Friday, January 09, 2015

You uncultured louts! What are you telling? Hain? Some Wright brothers invanted the airplane? Hain!! WRONG!! Ten Thousand Times Wrong. Did you not know that Flying Machines were invanted in ancient India? Then only Levis copied the concept and became world famous in Jeanetic Engineering.

A paper titled "Ancient Indian Aviation Technology" was presented at the 102nd Indian Science Congress by Capt. Anand J. Bodas, a pilot, and Ameya Jadhav, a lecturer. The paper allegedly based on a treatise called the Vyamanika Shastra remains unreleased due to unknown reasons. This shastra, was allegedly initially, written back in by the sage Bharadwaj (not Vijay Bharadwaj, who can write treatises on cricket balls launched into orbit off his bowling). In modern times, this treatise was rediscovered through a cutting edge methods called psychic channeling and automatic writing in the early part of the 20th century by a chap called Subbaraya Sastry. Psychic channeling and automatic writing sounds like how I wrote most of my end semester exams in undergrad.

According to this "document" ancient India not only had aeroplanes thousands of years ago (7000 years they say), they also functioned as space shuttles and could fly 'not only' forwards 'but also' backwards. These planes had air-hostesses, some of whom are still serving in our nation's official carrier, Air India.

A schematic of one of the flying machines is presented below (Source). As can be seen the diagram looks like one of rejected cakes from Ace of Cakes or some such cake based "reality" show like that. 

Prior to the discovery of oil in Arabia, ancient Indians did not have to worry about the price of Dubai Crude and fluctuating dollar rates. Their aviation was fuelled by completely indigenous and renewable sources - donkey piss. As can be seen, our ancient ancestors were also leaders in renewable energy. One can almost see the ads in the Employment News of that day and age. “Wanted - Renewable Energy Engineer. Qualifications BTech/BE/ from reputed institutes, BSc in Agriculture and Life sciences may also apply. Applicant must work well as a part of a team. Must be an animal lover, must also not be an animal ‘lover’”.  MBAs need not apply; we are not dealing with bovine excreta here.

Apart from flying machines, the session also dealt with such wonderful facts such as

1) MBA Degrees- Cows turning everything they eat to 24 carat gold -perhaps that is why we initially considered cows sacred, not so much holy as err..golden goose?
2)Helmet on Mars- Apparently there was a helmet found on Mars by NASA, which originated from our glorious land during the Mahabharata war.

One hopes that future edition of the 'Science' Congress also bring forth such important and unknown ideas and information from our pasts. Jai Hind.


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