Monday, February 27, 2006

Cheney's got a gun.....latest song by Aerosmith.

Maybe we should get him to help with the chicken cullings.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Why would parents name thier kid "Randy"? When I first heard this name (on Tim Allen's Home Improvement where one of the cahrachters has the misfortune of being) I laughed for half an hour and it was not because of Allen's comedy.
Some useless trivia.Allen is actually Tim's middle name.His real surname happens to be Dick.I can imagine why he doesn't go around tom-toming it (or tim-tim ing it)
So if he weren't named Tim, but Randy...his classmates would've had an entertaining time.I am sure they must have had an entertaining time as it was.
Bachchas can be so cruel,Whoever said that "Bachche, man ke sachche" or childeren are innocnet etcetc..obviously never went to any of the schools that I attended (note: I said attended, and not studied in)
Back to being randy..err talking about the name"Randy"
How would he go and introduce himself?
Randy: "Hello! I am Randy"
M(r/s)X: Not just now, I have a headache.

Or if he were on a blind date?
date(spotting cahp with red rose or some such preararanged signal):"Hello! are you Randy?"
man with sign: "Yes, I am, but my name is Jim"
Blaming a mailing-list vendor for providing bad information, JPMorgan Chase apologizes for sending a form letter about its credit card services to an Arab American man in California addressed to "Palestinian Bomber."
Calling this Press Conference to order.
(reads out prepared statement)
Someone described me as being drunk half the time.This is totally untrue.Let me correct this impression.I am not drunk half the time, merely half drunk all the time.That is all I have to say at this juncture,no further comments.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Convocation: If I did confidence tricks for a living.

Convocation: Chakki peesing? .

Monday, February 20, 2006

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams that stuff is made of.

When Mrs Gorm (Aunt Eloise)
Was stung to death by savage bees,
Her husband (Prebendary Gorm)
Put on his viel, and took the swarm.
He's publishing a book, next May,
On 'How to Make Bee-keeping Pay.'
---Harry Graham
Rock Bottom = Hard Ass ?
The Bird Flew?
It could solve a problem puzzling makind for ages..namely Which came first the chicken or the rahega baans type.
Bird Flu hits India...This is your opportunity to hog(let's not start on japanese encephalitis) chicken biryani at rock bottom prices.

"I have heard about bird flu on TV but I am not bothered. I want to enjoy the low prices," said Nanku Ram, a labourer holding a huge bird.

This also gives us mauka to make sidey jokes

Q.Why did the chicken walk across the road?
A. 'Cause if it flew , then everybody would shout "look the bird flew" and then full culling would happen.

:What a way to go
*What did he die of?
:Bird Flu
*Of course the bird flew.what did u think it was an ostrich?

check this out.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

"Doing Ungli"

Would getting honey from a hive be counted as a sting operation?

If I trapped 10000 killer bees in a pot and threw it at the Pakis would that be a stinger missile?

How many microphones make a meghaphone?

Do they win a Cold Medal at the Winter Olympics?

Thats all for today folks (insert Porky Pig/Elmer Fudd voice)
For more information on "doing ungli" contact Mr Greg Chappell.
Will all those people who remember the song "Tere baap ko maine dekha Bandra Station mein" please stand up.


Originally uploaded by khat_mal.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Lead me to the light.(or is it up the garden path)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Did the Telugu chap have a Gulty conscience?
The loud clapping you hear emanating from my house is not because we particularly enjoyed that Shahid Afridi's hoick while watching the highlights.Nor are we and extremely over enthu family that keeps giving Hi-Fives for small small things (Arey I ate breakfast [hi5 hi5]arey! I polished my shoes [hi5 hi5] arey I went to the loo [ err I hope you washed your hands])It is because someone at home did not bother closing the door after them (like Godfrey Gordon Gustavus Gore),We have now set up a mini blood dontation camp at home.We donate to the mosquitoes.
Now since there are a lot of pigs around (and I am most certainly not talking about myself) superparanoid family member (mom of course) goes into high gear describing sources ,causes and effects of such vile diseases as Malaria, Japanese Encephelitis and of course my favourite Dengue fever.
Mom:"These Mosquitoes are vectors of such horrible diseases like blahblahblahblah"
Us: Huh?Vectors do we need to take a cross product?
Coming back to dengue fever.Apparenlty dengue fever is carried by a mosquito called the Aedes aegypti.
Someone said that it was a 'day biting' mosquito.If it were a day biting mosquito what do humans have to fear from it?Let the day take care of itself. I wish I had known that some..err..many years ago when they actually asked about it in an exam....Oh and it was around 10-12 years ago that we were first aware of a Dengue epidemic.Having the filthy minds that we still do we slightly modified the pronunciation of the word to obtain maximum entertainment for least investment.Telugu speakers musta cottoned onto this by now if they haven't actauly done this and asked seemingly innocent questions to the biology teacher.
example: "Teacher.What is this Dengu fever?" at which point from the back of the class many voices would shout Dengai Dengai.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

One morning I woke up and I knew
You were really gone
A new day, a new way, and new
eyes to see the dawn
Go your way, I'll go mine and
Carry on

The sky is clearing and the night
Has gone out
The sun, he come, the world
is all full of light
Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but
To carry on

Carry On (CSNY)

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Bring on the dancing girls. Clap Clap.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

After the huge success of the book The Tao of Physics, I have decided to write a book called 'The Chichcha of Chemistry'!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Imran Hashmi. Is he what we have to suffer for making fun of losers like Kishen Kumar and Kamal Whatsisname.Kishen kumar was the man with one eyebrow, Imran seems to be the man with one expression only. Our karma has caught up with us.Sigh these days low budget losers are well packaged and get to frolic with hot women (not very well packaged,if you know what I mean, but who is complaining about THEM!) Speaking of which.Mani Ratnam is supposed to be making a film version of Mahabarat . I hear Rani Mukherji might play the role of Draupadi.Thank god it is not Mallika or Urmilla (wrong epic dude!) because then there won't be too much Vastra on for the Vastra Haran scene.Lord Krishna would have to work extra hard to make sure that an A certificate is not awarded.