Sunday, May 30, 2004

Find the odd one out.
C)Santa Singh run over by a road roller.

Answer: A)Whale. The other two are crustaceans.
The answers to life's questions still lie in the hedge at the bottom of the garden.The task now is to find out which garden.
Now by the time the Answers are found the questions change.Thats the way the cookie crumbles,the rules of the game, you see?.
All questions dont have an answer. Some questions have more than one.

Comrade:This disparity should be removed.All questions should have an answer each.
What if there are more answers than questions?
Comrade: Well! then the Government will keep them and decide what too do with them and distribute it at our dicretion.
Answer:Hey! What do you mean by that! we dont agree .STRIKE!!!!
Comrade: This is a Communist country now. Strikes are illegal!!
Shoot them and drive tanks over them

Don't get carried away Comrade.You still have only 60odd seats in the Parliament..You rememebr Parliament, and elections no?This isn't China, you might have been misled when you walked down near h'nagar and n'guda seeeing all the noodle "bandis"
Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A. Do-you-think-he-saur-us.
"I am the only cause I'm interested in"....Casablanca.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

The New String Theorey
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Another wise guy said
"Don't criticize your Girlfriend.If she were perfect,she wouldn't be goin' out with you innit?"
I am poor Hyderabadi man,dont feed me VEG Biryani, that too in Chennai.
some wise person(guy) said
"Life is all about ass...either you are covering it,
kicking it, kissing it, or trying to get it."
Arey!Laalo Prasad has for maybe the only time in his life done something really good.He banned plastic cups in trains. use kullhands instead he said..great..good for the environment, generates employment as well.and tea tastes amazing in a kullhad.I once had 11 chais in teh middle of winter in kanpur station.the train only stopped there for half an drinking tea with a kullhad in each hand.thats where my addiction started i guess.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

pick a card any card.
pick a scandal,any scandal.
in fact create your own about dubya. here
Pick up lines:
Arey! that Vanilla coke is vile! BC!! I wouldneven give it to my worst enemy(or is that my best enemy..bah complications)
He'd go to the police station and register case for attempted murder by pilaoing paaaisan in true boss style!
And whats with that ad? alright its funny the first few dozen times. but now that Wakaowwwwwww is begining to get on my nerves. It sound like someone kicked vivek oberoi in the nether regions...hard. poor aishwarya rai.she gets no new-key to vo's apartment ;)'t
see if I start a website called bharatmatrimony or or whatever, they do very well, lot of people being registered on this site. (i stress on the being registered,ie by well meaning uncles and aunties).But i wonder how many people i will have registering , ok fine ill cut to the chase, i wonder how many women will "be" registered,if i open a new website called or which are essentially providing the same basic services,y'all end up getting laid after this.
at least now i hope the comments coloumn will look lively!

Birds. I love them, all kinds,the feathered variety and more importantly the non feathered ones.
But the other day (cut to bedroom scene)
It was 6 am .I had just pulled an all nighter hoping to get those assignments in that day. Just as the sweet arms of sleep were about to envelope me in a cucoon of temproary unconsciousness ( Shh! dont argue I know that line was horrible just go with the flow man),these !$!@$#ing sunbirds appear at my window as if by magic and start chirping away as if they were on american idol.At this the sandman who was just in the act of sprinkling the sand in my eye,tehy startled him and caused him to take to his heels along wiht his precious bag of sleeping sand....but i digress...the point being,normally I would like to have a couple of sunbirds chirping thier bloody hearts away at my window.Now what makes me think that there is something strange going on is , never before nor after has any bird sung at my window!!
Its a capitalist plot i tell you, to make the poor poorer. I was short of sleep so they plotted to make me 'shorter'.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass,
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think...
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Don't know who wrote it.Can anyone enlighten me (dude put away teh torch,im not talking of that kind of enlightenment! Thats a good boy, now kick it here slowly. and step away from the light switch.)
She tried to run,she tried to hide, but whatever she does Julius Ceasar.
See! this is what Coffee and Combiflam do to your brain.I'm publishing results in Neuron.
"A toast Jedidiah to love on my terms. As those are the only terms anybody ever knows. His own."....Charles Foster Kane ( Orson Welles )in Citizen Kane.
I don't cry over spilt millk.Spilt Vodka,now that's a different story.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Coffee & Combiflam.

Y: read my blog
Y: i put dialogue from yesterdays flick
X: which one
Y: god only knows
X: which dialogues
Y: from teh film
Y: god only knows
X: Arey! WHICH FILM!!!!
Y: thats teh name

Saturday, May 22, 2004

God Only Knows!

Not a bad flick at all God Only Knows! directed and written by Bharat Dhabolkar.Funny given the current Political situation but mostly Old wine in older bottle (like the caption of one of BD's shows Oh no! Not again)

Combined Revolutionary Organisation to Change Heaven :C.R.O.T.C.H
YamRaj: Who will head this crotch?
On Defection :
Ministerji:(Like in the Bhagwad Gita) A politician is like a Soul and all Political parties just outer coverings.Atma Amar hai! It changes parties...errr clothes as and when convenient...
Fly's Spread Diseases.Keep yours Zipped.
Yamraj: I am Yamraj.
Minister: Pleased to meet you Mr.M.Raj.
Yamraj: No,No!!
Kaamdev:He has been in trouble for Bigotry!
Indra:Whats Bigotry?
K:Its having Three wives.
I:Oh!I thought that was Trignometry!
There are three stages in a mans life
Childhood,Puberty and Adultry! (Old One)
up with C.R.O.T.C.H! (symbol the digitus infamis)
In Politics,everything is permanant,only temporarily.
I think this calls for a film watching spree! Pity not one theatre is showing Reshma ki Jawani.
hmm...I logged in with something to that the page has loaded..the idea does its usual vanishing act.I'm sure it will reappear,at the most inconvenient of times.Perhaps it will come to me when im having a haircut.only to dissapear the moment i log in again, or even when im miles away from the nearest computer.Oh! well till later then.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

help im falling!

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

What Sushmita does with her boyfriend?..err Sensex?
Or is that the opposite of mad,wild sex?..hmm
maybe we should send the Sensex to Athens,for the Olympics. At least we'll get a Gold in the Diving competition.

Hey Macaroni!

For those who though Pasta would now be available on ration cards, hold your Roman Chariots and their horses....wait just a lasgna eating minute..the fat lady has not sung yet. we all made the mistake we thought she was clearing her throat to Singh , oh i meant sing (sorry Dr Manmohan). The Drama unfolds as they say in politics...No Comment.

Monday, May 17, 2004

"I am poor man ra.Six and a half inches below poverty line."
Rehab is for quitters?
Help! I am a poor boy,from the wilds of (insert name of appropriate place here), suffering from sleeeping sickness .Please forward this message to at least 1234567890 people you know and like. After forwarding this,1234567890 people wont like you so much anymore.
Please forward.For every forward Bill Gates uncle promises to donate 1 cent to help cure me of this malady.We track your messages using the most advanced technology known to aliens,operated by scantily clad Swedish women sitting in space ships orbiting Mars.
If you dont forward this message your underwear will turn carnivorous and eat your genitals.
ting tong.
very patchy

Sunday, May 16, 2004

X: You can't buy happiness.
Y(thinking to himself):No,but you can buy Old Monk.

Friday, May 14, 2004

bloggers block....ill be back. after these massages..hehe did i say massages? I meant, of course messages..those people who thought they were going to be massaged by blond,swedish girls with minimal clothing...sorrrrry.not happenin'.
Help! I'm not funny anymore. I guess it requires dose of right company..and fastly.
Elementary genetics: They said Hannibal crossed the Alps with his elephants.I wonder what the progeny would look like.
"Luca Brazi sleeps with the fishes"....Pervert.
The Chicken crossed the road..and now it sleeps with the fishes.That'll teach it to cross a road.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

self dabba

national_highway2002: good beta
khat_mal: good alpha
bheepoool: ah i was waiting for that one
bheepoool: why did u make naidu lose man?
khat_mal: we aim to please (distinguish from the army whose motto..we aim to kill)
khat_mal: no i made naidu lose votes not man
khat_mal: im blogging that
With reference to the next PM I have only one thing to say :
"Hey Mambo,Mambo Italiano."

The Great Indian Tamashas.

The Indian public has been thoroughly entertained the last few months. Our two greatest pastimes coming one after the other.Two great Tamashas Cricket and politics(poly = many ticks = bloodsucking insects btw cricket is an insect as well so does any one see a pattern emerging here?).sometimes both are so deeply interwoven,because of politics cricket doesnt happen.
The dirtiest politics are played not in Lok Sabha but in the various cricket adminstrating associations,in selection of a team,though this team i suppose would select itself,at least the squad would.

Sehwag campaigned for Saheb Singh Varma....He lost.

Govinda beat Petroleum minister Ram naik with his jhatkas and matkas and campaigning in busses and trains.

hmmm.As i write I am digging into pineapple ice cream and mangoes.

Hey!,the Left did well this time.Better than ever before.
one reson i talk so much.I was born in the year of the Bore..sorry I meant year of the Boar.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

If money doesn't grow on trees,why do banks have branches?
There was this poet,who was very ill.He said"I've never written a poem about a water bird before,I must do so before i die".
He then went looking for birds to write poems about.After looking at hazaar birds he finally narrowed it down to a tern and a swan.
Alas,before he could write a poem about a swan he took a tern for the verse.
For those who think my puns are bad,let me tell you poetry is verse.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Remember BSA cycles (BSA-SLR etc)? Well know what BSA stands for?
katte :Birmingham Small Arms Company.
Seems they used to make rifles earlier.(so now the meaning of BSA-SLR is a little more muddled
why? SLR = self loading rifle. Earlier standard issue in the army.
So when The Birmingham Small Arms Company makes something caled an SLR.
who is going to believe that it is a harmless bicycle.
Unfair!Foul!Offside!Unsporting!Just not fair.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Hey!! New look blogger...hmm..have'nt decided wheather i like it yet.Anyway,must work with what we've got. nein?

Seems the Soviet Department of Information Services (Ministry of
Propaganda) was out in the field, taking "The Revolution" to the
people: explaining the fundamentals of Socialism to the populace
to bolster popularity.

A member of the Department was out talking to a farmer in

Official: So you see, comrade, dat it iz de way Marx explained:
"From each according to his abilities, to each according to his
needs." You understand?

Farmer: (confused) Nyet...

Official: OK. Iz like dis: Say a comrade has two cows. Ve take
one cow from him and give it to comrade that has no cow. Dat is
de Rewolution. You see?

Farmer: Da, Da! Iz good!

Official: And if a comrade has two tractors, ve take one of his
tractors and give to man who has no tractors. Da?

Farmer: Da! Da! Is WERY good!

Official: And if a comrade has two cheekens, ve give one cheeken
to man who has no cheekens. Da?

Farmer: Nyet! Iz not good!

Official: Why?

Farmer: I have two cheekens...

Saturday, May 08, 2004

"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies."
Stephen Leacock.
"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
Albert Einstein. (allegedly)
Have been trying to read stuff online.Can't.Just can't sit and read the way one would a book.

Computers can never replace books...I mean imagine trying to swat a fly with your laptop?

I love the smell of old books.

Too much dust in the Uni Library.Books that have hardly ever been read in 150 years.I'm not exaggerating.
Ritualistic Nonsense!!
Arey!! looks as if my blog has been running on a left agenda for sometime..what to do..with the exams around .I guess that explains why I have temproarily become a "Marks"ist.
as they shout(who boletho.student organisation fellows aka blaady raascalsu)
Student Power.Nation's Power.
Of course they also shouted
"60_60 120,Chandrababu 420"
I shouted too.
I was forced to.
went on huge rally to VC's Office and sat in a dharna...(why boletho read above) scary looking uncles claiming to be student activist boycotted classes and took us on their trip...
but being from NC im used to all at..and survival skills learnt there are pretty usefull.
so coming back to the story...RK and me stuck in dharna with police fellows looking scared first time ive seen police scared was in this uni...
so anyway here we were....aah i've digressed so amny times that ive lost the not only am i looking for a needle but also a thread in the haystack.
but why would any one want to take a neeedle into teh stables? inject racehorses with various substances to alter thier performance in teh derby?
speaking of which..i must go with machchi to the races one of these days..we have been planning a race outing for about 3 years now..never materialised...

hey look mommy im puttin all my eggs...err all my thoughtt into one blog...
i guess this post is pretty disjoint...well if i were big big writer/poet dude theyd praise it and call it stream of consciousness style of writing and all that load of whatchumaycallit.
Feudal they said.elaborate kindly....

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

"I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to
someone who will leave them alone"- Elayne Boosler

Sunday, May 02, 2004

foreplay before the big bang?

Saturday, May 01, 2004

i didnt know this existed...:D the Communist party of USA.
somehow i found the fact that CPI(ML) 's motto is socialism,national liberation and ....hold your breath..democracy...a little ahem...errr whats the word.....well you tell me..
opsimath: n. mature student; late learner.

then what do you call a person who never learns?
clue read the"posted by " at teh end of this maybe you will get a clue...
Man!! with pollution levels being what they are sometimes i need a cigarette..just to get a breath of fresh air.
I mean getting stuck in a traffic jam in panjagutta seems worse than chain smoking a pack of midlands (Re 1 each wonly).
grrrroooaan..I have a headache...

Hau ji sab logan ku ek ich head hota hai

you seem to forget on Mr Ravan..

hmm...i wonder what he did when he had a headache
more things lurking in my inbox:

A computer was something on TV
From a science-fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch Floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.