Thursday, August 30, 2007

Our lives are cheap. We have one billion people here. Apparently no one cares for 41. Is apathy a new strategy to combat disruptive elements?

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Sigh! Here we go again.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

In extremely bad taste.
Willie Wanker and the Condom Factory.

It's the story of an ordinary chap; Charlie Fucket. His was no longer or thicker than anyone else's, nor did he last longer..He was an ordinary youngster from an ordinary family, who was soon to become the "Luckiest" chap on earth...

Now we come to our main chap. Some 20 years or so ago, Willy Wanker opened the largest condom factory in the world ..Where condoms were made by Latexed methods.However, spies(SPECTRE and THRUSH) stole his latex and flavoured lubricants so he closed the factory. Not forever though. Suddenly WW decided to allow 5 people to visit the factory and one of them will win a special "prize" at the end. Does this sound suspiciously like a pop star who is black and white (and heard all over)?

So back to the youngsters

The youngsters have to find one of the five golden tickets hidden beneath the ordinary wrapping paper of five 10 pack dotted Wanker packs. So, Augustus Gloop (who used bear grease for lubrication, hence his name), Veruca Slut (a spoilt English ...ahem), Violet Disregarde (she blew stuff), Mike Teavee (who prefers the box to making whopee) and Charlie Fucket (the "luckiest" boy in the entire world) win tickets and visit the factory.

Full "Accidents" happen on tour...Gloops brings his own gloop slips on it and falls into molten rubber...thus making him look like a rishtedaar of spiderman. Violet tries licking up flavoring ingredient from the machine and manages to get stuck to the onion garlic flavour waala machine and no one wants to go near to release her.Then one more person tries to bugger a rodent and falls into a chute..a chutE..and not a ..chut.
Anywho..Charlie wins the competition. Unfortunately for him the prize is to be the heir of the condom factory as well as Willie Wanker's own personal exclusive love slave, as Willie was tired of Wanking. Charlie is upset as that would mean leaving his beloved sheep well as his beloved sheep's behind, therefore he declines..Willie realises the importance of sheep and shifts his line to the dairy industry...Willie, Charlie and Dolly live happily until the sequel.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Australopithecus tries to act intellecshual.

After a long discourse that started from string theory and was skilfully guided by various people to this zoological discussion on a certain man's hypothetical cat, who was half alive and half dead at the same time. Then onto the many worlds interpretation. Whereupon I jumped up and cried in excitement...So that means if there are n possible outcomes, there are also n parallel universes where each event definitely occurs? Boletho I don't have to back the right horse for the Deccan Derby, just the right universe to run it in?

If looks could kill!

...In a related story. Werner Heisenberg was once pulled over for driving too fast. When they asked him "do you know how fast you were going!". He said " No, but I know where I am".

( Disclaimer: Not like Thor's hammer...)

It is all a matter of perspective...
Remember the story of the little boy who stuck his finger where it did not belong and hence saved Holland from floods?
In Holland they call you a hero for sticking your finger in a dyke. In the U.S they would call you a sex offender for the same.

Someone came to my blog looking for "Lanja Rambha"...Talk about casting aspersions (on my charachter, i meant, who cares about Rambha). Let me clarify. This blog is named "Thus Spake Australopithecus" and not "Mehandi Galli (now on information super-highway)", "Star Whores" or ever "whore ni amma!" and name is not Pori Seenu, Gowliguda Ganesh.

In my day back in prehistory we didn't have whores. We didn't need them. We had clubs.

A stitch in time.....messes with the gravitational field.
Whereas a Stich in 1991 won Wimbledon.
A Stich with thyme serves nine...cannibals?

O.k. That was too much even for me!