Breaking news,

A large grizzly bear was found roaming the streets of Tripoli. Said bear was found to speak! Unfortunately no one could understand the bears deafening cries. However, researchers on board the Greek vessel C.R.V Papadapolus (not to be confused with the Papad police, you know, those working in certain restaurants, who do not give you an extra papad in "plate meals")sailing in the Mediterranean Sea were in an ideal position to listen and record these rantings. They were stunned when they were able to recognize a few English phrases in all the gibberish. Our intrepid reporters listened to this recording and all they could make out were the words, Suppress Oppress and Depress.

Eye witnesses have described this ursine entity to sketch artists who have then created an image of what this entity could look like. Those readers who are currently in the vicinity of North Africa should exercise caution -and wear ear plugs and avoid banana bajji at all costs.

Sources in high places (ie those up a tree hiding from this creature) tell us that this bear like creature could be among the many mercenaries hired by the Qaddafi - the man who put the dick in dic(k)tator to, you guessed it, suppress oppress and depress his subjects.

I didn't know you could suppress, oppress and depress subjects, in school it was the subjects that suppressed oppressed and depressed me. Especially maths.

Other sources tell us that this is a complete lie, this entity is merely a tourist stuck in Libya,who is looking for some food.

Further sources tell us that the entity is merely looking for the editor of a certain Tamil magazine which shall remain nameless. They also tell us that there are WMDs in Iraq and the Yeti married the third cousin of the Abominable snowman (or snowperson to be politically correct, as this post is mainly about politics). As of now this whole thing remains unclear.

Watch this space for more.

An "artist's rendition" of entity is given below.

Is Gouda cheese popular in Karnataka?

No more Mubarak allowed in Egypt,

How will they wish each other for Eid?

A: So wait, what if the girls don't come to your party? It'll be a complete sausage fest!!
B: Yes, indeed the Wurst case scenario.

Confessions to the Significant Other

A: Err... Lucy, I don't know how to say this to you..umm
Lucy: What? Say na?
A: Err see umm
L: What is it? Are you breaking up with me? Do you have a fetish for farmyard animals,
Did you cheat on me with a bearded female midget?
A: err no, It's far more serious.
L: Bastard, if you don't spit it out I will murder you.
A: Ok. Here goes.deep breath.I have recently become a Ravi Teja fan
L: WTF!NO! This can't be. I wish it had been the bearded midget or something I can deal with. But this, how can you do this to me! Bastard!
A: err. sorry. but while I am confessing, may I also say I am a Balakrishna and Nagarjuna fan as well.
L: Those I can take, but this. How could you....
A: It's not the whole story, I even plan to watch Ravi Teja's forthcoming release first day.
L: Sigh. Na karma!

Is this what happened to Juulian Assange?

You know you hang out too much with the liberal arts type when you read metamorphic rocks as metaphoric rocks, and not just once or twice may I add.

The main question is why I'm whiling away my time reading about metamorphic rocks on wikipedia when I should ideally be working.Procrastination. I am so bad, I sometimes even procrastinate, procrastination. To know the secret and to join the endless cycle of "unproducticity" keep reading this blog :P

So, the other day, an illiterate clown was elected to the Brazilian congress. See this.
Now this is why Brazil will someday overtake the US. Here, where illiterate clowns are elected to congress, no one is surprised. In Brazil, it makes international news.

Dear James Anderson,

When they said you need to get ready for the Boxing day test, I don't think this is what they meant.

Regards
Australopithecus.

Sigh. Don't tell me all this "I like it..." business is in aid of breast cancer again.
First there were posts giving information on underwear colour, now this? Firstly, I don't know how it helps raise awareness about breast cancer, piles, genital warts, supernumerary nipple syndrome or whatever anyone is raising awareness about. That is the point,how is being cryptic helping to get the message across? Also, why does breast cancer receive so much footage, not like getting leukemia or lung cancer is any better, is this like an advertising drive? Don't get any of those cancers, those are strictly for the serfs, die like a toff, get XYZ cancer instead.

But seriously, look at the statistics from the WHO website
* lung (1.3 million deaths/year)
* stomach (803 000 deaths)
* colorectal (639 000 deaths)
* liver (610 000 deaths)
* breast (519 000 deaths)

So why do the other cancers not have people running for them, selling pink ribbons, wrist bands and bumper stickers and so on?

Well one could argue , that a large number of Lung cancer cases are preventable, don't smoke -or live in the vicinity of the Panjagutta circle.

Eating more veggies, they say, could reduce incidence of colorectal cancer,

Liver, well nothing much you can do about that I'm thinking, don't sleep with Pamela Anderson for one and don't catch pesky Hepatitis or HPV infections.

More research is required (by me, I mean) but it's probably because breast cancer is easier to detect, and if caught early has high survival rates, in fact 5 year survival rates for people with breast cancer is over 80% among all age groups. However when looking at 10 year survival rates, it depends a lot on the stage it was detected in and so on, but doesn't look too good.

True, breast cancer is no laughing matter, but I still wonder, if updating your facebook status, leads to anything except frustu boys getting cheap thrills.

What is the song you'd sing after a really shitty end to a relationship
"Pyaar hame kis commode pe le aaya"

Oh well, that is one sin you might be avoiding.

Seen at a liquor store on Oak Tree Rd. Edison NJ.

Recycled joke

What do you call a military man who appreciates people's backsides.
A Rear- Admiral.

I would have thought he would have been a Navel man

If the New York Police Department is the NYPD, the Los Angeles Police Department is the LAPD- Is the Kuala Lumpur Police Department the KLPD?

Spot Fixing: Surf Excel hain na.

With all these betting and corruption waale shenanigans affecting cricket today, we are lucky to have a great man at the helm of the International Chutiya Council (ICC). Mr. Shared Power, is an expert in such matters, both in corruption and the second C in ICC. In fact some people say he puts the second C in the ICC;also the chutiya in the term Chutiyagiri (No relation to Shri V.V. Giri- it is however debated if one of the Vs stood for Vela in Shri VVG's name*).

Our correspondent Gummidipoondi Gunasekharan **, reports from the press conference, held by SP and other jokers err..people associated with the ICC. Oh and again by SP I meant the hard nosed Mr Power, nothing "Mulayam" about this SP.

Here are a few excerpts from the PC (again not talking about the Home minister, who shares initials with Press Conference, but given that he addresses so many of them, it does make one wonder)

Shared Power and his brother in arms-deals Asif Ali Sardardi release a joint statement, asking the perps why they did not receive a cut from any of this.

Shared Power also declared that foodgrains rotting in godowns players rotting on benches will be redistributed by PDS. In a related incident 3 people were killed in a lathi-charge and related violence in a ration shop in Chinna Chinta Kunta village, Mahbubnagar zilla, AP, after they received Saurabh Tiwari and Ashwin instead of wheat, rice and kerosene.

and finally,

Piles Clarke immediately demanded an inquiry headed by Paul Condom, to search for this seemingly invisible spot, and the location where it was "fixed".





*Again not to confuse with a similarly named "Golden Beach Resort" on the East Coast Road near Chennai. That would be VGP. Also wrt one of the V = Vela theory, it would then explain the day to day job of the President.
** Gummidipoondi always makes me chuckle, to my years it sounds like a possible vernacular term for a disease of the female private parts.

I don't know about you, but I see a few chinks in their armour.

Do old Hispanic gentlemen have Señor moments?

Fuck! It is official. Caffeine does not work very well on me,or maybe I am related to Kumbhakarna. So having procrastinated a lot as usual, I found myself with mountains to move in one night. Now as we do not have a degree in civil engineering,only in rude non engineering fields. Fields are for farmer dudes and those chaps creating database files.So speaking of Civil Engineers, does the Indian Army's Corps of Engineers have Civil Engineers? I know their officers are supposed to be gentlemen, so hence all engineers in the Army are Civil? So if I were serving in the EME...but I digress. Mountains moving and all that.

So yes. lots of work. No time for luxuries like sleep and all and this so what does one do, when one has consumed so much tea, that one could call himself Mr Tea and join the cast of the A-team. Well in such cases one allows oneself to be swayed by marketing hype. So for the first time ever, I went to the gas station, where, when I remarked about the sketchiness of the neighborhood..and the neighbor hoods, the desi gas station dude instilled confidence in me by telling me about the time a couple of years back when one of his employees was shot right outside at around the same time of the night. Ok. Nothing to fear but fear itself right...except double integrals, quantum physics and big black men wielding guns. Right so we get to the gas station and bu ourselves a 5 hour energy shot. Which has caffeine in it apart from a load of other dangerous stuff I am thinking, I didn't look at the back, reading all the crazy shit that goes inside would make me hesitate I thought. I just got home and downed it. So I leaned back in my chair and decided to start work in earnest...and the next thing I know was my house mate making chai early in the morning at 11 AM. Fuck this.

Random Diatribe.


I am old enough to know now that sometimes, life hands you lemons and then as the old saying goes you can make lemonade – or dishwashing soap, you know, the ones that are made from real lemons (aah, so that’s what happened to the reels from Kambakkt Ishq.) – Whatever floats your boat? That is alright, one generally recovers from such situation and if you are financially inclined (or fiscally fit as they say to retell an old joke or flog a dead horse. Same thing, only different – you don’t have money riding on the old joke for the 4 o’clock race.)

Aside -What time do they audition for the porno films? 4 o’cock. Well the shooting wasn’t till shaft past 6 anyway so there is no need to go off half cocked. If you don’t want to go off half cocked, do not stick your revolver in your waistband. Holsters were invented for reasons other than Clint Eastwood films and Louis L’Amour books you know…we also had Sudden, J.T. Edson and Max Brand. Now do not confuse Holsters and Hollister’s. A holster is something you stick your gun in…you do not want to go anywhere near a Hollister’s especially if you, like me, have the body (or as they say in good old Hyderabad “personality”) of a beached whale.

Anyhow, coming back to life (if some one says Pink Floyd I will do to you what the MNS buggers would like to do to bhaiyyas in Mumbai)

Now I forgot what point I was trying to make with all the economics business, anyhow, back to lemons, Mojitos and all that.
So as the Poojya Pitaji (P.P henceforth or Col. Sahab) once said tough times build character, but…
I don’t want character. I want to be Prem Chopra or Shakti Kapoor, Aaoo.Lalitha. Aaoo.

From the movie Saali Poori Gharwali

"Pager number?
173314

ek saat teen teen chaudah.

I laughed.