Sunday, October 25, 2009

Recycling is good for you:

9 out of 10 dwarf eunuchs with diarrhea recommend recycling.

“Recycling makes you feel good – I always recycle my chewing gum wrappers during those 6 hour drives I take on my Humvee”

Chuck Norris recycles.

“You can reuse and recycle anything” says employee at Patel’s Cash & Carry as he picks out used dental floss from a trash can.

On that note, here is something I wrote ages ago. I came up with it in a chat conversation to entertain/ irritate a friend and thought it would look good on the blog...I still think so. So here goes.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Airy-Fairy Tale

Long long ago. In a land far far away, even further than Jhumritallaya. There lived and evil dwarf called Crumpledforeskin. He was the survivor of a circumcision accident. A Jewish moyel had invented this new circumcision machine prototype which drastically malfunctioned,leading to CF's condition and by extension [get it] his name. This also explained his attitude toward life and people in general. He felt that he had been "shortchanged" if you catch my drift. And also he found it difficult to pick up girls- he was too short and they were too heavy. To exact revenge he used to sneak into circumcision ceremonies just as the deed was going to be done he would yell BOO! As the gentle reader can well imagine, this often had tragic outcomes.
But Crumpledforeskin had a special gift. He could see dead people...oops wrong story. No he really did have a gift, his parents gave it to him, for his 12th birthday. It was a BMW M6 convertible. When CF was zooming around in his car, He couldn’t see the road at all, which made life more interesting. If not life, then death at any rate (14% p.a Compounded annually), was now more interesting of course, when the people he crushed under his car went to heaven they felt superior to the lowly ones who had died of common things like STD, Legionary's disease, and Shekhar Suman. For real enjoyment he used to scatter marbles before blind men and exchange the leash of their Seeing Eye dog to a rope tied to the route 45 bus.
He had one more special talent. He could fart on demand. This made him very popular with the renewable energy ministry as a source of biogas. They pleaded with him to help them solve their energy crisis, but CF being evil personified just farted in the energy ministers face and ran away. Well he tried to run at least. But being only about a foot and a half tall (just a little taller than Amir Khan), the Beautiful princess of the kingdom saw him and thought that he was a cockroach. “They” hit him with a rubber chappal by mistake, thinking he was a roach (Periplaneta americana). That was the end of Solomon Grundy..err Crumpledforeskin

Monday, October 19, 2009

Heard on the bus.

"You know kids shouldn't go trick or treating this Halloween, they should do it the Obama way and stay at home and people will give them candy for their potential to trick or treat."

Don't laugh fuckers, I personally know a good many of you who read this blog. Some of you, on the same token could be facing molestation charges as "Potential to grope air-hostesses on domestic flights"

for those of you who live in a cave have not been following the news here is what happened. Living in a cave also might indicate why not knowing any better, you chanced upon this blog.

Barack O. won the Ghanta- Bhi-Nahin Piss prize, won by those, though not completely full of shit, are not short on other forms of excrement.

Seriously folks, nowadays getting the piss prize seems to be as easy as giving a urine sample (the travails of one such test will be mentioned in another post). All you need to be able to do is to piss in a cup, and the piss prize will be yours.
Mohd. Asif and Shoaib Akhtar seem to me in line.

I wonder who is going to win it next year?

Suleiman Chaosh from Barkas? Venkat Reddy from Vanasthalipuram? Both candidates are old hands at the game, and have pissed on many great monuments starting from the Charminar to Sidhanti women's college (opposite Lamba theatre) And I used the term old hands very carefully, I hope they wash their hands at least before shaking hands with those Scandinavian types, who are handing out the prize.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I'm sending for an application form right away!!!

I wanting human value education, selerperse (wonly degree)
I also want to introduce smart neat dress smile.
I joining here wonly for brotherhood and sister, and family life in education temple.

Father-mother reminds me of a rajnikanth dialogue form Guru-Sishya.
When Rajni says thats why your fathermother kept that name.

Edit: 10 mins later and I'm still laughing