Saturday, January 09, 2010

A few things.

WTF. My facebook page has been full of women posting the colours of the bras they are currently wearing. I mean come on! This is bloody unfair. When I asked "excuse pliss sweetie, what colour bra you are wearings?" all I got was one tight slap from girl and a lathi up my you know what from friendly neighborhood policewaala. So that resulted in me being black and blue. Now same "sweeties" are revealing the same bleddy information to all and sundry. Wot it is!!

While recovering from said beating in hospital a very kind young lady in next gurney informed me...well not me, she was telling someone over her posh new droid phone all this while I shamelessly eavesdropped. Apparently 'tis all "in aid of breast cancer" it seems.Before you ask me how publicizing the colour of one's bra is going to help fight breast cancer let me abuse you for being an ignoramus. Do you not know that publicizing one's bra colour will help by...err..err..umm. well. hang on. What is the blooming hurry men?

Anyhow. Changing the subject quickly. I feel women should go one step ahead. They should next post measurements also. Now that would be fun. Those that are economists can have fun calculating the "inflation" of those "figures".Fun with SPSS.

Seriously but, breast cancer is a serious issue. There are several websites that urge people, well mostly those of the female persuasion to carry out self exams such as this one

Well if you do not want to do a self exam, get on public transport in India, and several exams will be done for you free of cost, but results might not be reported in a satisfactory manner.

Men get breast cancer too apparently*, how do we support breast cancer- I meant spreading awareness about it not support it like, oh its an awesome thing everyone should get it at least once (I've had it 5 times myself) Do we go out to the victoria's secret shoroom and pick one up, wear it and then declare to the world on facebook? It will lead to a lot more entertainment.

Now we shall move on to another topic of importance. Testicular and prostate cancer.
Now I suggest that in support of these we should openly declare the colour of our underwear. For instance, tomorrow I will go to the gym wearing a jockstrap that used to be grey in colour, but is not due to various factors (which we shall not mention here,being too numerous and embarrassing to enumerate here)are now of an indeterminate colour that is neither dark nor light.
Comeon men it is time to rally around. It is possible to live without breasts, but think about living without your bollocks...Whassat? You aren't a villager? You don't drive bullocks? What do you drive then a Skoda - LAURA?
That is one interestingly named car, leads to many akward sitations

Memsahib to driver.

M: Driver, Laura nikalo.
Driver: Jo hukum memsahib.
Memsahib faints.

Now that you have recovered from the gut wrenching caused by the thought of living without cojones, let me remind you of it again. What would you do for recreation when watching Shakeela films eh? You will have to donate your porn collection. Your mums will wonder why your showers are so short all of a sudden.
On the other hand, there would be no wars, fights, rapes and such likes -But that is no fun.

So join me in this important cause. Please announce the colour of said piece of undergarment on facebook status, if you prefer going Au naturel, then please mention.

* For men, the lifetime risk of getting breast cancer is about 1/10th of 1% (1 in 1,000). (American Cancer Soc.)
Ok I know that is not a standard format for citation, but you aren't my advisor, so I don't really least I hope you aren't. If you are reading this Dr A, this is not me, it is someone else?
(That should keep the adviser confused for a while)


Rimi said...

Man I love your language. Reminds me of the Anglo Indian ladies in New Market pastry shops, and haggling with the greengrocer's outside. "What men, how it is ten ruppes suddenly haan? Adha kilo only I wanted no? Ten rupees kahan se happened?"

AND. there be two sp. mistakes in this post. Gray and advisor. Tsk tsk. Someone's going all transatlantic, eh?

Australopithecus said...

duly noted..and corrected

Australopithecus said...

but i got colours correct! so there is still hope!

A Chrysanthemum by any other name... said...


Australopithecus said...

@Chrys: Thanks!

Lovell said...

OMFG!! Hilarious!!

Australopithecus said...

@Lovell: thanks