Sunday, February 08, 2009

'Pipe'r at the gates of Dawn.

The Saturday dawned bright and clear.Cold. It had been the coldest night, I've ever experienced. The ancient heating system in my 100 year old house couldn't manage to keep up with changing times, ole Jack Frost won the race apparently, I was oblivious to all this until the morning. I kept postponing getting out from underneath the covers until my bladder sank to its knees and begged me to help alleviate its suffering. Now as the bladders suffering is by 'extension' my problem as well, I managed to crawl out and head to the bathroom.

I lifted the seat and was about to download when I noticed that all was not fresh and new in a Scandinavian country. There seemed to be a server error. Looking into the great porcelain God, I was amazed to see, something usually seen inside freezers or old-fashioned glasses. Ice Ice Baby.

After this sudden 404 type error, there was only one thing to do. Find alternative forms of ener..err I mean find alternate site to download (or should it be upload..I'm not quite sure. So I quickly put on all my protective gear(read coat and boots and so on..what were you thinking?)and set out on operation Bladder Blast(Prevention). It was quite warm by then, a blazing -8 Centigrade. I set out to look for a loo. I tried looking for an outlet in the backyard, but exposing my little friend to the elements might have had a less than happy ending with the two anmol ratans escaping the mother ship and thus rendering my future kids bastards (I know it doesn't make sense, stop nit picking). Alternatively it could have been a new experiment in cryogenic preservation, but I somehow did not want to take the risk.

Forgetting it was winter break I bravely trudged (while doing the most entertaining dance, as those familiar with the bladder blast phenomenon will testify to)to the nearest university building only to find it closed. Shocking passers-by with my language ( not that they were familiar with the nomenclature of various female relatives in three Indian languages or that of depraved acts of a sexual nature, but then again, this being New Jersey, one never knows...In Alabama, they, I am told have a better understanding of these matters, not the language so much).

I then went to the next closest building, that to , no surprise , was closed. Giving up I turned and looked for a nice secluded place where I could ahem download, I found it, and just as I was getting down to business: Whom should approach but one of the tribe with the legendary long arm. Not looking forward to spending time in a cold prison, with 300 pound guys called Bubba and Junior, wiser counsel prevailed (my own of course) and I ran away, dancing now, more than ever. I suddenly remembered. GAS. No no, it wasn't the added complication of the previous night's Chole making its belated presence felt. Just down the road there was a "gas" station. I do not think there has ever been an environmental science waala who has been so happy to see the logo of a petroleum company. Anyhow. All was well that ended in the well. I called the landlord and he got the place fixed, it took him 3 days. Thankfully the drain pipe from the toilet did not burst, but the ones from the shower and wash basin did.

14 comments:

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Spike Milligan, in a similar situation in North Africa, slipped one end of an old bicycle inner tube over his wotsis and left the other end in a convenient drain. No unbuttoning, no hurry.

Till some Evil One cam along and tied a knot in the inner tube.
(You can check it out in "Mussolini - His Part in My Downfall")

J.A.P.

freeze-dried said...

hahahah :D

Australopithecus said...

JAP: heh. I remember that. my school's library had this and a few more, 3 more i think. adolf hitler, my art in his downfall, rommel (somthing)and one more which i cant recollect.

Australopithecus said...

@FD : :D

Sita said...

a case of being caught with your pants down?
hyuk hyuk.

Princess Fiona said...

lol..good one!!! esp "the nomenclature of various female relatives in three Indian languages "...hehehheheheh

i have a major doubt...why didnt u just pee in the pot..and flush it later :P

or does your chole affect the smell of that too!!!!! ;)

penguin said...

I was amazed to see, something usually seen inside freezers or old-fashioned glasses. Ice Ice Baby.
Oh no Khalid Mohammad is infectious!

a propos your more recent post on the pink chaddi campaign, wv is 'undier'

Australopithecus said...

@penguin: khalid mohammed? the chap who irritates on TV, film reviewer and all?

does this sound like him?

Australopithecus said...

@princess fiona: thanks :) The problem is, there is limited ventilation in the bathroom, also very weirdly the bathroom opens into the kitchen...so we did not want the stench of stale urine to compound our problems..plus i needed to find a loo anyway, for other purposes as well.

Australopithecus said...

@Sita: :D well yes.. and no. almost maybe?

It All Comes Around said...

LOL!
In full flow, this time, eh? Maybe that's the problem...!

Australopithecus said...

are you selling me sanitary napkins..talking about flow and all that.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

TOOOOOOOOOOOOO much information. I was going to say information overload but thought better of it

shilpa said...

Haha thats funny!...Winter brings along so many problems doesn't it?