a moment who am I talking to, even I no longer read this little cloud of dust in cyberspace. I had better watch out, I hear the great celestial vaccum cleaner is on the prowl. He sucks big time.
There is so much dust on this blog that a neem tree has taken root, maybe I could wait a while, let this sapling grow into a tree and give this blog an 'ethnic' feel, call it The Neem tree, and sell exhorbitantly prices 'ethnic' and 'fusion' wear.