As all of you know, I have very little to do, so I spend my time reading newspapers and watching vague news channels. Especially some extremely biased Hindi news channel, these are the most interesting. It is just like reading communist propaganda (courtsey CPI(ML) ).
Somethings been getting my goat. SMS polls and contests. They started out fine, some quite interesting even. But predictably, they run out of things to ask. This lead us to gems like this one on (I think it was DD news)

1) Who will win the world cup.
A) India B) Sri Lanka

SMS your answers to...blahblahblah

Right! The other teams are there only for the free food is it? Thanks for coming, sorry there is no return gift. You can have this helmet though, it might protect you from the stoning in your home country ( Attn: Chris Gayle..not that kind of getting stoned)

Come on. Who thinks up dumb questions like that. Worse still who spends the princely amount of Rs 6 to participate in such contest. I mean, its not something of earth shattering importance like this one in Deccan Chronicle and I quote

"Which local socialite got married in a lavish manner in Delhi?"
Three choices were given (if you want them go read DC)

It surely a matter of national, nay, international importance. Faaltu issues like Environment, Education and Food security pale in comparison. How will I ever survive without having an opinion/knowledge of such important questions.

Jeev Milkha Singh : Punjab da Putter?


Pinprick but Punjab?

Kya aap shawarma roll khayenge?
Nahin hum dining room mein khaate.

Is desh kya yaaron kya kehana.
Part 1 : Yeh desh hai veer jawaano ka.
(with apologies to Plum)

The Army was abolished with help of Social Justice NGOs, as it has inherent class system, jawans can’t sip whiskey in the DSOA club with Generals and so on, so it was proposed, by various groups to remove this class distinction. “How can you have such a caste system in the army” they cried, “when all men are born equal”. “Henceforth all personnel will have the rank of General and then they can ‘social’ise together wherever they want”. If that isn’t true social justice, I don’t know what is. It seems to work fine in many South American and African republics. And they are all doing very well. They have even got together an OPEC type organisation and export items of clothing, under the brand name “Banana Republic”. As a result of this there was as one would expect) large-scale confusion.

General Somu (formerly Sep. Somu) wonders why he should apply gheru and chunna to the trees when General Singh (formerly General Singh) should travel in his black staff car (with red light and four stars), therefore large scale fighting breaks out and as we all know the army has access to weapons…I will spare you the details…all I will say is that it gave a new meaning to the terms ‘Officer’s Mess’ and ‘General Insanity’. The long and the short of it is that, the army was disbanded and as they did not have a band, they could not march and perform drills.

Major to be new Air Chief Marshall !
Is this the biggest promotion in the history of the armed forces? Across service lines, from the Army to the Air Force.It could well be unless there was a General Naik running around somewhere.
Must have had a tough time at NDA when he would have been Cdt Major.

I can already hear people saying "kyoon tau fauj mein teer nahin maar sake to vayu sena main ghus gaye?"

But on a more serious note, if I remember correctly, this was the same chap who flew the helicopter in that cable car rescue incident sometime in the 90s, cause I remember making the same joke then.