Sunday, October 25, 2009

Recycling is good for you:

9 out of 10 dwarf eunuchs with diarrhea recommend recycling.

“Recycling makes you feel good – I always recycle my chewing gum wrappers during those 6 hour drives I take on my Humvee”

Chuck Norris recycles.

“You can reuse and recycle anything” says employee at Patel’s Cash & Carry as he picks out used dental floss from a trash can.

On that note, here is something I wrote ages ago. I came up with it in a chat conversation to entertain/ irritate a friend and thought it would look good on the blog...I still think so. So here goes.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Airy-Fairy Tale

Long long ago. In a land far far away, even further than Jhumritallaya. There lived and evil dwarf called Crumpledforeskin. He was the survivor of a circumcision accident. A Jewish moyel had invented this new circumcision machine prototype which drastically malfunctioned,leading to CF's condition and by extension [get it] his name. This also explained his attitude toward life and people in general. He felt that he had been "shortchanged" if you catch my drift. And also he found it difficult to pick up girls- he was too short and they were too heavy. To exact revenge he used to sneak into circumcision ceremonies just as the deed was going to be done he would yell BOO! As the gentle reader can well imagine, this often had tragic outcomes.
But Crumpledforeskin had a special gift. He could see dead people...oops wrong story. No he really did have a gift, his parents gave it to him, for his 12th birthday. It was a BMW M6 convertible. When CF was zooming around in his car, He couldn’t see the road at all, which made life more interesting. If not life, then death at any rate (14% p.a Compounded annually), was now more interesting of course, when the people he crushed under his car went to heaven they felt superior to the lowly ones who had died of common things like STD, Legionary's disease, and Shekhar Suman. For real enjoyment he used to scatter marbles before blind men and exchange the leash of their Seeing Eye dog to a rope tied to the route 45 bus.
He had one more special talent. He could fart on demand. This made him very popular with the renewable energy ministry as a source of biogas. They pleaded with him to help them solve their energy crisis, but CF being evil personified just farted in the energy ministers face and ran away. Well he tried to run at least. But being only about a foot and a half tall (just a little taller than Amir Khan), the Beautiful princess of the kingdom saw him and thought that he was a cockroach. “They” hit him with a rubber chappal by mistake, thinking he was a roach (Periplaneta americana). That was the end of Solomon Grundy..err Crumpledforeskin


Seema Smile said...

Solomon Grundy had a sadder, less colourful life.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Death by shekar suman - ah yes. verr painful that is.

Australopithecus said...

@Seema: aah see who knows, maybe he fitted in a lifetime of cebauchery, that the censors cut out from the rhyme.

@Cyn: Yes I wonder how it ranks on a scale with death by Kishen Kumar.