I listened to Take Five today. You know the one played by the Dave Brubeck Quartet.

Only...

Today I was 6 feet away from Dave Brubeck when they played it!

contentment.

So do they have a 4th of July in your country?

No we go directly from the 3rd to the 5th.

Recycling is good for you:

9 out of 10 dwarf eunuchs with diarrhea recommend recycling.

“Recycling makes you feel good – I always recycle my chewing gum wrappers during those 6 hour drives I take on my Humvee”

Chuck Norris recycles.

“You can reuse and recycle anything” says employee at Patel’s Cash & Carry as he picks out used dental floss from a trash can.

On that note, here is something I wrote ages ago. I came up with it in a chat conversation to entertain/ irritate a friend and thought it would look good on the blog...I still think so. So here goes.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Airy-Fairy Tale

Long long ago. In a land far far away, even further than Jhumritallaya. There lived and evil dwarf called Crumpledforeskin. He was the survivor of a circumcision accident. A Jewish moyel had invented this new circumcision machine prototype which drastically malfunctioned,leading to CF's condition and by extension [get it] his name. This also explained his attitude toward life and people in general. He felt that he had been "shortchanged" if you catch my drift. And also he found it difficult to pick up girls- he was too short and they were too heavy. To exact revenge he used to sneak into circumcision ceremonies just as the deed was going to be done he would yell BOO! As the gentle reader can well imagine, this often had tragic outcomes.
But Crumpledforeskin had a special gift. He could see dead people...oops wrong story. No he really did have a gift, his parents gave it to him, for his 12th birthday. It was a BMW M6 convertible. When CF was zooming around in his car, He couldn’t see the road at all, which made life more interesting. If not life, then death at any rate (14% p.a Compounded annually), was now more interesting of course, when the people he crushed under his car went to heaven they felt superior to the lowly ones who had died of common things like STD, Legionary's disease, and Shekhar Suman. For real enjoyment he used to scatter marbles before blind men and exchange the leash of their Seeing Eye dog to a rope tied to the route 45 bus.
He had one more special talent. He could fart on demand. This made him very popular with the renewable energy ministry as a source of biogas. They pleaded with him to help them solve their energy crisis, but CF being evil personified just farted in the energy ministers face and ran away. Well he tried to run at least. But being only about a foot and a half tall (just a little taller than Amir Khan), the Beautiful princess of the kingdom saw him and thought that he was a cockroach. “They” hit him with a rubber chappal by mistake, thinking he was a roach (Periplaneta americana). That was the end of Solomon Grundy..err Crumpledforeskin

Heard on the bus.

"You know kids shouldn't go trick or treating this Halloween, they should do it the Obama way and stay at home and people will give them candy for their potential to trick or treat."

Don't laugh fuckers, I personally know a good many of you who read this blog. Some of you, on the same token could be facing molestation charges as "Potential to grope air-hostesses on domestic flights"

for those of you who live in a cave have not been following the news here is what happened. Living in a cave also might indicate why not knowing any better, you chanced upon this blog.

Barack O. won the Ghanta- Bhi-Nahin Piss prize, won by those, though not completely full of shit, are not short on other forms of excrement.

Seriously folks, nowadays getting the piss prize seems to be as easy as giving a urine sample (the travails of one such test will be mentioned in another post). All you need to be able to do is to piss in a cup, and the piss prize will be yours.
Mohd. Asif and Shoaib Akhtar seem to me in line.

I wonder who is going to win it next year?

Suleiman Chaosh from Barkas? Venkat Reddy from Vanasthalipuram? Both candidates are old hands at the game, and have pissed on many great monuments starting from the Charminar to Sidhanti women's college (opposite Lamba theatre) And I used the term old hands very carefully, I hope they wash their hands at least before shaking hands with those Scandinavian types, who are handing out the prize.

I'm sending for an application form right away!!!

I wanting human value education, selerperse (wonly degree)
I also want to introduce smart neat dress smile.
I joining here wonly for brotherhood and sister, and family life in education temple.

Father-mother reminds me of a rajnikanth dialogue form Guru-Sishya.
When Rajni says thats why your fathermother kept that name.

Edit: 10 mins later and I'm still laughing

Why I like NJ so much.

Below are two recent purchases made in and around my town.

The reason I became interested in the Environment?

The LUST Trust Fund

Trott went at a canter in the end. The English loved it, at least that is what the "Gallop" poll showed.



And now for something completely different.

When someone told me they went to Mt. Titlis. I had a thousand dirt jokes fighting each other to get out.

Samples :
Mt. Titlis was what that rockstar did after Pam Anderson had her implants removed.

I've heard of beastiality, but who would want to mount titlies. Did the same guy get off to the ek titli anek titliya song

more later. I'm off to harass the chap who visited the said natural feature.

For your viewing pleasure-
From the film Sardar Paparayudu.
NTR must have been close to 60 when this film came out. Sridevi was around ahem 16 or something.

Apparently Boy George is coming out(what again? he was straight all the time?[Shh..Listen, err, read])
Apparently Boy George is coming out with a parody of the Beatles/GnR hit called Happiness is a warm Bum.

Were Malcom Marshall and Omar Sheriff related?

" The chariest maid is prodigal enough,
If she unmask her beauty to the moon: "

Hamlet Act 1; Scene 2.

Boletho?

Mr Mayiladuthurai Seshadri Padhmanabhan (retd. LIC employee): Yit is regarding Mister Chari's (Retd. Manager State Bank) maidservant i say, here the famous Williyam shakespeer takes his name seriously and peers at Mr. Chari's maidservant at night time when she is changing her clothes I say. Very indecent these literature fellows are. That is why I am making my son study Engineering I say!
Mr Chari is happy that he is not looking at Mrs Chari. I say.

Smart Alec: Have you seen Mrs. Chari?

Mr MSP : I catch your point.

Lord's is not a level playing field.

A misunderstanding.

Aus: Conductor Lakdi ka pool. Ek.
Conductor: Yeh lo.






pic from here

Is the movie "The President is coming" about the Clinton-Lewinsky affair?

Give me puberty or give me death.
or
How I failed the examination.

It was class 11, hormones were in the air. Unfortunately so were other things, those unmentionable things that, in my book*, rank somewhere between the bubonic plague and castration and somewhere above dental extractions (without local anesthesia- kyon ki hum "local" cheez istemaal nahin karte hain). I, am talking about Maths exams.

Now if you are one of those enthu cutlets who says "Hey! exams are fun ya, especially Maths exam bring on the differential equations" or "what's a bit of trigonometry, I model stochastic processes and work on Quantum superposition while i am asleep- When I am awake I don't use sissy tools like computers and so on do perform Monte Carlo analysis- I can do it with pencil and paper.". You sir/madam will be severely beaten with a hawaii chappal, size 10 (India size, USA 11.5 and Europe 45.5), not just for being good at Mathematics, but for merely existing. You sir are a disgrace to the human race, you are not an enthu cutlet- but a chut pakoda.

Back to the mid-late 90's.

tan  had ruined my sleep. It had invaded my dreams, wet or otherwise. I wondered if it were a "sin" to dream about trigonometry that way. It was not so much about me doing nasty things to trigonometry, it was things being the other way around that worried me. That was "cos" I was so bad at it you see. Somehow I did manage to study. I was fairly confident that I would manage to achieve the previously unimaginable 'zenit" of 35%. To butcher a Beatles song- All you need is to pass.
However fate and hormones had other plans in store.


Before going further let me explain the seating arrangements we sat in the made in the assembly hall of the school that allegedly used to double up as the prep room in the old days....much before I was there. The hall was named after one of the old Angrez principals, but that is besides the point. So, we had half the rows of seats (along with tables of course) facing East and half the rows facing West. I was on the last row that was facing east. I could see the faces of all the blokes who were on the last row facing west. Lucky sods weren't taking Maths.

People who know me will tell you that I have a tendency to keep looking "here and there" be it a class, a concert, a play, a cricket match or even an exam. Suddenly my eyes stopped. There- a few rows in front of me was this girl let us call her umm. M. M was kind of hot. She was sitting in a very funny way, I could look up a lot of her skirt, and when she crossed and uncrossed her legs one could see a lot lot more. .There were two of us who chanced on this view at the same time, the other guy was sitting right behind me. Horny 15 year old boys being horny 15 year old boys., our jaws dropped, our tongues hung out and a puddle of drool collected on the floor. M would periodically look up and smile at us louts for some strange reason. Both of us (the guy behind me and yours truly) failed the exam, and were in the race for the bottom of the class.

And that Ladies and Gentlemen was how I failed an examination for the first time. I subsequently got used to it.


* - Book published by S.Chand publishers. S.Chand books for all.

Andy Rawdick? After almost 4 hours what do you expect?

Porn on the 4th of July.

Yank my doodle. Dandy.

This is a song Called Achcha Shirt Siya from the Album Deccani Hits.
Singers Shabbir Dange, Bashakhan Bijapur, Nizam(no not Osman Pasha- Cd cover is damaged where his surname is printed.), Saira Bano, and Mangala. Music : Maruti Mirjkar
Lyrics Shabbir Dange, Bashakhan Bijapur, Nizam