Tuesday, August 31, 2004

A lot of old friends were in town.That brought back many memories.So where better to harass people with details of my altu-phaltu past, than here right inCyberspace .No,no I dont mean an empty plot in Cyberabad baba!And by the way baba , the babu's gone as well.so no free land now.So yes,coming back to my favourite topic, mammaries..err sorry I meant memories...Was that a Freudian slip?What! Freud wore ladies underclothing? Man he really had issues(He had six issues,the eldest being Mathilde)
So yes now memory number one (also related to my other favourite topic).This is a great example of shamelesness,of chutzpah one may say(but then again....)
Ok.Flashback to adolescence.I will not prolong the torture..in short..boy likes girl.girl kinda likes boy.but wait all is not well in the state of Denmark.There is one complication.nahin nahin..not ladki ka baap yaar..The problem is ladki ka boyfriend.So now the sole solitary purpose of our young protagonist( for a few days) was to irritate him.And those of you that know the now aged protagonist,will vouch for the fact that he can be pretty irritating at times.So what he did was....... [Suspense Type Music]

What did our unevoled friend do..does boy get ladki.does strong boyfriend beat up our hero..Tune in next time to the Altu-phaltu world of Austra's past.... ting tong.

Kya aapke baal jhad rahe hai? haan.Naya H2SO4 apnaiye...na rahega baans.na bajegi baansuri.Ting Tong.
From 'A Prisoner's Diary - FF8282'

'How are you settling in?'he asks....
"I'm fine, except for having to be locked up in such a confined space for so many hours.'
"Were you at Public School?"Mr Gates asks.
'Yes',I reply,......
'It's just that we find public school boys settle in far more quickly than you average prisoner'

Friday, August 27, 2004

Arey! Everywhere unions are creating trouble.Truckers are on strike.Even my personal situation is like Lal Jhanda union politics...Mere Kanpur meim strike hai.Nagpur mein bandh hai..what do to..Now its time for me to shout slogans also...Combiflam zindabad..Cetrizine Hydrochloride zindabad....Mucus out out.MD down down.sorry sorry...that slipped in..

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Grass is greener
Long live Kafka.Viva la Franz.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

X:Hey!Are you Tamil?
Y: No.I'm Australopithecus.Tamil is a language.
X:Bah!No.I mean..Do you speak Tamil.
Y:Well yes..I occasionally have an opportunity to murder the language..

Friday, August 20, 2004

Hey! this is my 501th post :D as i always say quantity over quality.

Today is Nagapanchami....
Speaking of which...what is the opposite of Nagapanchami?
Nag-don't punch me.

Nagpanchami is one of the most cruel festivals around..now mind you I am no fan of cobras..but even then, the treatment meted out to our non legged venomous friends(??) is inhuman to say the least.The Cobra kills for food and tp protect itself..not for some vague reason like to appease the human god by sacrificing humans...Of course we don't sacrifice snakes during nagapanchami...we remove thier venom glands,sew their mouths shut ,defanbg them...all by which,if they are not dead by the end of the day...they will be when u throw them away the next day after the drunken reveleries are finished.
We also proceed to drown them in milk.and other liquids . I dont think reptiles can digest milk...milk is digestible only by mammals..and that too young ones(mostly).
The festival supposed to celebrate the snake...ends up being one of the casues of its presence on the endangered list.
Oh.Don't mind me.I was dropped on my head as a baby.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

I have decided to constitute a new award.The Aravind Swamy Award for Histrionic Excellence.

The nominies are (drumroll).
Aravind Swami (of course)
The Female in Shaitan Tantrik (see bottom right corner of poster.she also appears in move Schoolgirl.)
Kishan Kumar.(the man with one eyebrow)
Kamal Sadhana (you remember?)
Celiena Jaitley.
The entire Cast of Hyderabad Blues (mind you it was a great flick..but actors were lousy)

And many more..please use the comments column to put forward nominations.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Learn to spell.Go to Hogwarts.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

I eat so much fried stuff that they should give me frequent fryer miles.Oil companies should give me a discount..err I mean companies that produce edible oil (down dubya,not that kind of oil).Hey! ITC produce edible oil.Great! they should give me a double discount.I am a frequent consumer of two of their products.Both of which are allegedly bad for health.I dont get it..see when we want to get rid of keeda makoda(ref old post) we fumigate right...that is exactly what I am doing..ridding my lungs of dangerous creatures..I should be more healthy after I smoke a ciggie..and even more healthy after smoking ahem organic err ciggerettes.But wait a minute what is this i hear you say that I must be in bad shape after leading this kind of unhealthy lifestyle...ha! I am in great shape..Round is a great shape init?

Thursday, August 12, 2004

X:Whats with the salad?
Y: I'm on a maintainance diet.
X: kya?
Y:yup,I'm trying to maintain "chubby" and try not to graduate to "obese"
X:Bah!! You are waste
Y: yes I am rather worried about my Waste line these days.
X: Ooooh.You'r blushinggg...
Y:balls also.
X: you are! you are!
Y:nonsense,its just a pigment of your imagination

Monday, August 09, 2004

National Geographic meals and Technicolour Dreams (from keede makode to shouting makeode.)

Today students in the Uni.(i.e. apan logan ) boycotted classes. Of course we were the happiest when we heard the student activists shouting slogans and coming to our class.So boycott we did.
The reason for all this hungama was that the staff at the hostels felt sorry for the students as cable TV was not available in the hostels. They felt that our students were missing out on a lot of educational channels and were not being exposed properly to the wonders of our world.So (they thought) If National Geographic channel was not available, they would do their best to make up for the lack of it,so they supplied the hostelites with food rich in protein.Unfortunately the protein came from insects.not one or two..but so many that you could make a NG special on it.
The students did not understand or appreciate this wonderfull gesture of the staff.. they started making rude getures of thier own..and so it began...at least we are getting some entertainment out of it. as they say..lage raho...ABCD Zindabad...
What do you call an Analytical Chemist with homicidal tendancies?


Sunday, August 08, 2004

X: Abey Maakeode..you are a complete chut...
Y: What do you mean complete chut? Many parts are missing..especially the brain.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

"Dhoolpet is famous for two things:Manja and Ganja"

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

When the Doors of Perception are cleansed, people will see what chuts they are (with apologies to Willaim Blake)
It is time for me to say something profound here...so here goes..Something Profound !! ting tong.

Universtiy is getting to me again :D so I am taking it out on the poor unsuspecting souls(all 3.65 of them) who read my blog.
Isn't it great to have a blog.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

You HAVE to sing this to get the full effect...........

DO-RAY-ME-BEER by Homer Simpson

DOUGH.........the stuff that buys me beer....
RAY..............the guy who sells me beer.......
ME................the guy.. who drinks the beer...........
FAR...............the distance to my beer.............
SO.................I think I'll have a beer.........
LA..................La, la, la, la, la, la, beer.......
TEA...............no thanks, I'm drinking beer..........
That will bring us back to.....................DOH!

Monday, August 02, 2004

Q: Which came first the Chicken or the egg?
Ans 1: considering relativity the chicken is related to the egg..this therefore produces a ripple in the space time continuum. ie presence of the egg..leads to creation of gravity whereby egg falls and breaks..therefore,no chicken,no egg..only omlette..problem solved. no more silly questions

Ans2 : The cock cmae first.