The chap who killed Gandhi was a huge asshole, you know.. Nathuram Goatse.

Right, those of you who know me offline know that I have been the victim of a receding hairline for quite sometime now. Now with economic times (or even mint) being as they are, the "recession" has only worsened. I decided to drastically change my hairstyle

I've had it cut very close and have grown my beard. You know the law of conservation of hair: hair can neither be created nor destroyed, It just moves from your head to all over the rest of your body - anyhow not being a blog dedicated to the whys and wherefores of personal grooming let me proceed to the matter at hand.

So yes the look I was aiming for is the excellent Bob Christo look. For those of you who do not know who the esteemed Mr Christo is, please jump in a dry well err no gentle reader please go now and pay homage to our new overlord..Google.

When the long suffering love of my life, Lucy, took a look at the pictures I uploaded immediately after the haircut.She snorted...no not drugs, get your mind out of the crack house- It was just a normal PG rated snort. Speaking of crack, I used to think, when I was a kid, that a crack whore was a prostitute who was extremely good at what she did, you know like a "crack regiment" or something....I wonder how many crack regiments are posted in Afghanistan - oh wait cocaine doesn't come from poppy. Perhaps from mommy then?

Would you call a person who only has butt sex for a financial consideration, a crack whore?

Anywho, I digress. So Lucy was all like "Bob Christo. You can't even make Rami Reddy on a good day"

Well I guess it is true for filmi henchmen, just as in any other profession. First you start small. Like being a sidekick to a small time eve teaser that harasses the hero's sister, then you move up to larger things like harassing heroines, looking on with a Tharki look on your face as the thakur attempts to outrage the modesty of random village girl, and so on. Then after a process of reviews and appraisals, carried out after each successful heist, robbery, thuggery or rape, you slowly move up the ranks. Until you reach the gold standard of well..err gold smuggler in the Hindi films of the 1970s. You can then chose to diversify your portfolio to drugs, diamonds or even Eastern European dancers who do item numbers in Allu Arjun films. I do not know which is more dangerous to sanity. Of course you could lose it all(money, sanity and self respect) when go down that deadly spiral of importing cheaply made fakes from China - you know Nickey and Robuck shoes, Giovanni musk after shave lotion / battery acid, Kannan cameras, Kashi-o and Trollex watches all sold at the finest shacks in Burma Bazaar, Madras (or to be politically correct - Myanmar Market, Chennai)


Speaking of Mints.

Monday to Friday i steal my neighbor's copy of the Mint. On Saturdays i gloat and savour each issue in a weirdly creepy way. Don't judge me, all I wanted was to lootofy paanch mint ka mazaa.

In Soviet Russia, all chefs are commis chefs.

Signs that you are in New Jersey.

1) They play bhangra pop music in strip clubs.
2) you can buy old monk rum, Haywards 5000 beer
3) YOu get pan pasand and Swad at the Indian store, speaking of Pan Pasand, I even saw Archana Joglekar in NJ.
4) Someone fills 'gas' for you. Unilke to the rest of the US (well except Oregon,I think) where you fill your own gas. Mostly desis.

5)Oh and you get junk mail like this.

Losing my touch.


A new cell was set up by interpol to monitor the illegal spice trade. What is worrying is that the spice and spice powder trade is used as a front to smuggle other types of "powders" if you know what I mean. It became quite famous this cell, I'm sure you've all heard about the Loung arm of the Law!

In other news, Rajnikanth pledged support last week to Anna Hazare, this week pesky overenthu photographers got a picture of him voting, and it was seen that the great man voted for ADMK. From Anna to Amma. Rajni is keeping it all in the family.

Rajnikanth listened to Rebecca Black's Friday on Tuesday.

Drunken Conversation. Part 32423.

A: Did you know...Aetna is the goddess of wisdom?
B: Oh I thought it was an Insurance company?
A: Correct. But who ever is the goddess of wisdom...Who is the goddess of Chandamama or even Champak.
B: Chacha Chaudhry!
A: Hey I said goddess.
B: Chacha Chaudhary is a transexual.
A: Then Sabu?
B: Look at him!!! always in leather chaddi and with big ear rings...he has to be gay.
A: That is stereotyping re fucker!! But wait... Sabu is CC's gay lover?
B: Ya! Well if he is transexual, I'm not sure how the gay lover part.....
A: So all the Volcano's "exploding" on Juptier....is that a euphemism for...
B: Yep!
A: Faaaaaaaaarkkkkk.


On a related note, have you seen this?

Breaking news,

A large grizzly bear was found roaming the streets of Tripoli. Said bear was found to speak! Unfortunately no one could understand the bears deafening cries. However, researchers on board the Greek vessel C.R.V Papadapolus (not to be confused with the Papad police, you know, those working in certain restaurants, who do not give you an extra papad in "plate meals")sailing in the Mediterranean Sea were in an ideal position to listen and record these rantings. They were stunned when they were able to recognize a few English phrases in all the gibberish. Our intrepid reporters listened to this recording and all they could make out were the words, Suppress Oppress and Depress.

Eye witnesses have described this ursine entity to sketch artists who have then created an image of what this entity could look like. Those readers who are currently in the vicinity of North Africa should exercise caution -and wear ear plugs and avoid banana bajji at all costs.

Sources in high places (ie those up a tree hiding from this creature) tell us that this bear like creature could be among the many mercenaries hired by the Qaddafi - the man who put the dick in dic(k)tator to, you guessed it, suppress oppress and depress his subjects.

I didn't know you could suppress, oppress and depress subjects, in school it was the subjects that suppressed oppressed and depressed me. Especially maths.

Other sources tell us that this is a complete lie, this entity is merely a tourist stuck in Libya,who is looking for some food.

Further sources tell us that the entity is merely looking for the editor of a certain Tamil magazine which shall remain nameless. They also tell us that there are WMDs in Iraq and the Yeti married the third cousin of the Abominable snowman (or snowperson to be politically correct, as this post is mainly about politics). As of now this whole thing remains unclear.

Watch this space for more.

An "artist's rendition" of entity is given below.

Is Gouda cheese popular in Karnataka?

No more Mubarak allowed in Egypt,

How will they wish each other for Eid?

A: So wait, what if the girls don't come to your party? It'll be a complete sausage fest!!
B: Yes, indeed the Wurst case scenario.

Confessions to the Significant Other

A: Err... Lucy, I don't know how to say this to you..umm
Lucy: What? Say na?
A: Err see umm
L: What is it? Are you breaking up with me? Do you have a fetish for farmyard animals,
Did you cheat on me with a bearded female midget?
A: err no, It's far more serious.
L: Bastard, if you don't spit it out I will murder you.
A: Ok. Here goes.deep breath.I have recently become a Ravi Teja fan
L: WTF!NO! This can't be. I wish it had been the bearded midget or something I can deal with. But this, how can you do this to me! Bastard!
A: err. sorry. but while I am confessing, may I also say I am a Balakrishna and Nagarjuna fan as well.
L: Those I can take, but this. How could you....
A: It's not the whole story, I even plan to watch Ravi Teja's forthcoming release first day.
L: Sigh. Na karma!

Is this what happened to Juulian Assange?

You know you hang out too much with the liberal arts type when you read metamorphic rocks as metaphoric rocks, and not just once or twice may I add.

The main question is why I'm whiling away my time reading about metamorphic rocks on wikipedia when I should ideally be working.Procrastination. I am so bad, I sometimes even procrastinate, procrastination. To know the secret and to join the endless cycle of "unproducticity" keep reading this blog :P

So, the other day, an illiterate clown was elected to the Brazilian congress. See this.
Now this is why Brazil will someday overtake the US. Here, where illiterate clowns are elected to congress, no one is surprised. In Brazil, it makes international news.

Dear James Anderson,

When they said you need to get ready for the Boxing day test, I don't think this is what they meant.

Regards
Australopithecus.

Sigh. Don't tell me all this "I like it..." business is in aid of breast cancer again.
First there were posts giving information on underwear colour, now this? Firstly, I don't know how it helps raise awareness about breast cancer, piles, genital warts, supernumerary nipple syndrome or whatever anyone is raising awareness about. That is the point,how is being cryptic helping to get the message across? Also, why does breast cancer receive so much footage, not like getting leukemia or lung cancer is any better, is this like an advertising drive? Don't get any of those cancers, those are strictly for the serfs, die like a toff, get XYZ cancer instead.

But seriously, look at the statistics from the WHO website
* lung (1.3 million deaths/year)
* stomach (803 000 deaths)
* colorectal (639 000 deaths)
* liver (610 000 deaths)
* breast (519 000 deaths)

So why do the other cancers not have people running for them, selling pink ribbons, wrist bands and bumper stickers and so on?

Well one could argue , that a large number of Lung cancer cases are preventable, don't smoke -or live in the vicinity of the Panjagutta circle.

Eating more veggies, they say, could reduce incidence of colorectal cancer,

Liver, well nothing much you can do about that I'm thinking, don't sleep with Pamela Anderson for one and don't catch pesky Hepatitis or HPV infections.

More research is required (by me, I mean) but it's probably because breast cancer is easier to detect, and if caught early has high survival rates, in fact 5 year survival rates for people with breast cancer is over 80% among all age groups. However when looking at 10 year survival rates, it depends a lot on the stage it was detected in and so on, but doesn't look too good.

True, breast cancer is no laughing matter, but I still wonder, if updating your facebook status, leads to anything except frustu boys getting cheap thrills.

What is the song you'd sing after a really shitty end to a relationship
"Pyaar hame kis commode pe le aaya"

Oh well, that is one sin you might be avoiding.

Seen at a liquor store on Oak Tree Rd. Edison NJ.

Recycled joke

What do you call a military man who appreciates people's backsides.
A Rear- Admiral.

I would have thought he would have been a Navel man