Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Caste division in breweries also?

Hmm, but this beer did get me Iyer than other beers.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

a nose by anyother name, would smell just as well.

To celebrate this great victory, workers of the "victorious" party tried to put up a statue of their (almost late) great leader Sri Hungerstrikepalle Chandrafaker Rao.. The statue was life size and mad from precious metals all in anticipation of the "gains" they would have from the new state.

Unfortunately, the statue was to scale. and Hungerstrikepalle garu - well let us just say ,what the good Lord did not give him in good sense, decency and morals, he compensated in -snout-.What? Do I mean nose? err yes if you insist and threaten to unleash jobless MA in Pol.Sci students from OU on me....nose it is.

Chandrafaker Rao is so well endowed in the olfactory organ category that when he once went snorkeling and scuba diving in the Maldives he required none of the equipment they try to rent you all this air tanks and all that nonsense, He merely stuck his nose up in the air and was able to take deep breaths- from the ionosphere. This way he could also listen to his favorite radio programme on radio mirchi(idi chaala hot guru)- anywhere in the world, and in this case 20,000 leagues under as well. Please do not ask me if those Leagues were A division or B1 Division, I am currently out of touch with local cricketing scene in Hyderabad.

There are downsides of course to be blessed with such a proboscis. you see. The guys spraying the anti-mosquito fumes often mistook him for a mutant giant monster mosquito. They watched too many Japanese monster films for their own good. Taking our subject to be one of those from the Godzilla v/s Mothra stables they would turn the DDT on full blast and spray him with it. Definitely not good for the adenoids.
Also with great nose - comes great smelling power. One way to exact revenge on said subject is to feed the whole lot of those aforementioned OU students a lot of chole and lock them in the same tiny room with faker babu you know a sort of "reward" for their support to the cause. It would also help to turn off water to the hostels for a couple of days so that the students, who usually do not believe in good things like regular showers, would smell specially extra ripe, just for Faker garu.

Aah gentle reader I digress. so Faker's supporters were putting up statues of him. Ok, statues 1 nos wonly.

Due to this overabundant beak of faker garu, the statue kept tipping over and the nose drilling holes into the pavements with better efficiency than the GHMC workers (who at said time were off on chai break.)

So try as they might, they were not able to keep the statue erect. They tried everything, even ozomen and Silk Smitha videos, as they knew these things helped get erections. The Silk Smitha video did not work as another band of students confiscated and burnt said dvds as silk smitha was from Andhra. So said workers went off in search of Telangana porn and purely telangana "sex-workers" while our subject's statue stood in a pose like MJ from smooth criminal. MJ had the opposite problem with his nose, it kept falling off.

In other news, Discos banned in Hyderabad by the "party", due to a rumor was circulated that Disco Shanti was from Andhra. Night life now restricted to getting drunk on cheap booze and doing teen maar dance.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I listened to Take Five today. You know the one played by the Dave Brubeck Quartet.


Today I was 6 feet away from Dave Brubeck when they played it!


Sunday, November 01, 2009

So do they have a 4th of July in your country?

No we go directly from the 3rd to the 5th.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Recycling is good for you:

9 out of 10 dwarf eunuchs with diarrhea recommend recycling.

“Recycling makes you feel good – I always recycle my chewing gum wrappers during those 6 hour drives I take on my Humvee”

Chuck Norris recycles.

“You can reuse and recycle anything” says employee at Patel’s Cash & Carry as he picks out used dental floss from a trash can.

On that note, here is something I wrote ages ago. I came up with it in a chat conversation to entertain/ irritate a friend and thought it would look good on the blog...I still think so. So here goes.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Airy-Fairy Tale

Long long ago. In a land far far away, even further than Jhumritallaya. There lived and evil dwarf called Crumpledforeskin. He was the survivor of a circumcision accident. A Jewish moyel had invented this new circumcision machine prototype which drastically malfunctioned,leading to CF's condition and by extension [get it] his name. This also explained his attitude toward life and people in general. He felt that he had been "shortchanged" if you catch my drift. And also he found it difficult to pick up girls- he was too short and they were too heavy. To exact revenge he used to sneak into circumcision ceremonies just as the deed was going to be done he would yell BOO! As the gentle reader can well imagine, this often had tragic outcomes.
But Crumpledforeskin had a special gift. He could see dead people...oops wrong story. No he really did have a gift, his parents gave it to him, for his 12th birthday. It was a BMW M6 convertible. When CF was zooming around in his car, He couldn’t see the road at all, which made life more interesting. If not life, then death at any rate (14% p.a Compounded annually), was now more interesting of course, when the people he crushed under his car went to heaven they felt superior to the lowly ones who had died of common things like STD, Legionary's disease, and Shekhar Suman. For real enjoyment he used to scatter marbles before blind men and exchange the leash of their Seeing Eye dog to a rope tied to the route 45 bus.
He had one more special talent. He could fart on demand. This made him very popular with the renewable energy ministry as a source of biogas. They pleaded with him to help them solve their energy crisis, but CF being evil personified just farted in the energy ministers face and ran away. Well he tried to run at least. But being only about a foot and a half tall (just a little taller than Amir Khan), the Beautiful princess of the kingdom saw him and thought that he was a cockroach. “They” hit him with a rubber chappal by mistake, thinking he was a roach (Periplaneta americana). That was the end of Solomon Grundy..err Crumpledforeskin

Monday, October 19, 2009

Heard on the bus.

"You know kids shouldn't go trick or treating this Halloween, they should do it the Obama way and stay at home and people will give them candy for their potential to trick or treat."

Don't laugh fuckers, I personally know a good many of you who read this blog. Some of you, on the same token could be facing molestation charges as "Potential to grope air-hostesses on domestic flights"

for those of you who live in a cave have not been following the news here is what happened. Living in a cave also might indicate why not knowing any better, you chanced upon this blog.

Barack O. won the Ghanta- Bhi-Nahin Piss prize, won by those, though not completely full of shit, are not short on other forms of excrement.

Seriously folks, nowadays getting the piss prize seems to be as easy as giving a urine sample (the travails of one such test will be mentioned in another post). All you need to be able to do is to piss in a cup, and the piss prize will be yours.
Mohd. Asif and Shoaib Akhtar seem to me in line.

I wonder who is going to win it next year?

Suleiman Chaosh from Barkas? Venkat Reddy from Vanasthalipuram? Both candidates are old hands at the game, and have pissed on many great monuments starting from the Charminar to Sidhanti women's college (opposite Lamba theatre) And I used the term old hands very carefully, I hope they wash their hands at least before shaking hands with those Scandinavian types, who are handing out the prize.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I'm sending for an application form right away!!!

I wanting human value education, selerperse (wonly degree)
I also want to introduce smart neat dress smile.
I joining here wonly for brotherhood and sister, and family life in education temple.

Father-mother reminds me of a rajnikanth dialogue form Guru-Sishya.
When Rajni says thats why your fathermother kept that name.

Edit: 10 mins later and I'm still laughing

Friday, September 25, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Why I like NJ so much.

Below are two recent purchases made in and around my town.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The reason I became interested in the Environment?

The LUST Trust Fund

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Trott went at a canter in the end. The English loved it, at least that is what the "Gallop" poll showed.

And now for something completely different.

When someone told me they went to Mt. Titlis. I had a thousand dirt jokes fighting each other to get out.

Samples :
Mt. Titlis was what that rockstar did after Pam Anderson had her implants removed.

I've heard of beastiality, but who would want to mount titlies. Did the same guy get off to the ek titli anek titliya song

more later. I'm off to harass the chap who visited the said natural feature.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

For your viewing pleasure-
From the film Sardar Paparayudu.
NTR must have been close to 60 when this film came out. Sridevi was around ahem 16 or something.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Apparently Boy George is coming out(what again? he was straight all the time?[Shh..Listen, err, read])
Apparently Boy George is coming out with a parody of the Beatles/GnR hit called Happiness is a warm Bum.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Were Malcom Marshall and Omar Sheriff related?
" The chariest maid is prodigal enough,
If she unmask her beauty to the moon: "

Hamlet Act 1; Scene 2.


Mr Mayiladuthurai Seshadri Padhmanabhan (retd. LIC employee): Yit is regarding Mister Chari's (Retd. Manager State Bank) maidservant i say, here the famous Williyam shakespeer takes his name seriously and peers at Mr. Chari's maidservant at night time when she is changing her clothes I say. Very indecent these literature fellows are. That is why I am making my son study Engineering I say!
Mr Chari is happy that he is not looking at Mrs Chari. I say.

Smart Alec: Have you seen Mrs. Chari?

Mr MSP : I catch your point.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Lord's is not a level playing field.

Friday, July 10, 2009

A misunderstanding.

Aus: Conductor Lakdi ka pool. Ek.
Conductor: Yeh lo.

pic from here
Is the movie "The President is coming" about the Clinton-Lewinsky affair?

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Give me puberty or give me death.
How I failed the examination.

It was class 11, hormones were in the air. Unfortunately so were other things, those unmentionable things that, in my book*, rank somewhere between the bubonic plague and castration and somewhere above dental extractions (without local anesthesia- kyon ki hum "local" cheez istemaal nahin karte hain). I, am talking about Maths exams.

Now if you are one of those enthu cutlets who says "Hey! exams are fun ya, especially Maths exam bring on the differential equations" or "what's a bit of trigonometry, I model stochastic processes and work on Quantum superposition while i am asleep- When I am awake I don't use sissy tools like computers and so on do perform Monte Carlo analysis- I can do it with pencil and paper.". You sir/madam will be severely beaten with a hawaii chappal, size 10 (India size, USA 11.5 and Europe 45.5), not just for being good at Mathematics, but for merely existing. You sir are a disgrace to the human race, you are not an enthu cutlet- but a chut pakoda.

Back to the mid-late 90's.

tan  had ruined my sleep. It had invaded my dreams, wet or otherwise. I wondered if it were a "sin" to dream about trigonometry that way. It was not so much about me doing nasty things to trigonometry, it was things being the other way around that worried me. That was "cos" I was so bad at it you see. Somehow I did manage to study. I was fairly confident that I would manage to achieve the previously unimaginable 'zenit" of 35%. To butcher a Beatles song- All you need is to pass.
However fate and hormones had other plans in store.

Before going further let me explain the seating arrangements we sat in the made in the assembly hall of the school that allegedly used to double up as the prep room in the old days....much before I was there. The hall was named after one of the old Angrez principals, but that is besides the point. So, we had half the rows of seats (along with tables of course) facing East and half the rows facing West. I was on the last row that was facing east. I could see the faces of all the blokes who were on the last row facing west. Lucky sods weren't taking Maths.

People who know me will tell you that I have a tendency to keep looking "here and there" be it a class, a concert, a play, a cricket match or even an exam. Suddenly my eyes stopped. There- a few rows in front of me was this girl let us call her umm. M. M was kind of hot. She was sitting in a very funny way, I could look up a lot of her skirt, and when she crossed and uncrossed her legs one could see a lot lot more. .There were two of us who chanced on this view at the same time, the other guy was sitting right behind me. Horny 15 year old boys being horny 15 year old boys., our jaws dropped, our tongues hung out and a puddle of drool collected on the floor. M would periodically look up and smile at us louts for some strange reason. Both of us (the guy behind me and yours truly) failed the exam, and were in the race for the bottom of the class.

And that Ladies and Gentlemen was how I failed an examination for the first time. I subsequently got used to it.

* - Book published by S.Chand publishers. S.Chand books for all.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Andy Rawdick? After almost 4 hours what do you expect?

Friday, July 03, 2009

Porn on the 4th of July.

Yank my doodle. Dandy.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

This is a song Called Achcha Shirt Siya from the Album Deccani Hits.
Singers Shabbir Dange, Bashakhan Bijapur, Nizam(no not Osman Pasha- Cd cover is damaged where his surname is printed.), Saira Bano, and Mangala. Music : Maruti Mirjkar
Lyrics Shabbir Dange, Bashakhan Bijapur, Nizam

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

B: (in fake american accent): Oh our university works on the quarter system, you don't have such ahem. things in India no.
A: (in fake country accent):Aan. Ess. But in our caalezu we have quarter system, morning morning before class we put off one quarter and go sit.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

If you are an Electrical Engineer in the Army, are you soldering and soldiering at the same time?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

You know I'm Bad.

Micheal Jackson died today. I was a great fan when I was a kid, I remember the first tape I ever bought: Well the non Preeti Sagar nursery rhyme kind at least. I wanted to buy MJ's Bad, but my dad who took me to Music Palace on S.D Road (they sold music then) bribed me (by promising to buy me a new "Noddy" book at Book Land [ used to be under Hari Hara Kala Bhavan]) to buy Simon and Garfunkel instead. Knowing which side of my bread was buttered on, I picked S&G (S&G is a whole different post), but I couldn't quite forget BAD so the next time some event came along, I asked for it, Unfortunately, the chaps at the shop had run out of bad (so they didn't have any david hasselhoff tapes either), but sold me a tape that had the best of MJ in it. By this I do not mean the "best" of mj "in it", but you know and I was happy.
When the next album, Dangerous came out,I was thrilled, I went all over Chennai to find it. Some of the videos in this album had basketball players in them. Jam had MJ and Jordan playing basketball. "You remember the time" had Eddie Murphy and Naomi Campbell as well as Magic Johnson in it. This was about the time Magic announced that he was HIV+ve. Who would have thought that he'd outlive MJ.

Alas, it was all downhill after this for MJ. He might have taken these lines from Bad a little too seriously.

"Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Take You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight"

Monday, June 22, 2009

Heard recently

Arey What is with this economy- Employees everywhere are getting laid off, except Shiney Ahuja's employees, they are just getting laid.

What is Shiney's sexual orientation

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I flew Continental ..but they served Indian food.Also I have "Jet" Lag

Monday, June 08, 2009

Recycled Post.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Aah, I love the rain.Especially when I am nice and dry in my house.I have the same opinion of the cold, the heat, and if there is something I missed out I probably have the same opinion of that as well.
What I do not love is standing at a bus stop waiting for a bus when its pissing rain.Sudden downpour, as if some one pulled the flush lever on a toilet.It leaves the roads slushy, with drains flooding and sewage mixing freely with rain water (rain water and drain water become one.Reminds me of 'Mile sur mera tumhara"or even "Mile sewer mera tumhara" ).Suddenly a bus appears, and in the following riot that ensues, a least four people get pushed into the muck, those are the lucky ones.If you've ever traveled in a jam packed bus in the rain, you will know what I mean. the wonderful mixture of smells that waft your way are the least of your problems, the most annoying thing is the drops of water leaking from the roof that fall on the most uncomfortable of a Chinese water drip torture. one can almost imagine Fu-Manchu laughing and rubbing his hands together with relish (why not mayonnaise asks my mother.Now you can see Mendel had a point.).So,if you are one of those who says "I love the rains" you should probably take a trip in an overcrowded APSRTC bus,that should prove to be an interesting experience.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Beta testing is when your son writes his exams?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Excuse me , but I don't think that when they said Air Commodore they were referring to the entrance to the lavatory on the new Airbus A380.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

We are the knights who say Ni Amma. Thoo!
Scotch Tape: For those who cannot hold their liquor.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Look look, Appam Chutiya is at it again

Confucius say: Closed mouth gathers no foot.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

One of reasons that have been put forward for the KKR's dismal performance is, hold your breath (you will see why), Swine Flu. Well what do you expect, when the owner is such a "ham".

Monday, May 04, 2009

I knew they could find the self destruct button if they looked hard enough. Back to their old ways?

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Check this out!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Just when you thought the crooks organizers of the IPL had discovered every single way top advertise including Citi moment of success (Citi and success? Didn’t they get a bailout recently?) or DLF maximum (In this economy more like DLF minimum) they strike again. New modes of advertising include

- Whenever Tendulkar does his trademark crotch grab, commentators are to scream. Lux cozy yeh andar ki baat hain and sing Khujli karne waale B-Tex lagale.

- Whenever the camera pans to Sreeshant doing something silly- That moment will be brought to you by Kohinoor condoms, if his parents had used Kohinoor, none of this would have happened. Sreeshant is also brought to you by CRY.

- Every time a South African fast bowler playing for Vijay Mallya’s team is dismissed, that moment will be brought to you by Surf Excel…Excellent for removing Steyns.

- When we see Akash Chopra scratching around for his 6 runs, that moment those moments will be brought to you by Itch Guard.

- Jesse Ryder will be brought to you by Alcoholics Anonymous and VLCC slimming center.

- Symonds by the Department of Animal Husbandry, Dairying & Fisheries. Animal Husbandry? Isn’t that more of a Kiwi thing? They love their sheep you know, those Kiwis. Associate sponsors will be the Jane Goodall Institute for primate research.

- The fake IPL player brought to you by Subhash Chandra.

- Perennially excited commentators brought to you by Red Bull. (He ran it down to third-man and picked up a single!!!!!!! What a shot!!!!!!! You beauty!!!!!.)

- John Buchanan by National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS)

- Muralitharan’s bowling action brought to you by the hot and spicy

- Dada will be brought to you by The Shah of Iran’s fund for deposed leaders.

- Arbit loser kinds who will never get a game are brought to you by the Make a Wish foundation.

- If Steve Bucknor had been umpiring he'd have been brought to you by L.V Prasad Eye Institute.

Edit: All match fixing scandals brought to you by Satyam Computers, associate sponsors Maytas.
"You'll get laid when pigs fly" she said. "Well" he replied "haven't you heard of the swine 'flew'"

Monday, April 13, 2009

How does one alleviate homesickness? By doing the following

Wake up at 11am on a Sunday. Listen to FM music channels from Hyderabad. Get ready. Go out to lunch at a local Dosa place. Share appetizers with friends namely (the snacks that is, not the friends) Mirchi Bajji, Samosa and Cutlets. Move on to Masala Dosa and round it off with kulfi and nice filter coffee.

For dinner one should then eat Biryani from "Paradise"

Then one should watch old episodes of M*A*S*H talk to friends online and go to sleep.
The rest of the week should be much better.

And yesterday the temperature fell below 0 C. April my arse.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Late night/Early morning.

I have only 5 submissions, 2 exams, a poster and a presentation coming up in the next few weeks, How do I spend my "free" time? Playing pool and drinking beer. Sigh. What priorities I say!

I am sitting in my room. The heating is off. It is April for heaven's sake.It is cold. As I exhale with force, I can see a cloud of condensation form . This is not done. This is not my April. My April involves, blinding heat. It involves hot dry winds blowing into my already hot room, bringing in the Telangana dust. This dust that collects on my oily forehead, and when i wipe my brow, it feels like im being sandpapered. It involves, cieling fans that push hot air at you, the smell of coolers, the fragrance khus-khus mats just wet. It involves sudden showers, with that amazing smell of moisture on parched earth. My April involves mangoes.

I want my April

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Friday, April 10, 2009

Flashback to 2007, when the Indian cricket team under Rahul Dravid, won the test series in England. Dravid did not enforce the follow on and the final test was drawn, Kumble scored a century though. I remember watching it in my father's club while having a nice drink and eating masala peanuts.

Cut to 2009. In the third test against New Zealand. Our "aggressive" captain did not declare in time, and we drew a match that we could have won.

Who do you think got more flak for being defensive?

On an unrelated note: Thought for the day. Too many kinks spoil the brothel.
Sigh. This is what happens to your alleged mind if you stay awake till 5 ack emma to write papers.
It has been brought to my notice that the Phrase Good Friday is actually a corruption of Guddu Friday, today is the day the Easter Bunny goes around hiding eggs.

Friday, April 03, 2009

An old one

Sa Re Ga Ma toh Dara Singh kaun?

Monday, March 30, 2009

From here

by Anwar Ali Khan aka Khamakhan.

Nai bole toh sunte nai
Dekho kitta samjha’roun main
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Apni man maani tum kar’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai

Karne ke jo kaamaan hain so
Jaise ke wai si-eech hain
Nai karne ke kaaman kar’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Mo po make-up thhoppte jaa’raen
Umar ke peeche mat bhaago
Gayi jawani phir nai aati
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Unke baalan rangte rangte
Mu bhi kaala ho gaya
Bacchhe dekh ko darr ke bhaag’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Baalon main chutla jode to
Banta hai sir ka jooda
Phir bhi baalaan “set” karwa’raen

Nai bole toh sunte nai

Unke baalaan “set” ho ne tak

Mere sir mein ginti ke
Hain so baalaan jhadte jaa’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Charbi chaat ko duble dikhne
Ek hafte se “diet” po hain
Chalte phirte dhakliyan khaa’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Mere ghar mein reh ko baataan
Amma bawa ke kar’rain
Yaan ka kha ko waan ka gaa’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Dubai nai to Jidda jaa-o
Kaisa bhi yaan se nik-lo
Uth-te baith-te bheja khaa’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Din bhar kaam se thhak ko aayon
Chumtiyan mat lo sone do
Suba jaldi uth nai sakta
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Pehle ghussa aata thha toh
Mu mein mu mein bolte thhe
Ab to seedha aang po aa’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai

Gande gande picture-aan dekh’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Naani ku i-story suna’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Phode pe joh jam gayi khipli
Naakhun se nakko nocho
Purane zakhmaa taaze kar’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Bichhu ke kate ka mantar
Yaad nai aur oopar se
Saanp ke bil mein ungliyaan kar’raen
Nai bole toh sunte nai
Jab poochha samdhi se main
Kya samdhan ummeed se hain
Sharma ko bas itta bole
Nai bole toh sunte nai

and another

Friday, March 27, 2009

Apparently Capt Ahab wanted to sue the whale for damages caused, but the lawyers told him he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Ms Freeze tagged me

Using only song *titles* from one artist, cleverly answer these questions

So here goes: I choose: Simon and Garfunkel

1. Are you a male or female: I am a Rock.

2. Describe yourself: The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine

3. How do you feel about yourself: Feelin' Groovy.

4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Bye bye love

5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: At the zoo.

6. Describe your current location: America.

7. Describe where you want to be: Homeward Bound

9. Your favorite color is: Leaves that are Green

10. You know : Mrs Robinson

11. What’s the weather like: A Hazy Shade of Winter

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M

13. What is life to you: A simple desultory phillipic

14. What is the best advice you have to give: You don't know where your interest lies.

15. If you could change your name what would you change it to: Richard Cory or how about The late great Johnny Ace.

I tag
the Sisters Vyas
the bored sub
Cynic in Wonderland

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Russell Peters is in my town this weekend. I have two midterms on Monday! FML!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Oh to be in England!

Whatte dialogue!!! Oscar Winning!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ms Freeze . Tagged me.

To Get the 6th picture from your 6th folder
and to tell its story
and then, in turn tag 6 people.

Anyone who wants can do it.

The story is, one was out for a smoke, and unbeknownst to me a friend took a picture with his newly acquired shocking pink camera (which he later palmed off on someone else)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Today we had a maximum temperature of 19 C!!!!

Monday, February 09, 2009

Check out

Sunday, February 08, 2009

'Pipe'r at the gates of Dawn.

The Saturday dawned bright and clear.Cold. It had been the coldest night, I've ever experienced. The ancient heating system in my 100 year old house couldn't manage to keep up with changing times, ole Jack Frost won the race apparently, I was oblivious to all this until the morning. I kept postponing getting out from underneath the covers until my bladder sank to its knees and begged me to help alleviate its suffering. Now as the bladders suffering is by 'extension' my problem as well, I managed to crawl out and head to the bathroom.

I lifted the seat and was about to download when I noticed that all was not fresh and new in a Scandinavian country. There seemed to be a server error. Looking into the great porcelain God, I was amazed to see, something usually seen inside freezers or old-fashioned glasses. Ice Ice Baby.

After this sudden 404 type error, there was only one thing to do. Find alternative forms of ener..err I mean find alternate site to download (or should it be upload..I'm not quite sure. So I quickly put on all my protective gear(read coat and boots and so on..what were you thinking?)and set out on operation Bladder Blast(Prevention). It was quite warm by then, a blazing -8 Centigrade. I set out to look for a loo. I tried looking for an outlet in the backyard, but exposing my little friend to the elements might have had a less than happy ending with the two anmol ratans escaping the mother ship and thus rendering my future kids bastards (I know it doesn't make sense, stop nit picking). Alternatively it could have been a new experiment in cryogenic preservation, but I somehow did not want to take the risk.

Forgetting it was winter break I bravely trudged (while doing the most entertaining dance, as those familiar with the bladder blast phenomenon will testify to)to the nearest university building only to find it closed. Shocking passers-by with my language ( not that they were familiar with the nomenclature of various female relatives in three Indian languages or that of depraved acts of a sexual nature, but then again, this being New Jersey, one never knows...In Alabama, they, I am told have a better understanding of these matters, not the language so much).

I then went to the next closest building, that to , no surprise , was closed. Giving up I turned and looked for a nice secluded place where I could ahem download, I found it, and just as I was getting down to business: Whom should approach but one of the tribe with the legendary long arm. Not looking forward to spending time in a cold prison, with 300 pound guys called Bubba and Junior, wiser counsel prevailed (my own of course) and I ran away, dancing now, more than ever. I suddenly remembered. GAS. No no, it wasn't the added complication of the previous night's Chole making its belated presence felt. Just down the road there was a "gas" station. I do not think there has ever been an environmental science waala who has been so happy to see the logo of a petroleum company. Anyhow. All was well that ended in the well. I called the landlord and he got the place fixed, it took him 3 days. Thankfully the drain pipe from the toilet did not burst, but the ones from the shower and wash basin did.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Filmy thrill in winter chill- Episode 1

I'm not dead. Yet. The forecast for this semester however, seems to show that death is imminent. There is high pressure in all areas. Moving on from the weather, since you asked nicely, I shall tell you what I've been doing this winter. This is a cheap ripoff of an extremely cheap film.
Anyhow, not that you care, but still. Winter break.

So I packed my bags and escaped the New Jersey cold, to arrive at sunny Denver. The mile high city. It has since dawned on me, that there are easier ways to join the mile high club that doing it in a cramped aircraft restroom, on the door of which many people are hammering and....well lets not go there. Yes! The mile high club. Is that why all these honeymooners flock to Ooty, Mussoorie, Shimla and so on. Too cheap to buy a flight ticket, but still want to join the mile high club, you know where to go. The problem is: the hotel owners have figured this out too, and have therefore raised their rates miles higher than the price of an airplane ticket. As usual I digress, where was I? Denver. Did a whole lot of fun things there. Started with Christmas and the gifts. I loued! I got this and this among other things. Best gifts ever.

What are the other things I did you ask. Therein lies a long tale that involves

Dancing, Gambling, The Rocky Mountains, Ski Resorts and more….

Stay tuned for the episode….If the semester doesn’t kill me first.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I have solid blogger's block. aargh! Hopefully I shall be back with a bang, or after a bang, nothing inspires creativity more than sex.
In the meantime. Look what I found on you tube.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Location: Philadelphia PA (the city of "brotherly love")

K: This is the Old City
A: Hau? Sachhi? Charminar kahan hain?
K: Bah!
A: Arey theek hai, nahin hain to Marlboro se kaam chala lenge.
K: Is thinking thoughts involving strangling Ole uncle Australopithecus

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy Year Transplant

My resolution for the new year : 1280 X 800