Wednesday, June 30, 2004

This phrase just popped into my head this afternoon when i was on the bus home.Kinda fits right now.

Aller anfang ist schwer.
(All begining is tough)

Long time no Deutshe sprachen or lesen or shreiben.
Ich habe alles vergessen.must do something about it.
Was ich tun kann?
Don't aim to please.Aim to kill.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Isha Kopikar? no no. Kopi karna buri baat hai :D
If you've got asphalt see a proctologist.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Did the Godfather have 'Vito' power?

Friday, June 25, 2004

Arey main bhi sun roon saalon se,Yeh banjara hills ,banjara hills bolke.Saalon se banra kab khatam karte ki.Phir baad mein main naam rakhtoon ban gaya hills.
Wild thing
You make my heart sing
You make everything...groovy
I said Wild thing

Wild thing, I...think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
So come on, and hold me tight
I love you


Wild thing, I...think you move me
But I wanna know for sure
So come on, and hold me tight
You move me


Wild thing

Come on, come on, wild thing
Shake it, shake it, wild thing
Wild Thing.(The Troggs)

Thursday, June 24, 2004

It's like looking for a Noodle in a haystack.

Y:Idiot.Don't you know you can't feed the horses Chinese

X:I'm not feeding him Chinese.I'm feeding him food.If I were feeding him chinese would Hiro still be walking around there?

Y:Hiro is Japanese.(check out

Y:err well...

Z:This seems like an amateurish attemp to rip off monty python?very very amateurish

X:Python? aargh!! I can't stand snakes.

Z:Is he special?

Y: No.He's just your common or garden variety idiot.

Z: You mean a Politician?

Y: No.Then i would have used something else to describe him.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Speaker:You see,in the month of May a lot of butterflies fly toward Charminar area. Kaiku? Namaz padne ku jaare kya? No.No.It is because Charminar is in the SouthEast.The Butterflies migrate.Where to?I dont know.
S: You see,the largest Butterfly has a wingspan of around 11 inches.
Me: Makikirkiri.
S: It is found in Papua New Guinea.You know how they captured the first one?They brought it down with a shotgun!
Me: splutter splutter

About a couple of years ago was on a trip down into the Rajiv tiger reserve.On the road we crossed this place called Dindi. there was this huge reservoir there where we stopped off for some birding.As soon as we crossed the reservior we ran into a thick dense fog ..of butterflies. butterflies to the right of us butterflies to the left of us fluttered and fluttered.(Sorry Al.)

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

The Name is Freud.Stir Freud.
I Love Bheja fry.I mean Bheja Frued
arey!! Freud ne kis liye bheja?
err sorry that was a Freudian slip?
You mean Freud wore ladies underwear?
Yes!Thats why he said one thing , but meant his mother.
Psycho the rapist at your service.
They call me a shrink because thats what I do to your bank balance.

Monday, June 14, 2004

College Fest '02:

That was baaad! All organised in bloody two days...and how!
I walk into college on fest day nice and early at 10:30 AM.These guys just pounce on me and shout"You are doing the quiz, You are doing the quiz" Senses already dull due to the early hour it took me a good 1 minute to understand the ramifications of that statement.
My reaction involved words describing the relations these various people had with closely related female and male members of thier respective families.Now I had other plans namely "Surya-Bar&Restaurant" and century wine shop, Oh yes there also was the small matter of the Saki play we were doing at that time (remember ppl?:D)
Anyway somehow or the other the questions got done.
Since the fest was done in bloody 2 days no one outside college knew about it,forget outside college.lots of people in college did not know.
They only found out about it when they were rudely awoken from thier drunken stupour by the sounds of 30000 watts blasting a zabardaast wonderfull gaana called mayadari maysammo..I think the DJ was called Nash..we called him Satya..StayaNash.(hehe,chuckle chuckle get it?)
anyway by the evening our quiz actually gotunder way when suddenly we saw this huge maar peet going on in college.Now maar peet in my college was nothing unusual.Neither was presence of police with lathis.Coming back to maar peet. It so happened that one of our revellers had a little too much to drink. So he thought that just dancing wasn't enough. He wanted some thrills. So he pulls out his knife and jumps around on the dance floor waving it about. now normally nothing would have happend.But Babu peeyeso tha na(i mean drunk ;)) coordination went phat,and boy hit if it was a normal someone, then he would have freaked and run.but no..this guy was from my college. we collegians dont give up all that easily(well most of the time we dont).So he again described those various relatives and what he would do to them and how many times and in what all locations.To add Injury to Insult he brained him.So it started with supporters of each person going at the supporters of the other. The language used was more colourfull than anything Govinda posesses in his wardrobe.So Police (who were already posted in anticipation of such an event occurring)stopped scratching various parts of thier anatomy and got into action.They cleared college in 15 minutes flat!so we went home.but the fest didnt stop. it went on the next day I am told.I wouldn't know.I had taken up temproary residence in Surya bar where this guy asked me "katte, aapke caalez(college) mein talwaraan leke maare katte".We just laughed(we, hey! I never drink alone. I'm not an alcoholic you know,at least,not yet)
Betaaaaa...what you thought,thats a halo on my head aa?
Thats not a Halo.Thats just light reflecting off my bald spot.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

My Dad: The Next time you shave,Stand closer to the damned razor.
We attempt to answerr an age old question.
We know:
If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down.........(1)
If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet.......(2)
The question now arises
But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?
On performing Carefull thought experiments. we find that the Cat Simply doesnot fall. According to (1) We know that butter must hit the ground.
But According to law (2) The cat must land feet first.
Therefore combinging teh two equations. we get the theorey of anti-gravity. The cat just keeps floating rotating just above teh ground.
We have approached the government for funds for studying this phenomenon and its application to space travel.We feel optimum cruising heights can be obtained by varying quantity of butter on toast and weight of cat.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Saw Yuva the other day, in Telugu that too.Most of it was good. the ending however lacked fizz.It was like cheating.The entire moive was building up nicely and in the end phusss...It was like shaking a coke bottle for three hourse and then opening it.One would expect to have coke all over the place right?But this flick,when you open the bottle all you hear is phussssss...
Ok I shall put down the bowl of sugar adn sit quietly..

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

What's the deal with fast food eh? I always thought that when you Fast you don't what the hell is this fast food for?
Arey! those fellows stole my idea for a movie..
I wanted to remake Run in Hindi..
With the caption "Bhag Bhosadi.Toofan Aaya."

You know like "I" Proud to be an Indian style.
or Daag-The Fire...that didn't make sense to me then...what was the sequel going to be? Aag-The Stain? "What it is! you cannot make me Fool(I am already one) No what I meant was..."You can not make me fool I also littal littal Englees talking."

Monday, June 07, 2004

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
going to a garage makes you a mechanic."
So I've discovered going to Uni. Doesn't make you a chemist either...esp if attend classes in the philosophy departement.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

My uncle John was in the fertilized egg business when I was
young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8
or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. My uncle kept
records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went
into the pot and was replaced.

Now this took an awful lot of time. So when my uncle saw a set of
eight tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly
bought them. He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper
shaft so the bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken.

He hung a bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint
Julep. Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an
efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the different
tones of the bells and marking down each encounter.

My uncle's favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine
specimen he was, but his bell had not rung all morning. Uncle
John went to investigate.

Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. Brewster
had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a
pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Uncle was so proud of Brewster he entered him in the county fair.

Brewster was an overnight sensation.

They not only awarded him the No Bell Prize but also the Pullet

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

My Reality Cheque bounced the other day. Such things ought not to occur in my reality, which is exclusive and selective.Just like the posh club, or the metal institution.Speaking of which.Here is huge "screw you" to all the people who thought that i was not commited and could never be commited to anything..Guess what guys. I've heard my people talking to the Manovikas kendra..they seem to think I will be commited there...hey wait a minute.Manovikas kendra...thats the loony bin..err Hospital For the Cure of Patients with special Mental Needs if you wnat it in Politically correct terms...commited to a loony bin...why does that term ring alarm bells somewhere...
Aah must be caused by watching one flew over the cuckoo's nest the other day...Man! Movies can't be allowed to affect ones close personal least not in this reality they can't.Its almost 2 am in my watch..I shall go and take a commercial break from this reality.courtsey "the sandman".

I've just realised that I can't write to save my life. I mean if there were a guy standing there with a gun to my head(loaded mind you).. i wouldn't be able to..hmm..maybe you could put that down to pressure..
Somehow i seem to do my best writing in exams ie my most creative..and i'm not just talking about writing OU exams.esp in school. teacher said i wrote sure no one believes taht now that was like hazaar years ago..havent written since..You can't call this i usually rant..not so much rave...rant definitely...
"kya karein ji...Teen mahine se ghar ka Rant nahin diya aapne"

Holy Cow!

Found this in my Old comp finally..:D

CALCUTTA's Telegraph has got hold of an answer paper of a candidate at the
recent UPSC examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian

"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is
female, he give milk,but will do so when he is got child.He is same like
God,sacred to Hindus and useful to man.But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.

"His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do?
Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

"His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his
other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in
hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in
the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

"His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is
got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons
to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great
velocity forwards.

"He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which
alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not
crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts
his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so.

"This is the cow."

P.S.: We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.