This is something I've been meaning to share for a very long time, I kept forgetting...
but anyway, here you go....

Do Physicists use Flux soap?

The perils of living with Daya

The secret to making excellent Dum biryani is using good quality tobacco.

or Charminar cigarettes if making Hyderabadi dum biriyani.

Or using Miss South Carolina for Dumb biryani for Hannibal Lecter.

Oh man, when I am procrastinating I usually end up on Youtube, which explains some of the brainchod videos I've been finding. Some of these are below.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK

...or for decent folk, but since you are here, reading this blog, chances are that you are not of the decent persuasion. If somehow you've wandered here by accident dear Hansel and Gretel, the gingerbread house is down the road 4th left third right "Shilton Cafe backside", Narayanaguda X roads, or to visit their other branch 2nd left from Begum Bazaar Chatri, and watch where you drop those bread crumbs, India is full of bhooke nange people if you listen to the gora log in U.S, they will mug you just like on the Brooklyn bound C train, then you will be bhooka nanga.
I digress so back to brainchod video and audio. Here you go:

No 1:



and as the biology fail Tombolla announcer used to call out What babies do Number 2 ..like how does he do?
Oh speaking of doing, next time someone asks me "How do you do?" I am going to reply - I prefer doggie style but my girlfriend prefers reverse cowgirl..so we do like that. I don't want to know how you do, unless you are hot and of the female persuasion, lesbians also welcome.

But here we go.



Kudos to original uploaders.

Oh man, i just found my new favorite song! Right alongside You are my chicken fry from Rock dancer, Night lovers by bappi and Tella Cheera Kala Katuka from the film Sardar Paparayudu (with NTR and Sridevi).
We now have

Ricky Martin is gay - DNA proudly announces
Editor sahab. This isn't news it's "olds", people figured that out some 13-14 years ago. Come on what is next, more blindingly obvious Headlines? "Politicians are corrupt", "CEOs are well paid" or even "Piles clinic pamphlets are amusing to read". Who cares if Ricky Martin is gay or not? Apparently to commemorate this event Ricky is rewriting one of his old songs to now bring you "Living Libido loco".

Now that, this item agenda is out of the way, the next item is "Water of the Ganges", no I'm not acting in this new magical film called Sorcar Raj.

Now this Sania Mirza - Shoaib Malik thing. This dude seems to have a thing for Hyderabadi girls or what. Now one good thing about this whole thing is that, she is moving to Dubai (I'm resisting making "Dubai gayo" jokes). Sania Mirza and her irritating voice and accent will no longer grate on Hyderabadi nerves. The sad part is, we will no longer see her other not so grating "Ass"ets (as well as the other things) as often as we'd like to - but good luck to her, with her future husbands track record in various alleged marital matters being somewhat iffy, going by press reports, she needs all the luck that she can get.

"So Australopithecus" he asked. "What motivates you to get up and jump out of bed every morning?".
Mostly my bladder, sometimes the bowels do it. Oh yes also angry phone calls from my advisor.

Oh and this is what I guzzled the other day!



Do note that it is Tempered over burning witches, People from the SPCW needn't partake.

SPCW = Society for prevention of cruelty to witches - not to be confused with the Lady Gaga fan club.


I forced my friend Firefly to take this picture.

Reports of Mick Jagger dating Kate Moss are supposedly untrue. As we all know...A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

I subscribe to this email list where grad students often put up things for sale, rooms to rent and so on. So this email landed in my inbox this morning,

"I am looking to rent out my bathroom. It has a nice sized closet perfect
for one or even two grad students. The price is negotiable."

I can't stop laughing.

Scary thing is- he might actually get some serious offers, especially in this state.

Saw what an all happened at the Aus v/s Pak game eh? That bugger Afridi bitoff the ball men. God olly knows whatanall he was thinking olly. He misunderstood the term "first bite of the cherry" they are saying it seems.

What men, immediately send off that bloody bugger to Suzie's spoken English classes men. Pakistan don't need a bloomin' cricket coach olly, they need a language coach men - also a bullet proof coach to take them from the airport to their homes an all, otherwise all these roadside buggers will stone em to death men. No other work olly they have.

I 'ope this Afridi's girlfriend doesn't get ideas an all from this men...other wise our fellow will be constantly no-balled.Don't go near Darell Hair and all men, nasty bugger he is. My cousin Kenny is there min in Australia, his neighbor olly he is (Aussies and neighbors go together it seems). Yesterday only he was tellin', that Hair fullo is a useless bugger and all.

Would you call a really easily satisfied begger a "Chauvanist"? Give him a chauvanni and he will be happy.

We will rock you!

Why is Australia full of pricks? It was once a "penal" colony.

ipad? Really? Do you only use it on certain days of the month? What about men then?

Man bites dog

Much fun, all those who are still on facebook, pliss to go look.

From there I see this news item with a headline.


Movie Made By Chimpanzees To Air On The BBC (VIDEO)

"Wow!" I said to myself. I often talk to myself, I make very interesting conversation. Also, I'm probably the only one who likes the sound of my voice and can tolerate self for more than 10 minutes.

I digress, so where was I? Yes, I was looking at the headline and saying "Wow!" to myself. It could have been worse, I could have imitated an old Vivek Oberoi - drain cleaner err I meant Vanilla coke advert and said "Wakaoooooooo", I am digressing again.

"Wow!"(the same wow, now with 20% extra xylitol). "I did not know that they showed Salman Khan's movies on the BBC." Then it struck me. It boletho, not Salman Khan, he only goes after Black bucks and other dumb creature like that, which brings us back to Vivek Oberoi. Back to the point now. It struck me that the headline said movies BY chimps- so it might not be Sallu.


Then I got this sinking feeling (just like the captain of the Titanic did), they couldn't mean...no that would be inhuman. The BBC for all its faults, is not that sadistic and cruel...they couldn't be telecasting Ramu ki Aag now could they?

So I clicked on the link with great trepidation, only to find, much to my relief - It was not Ramu or Sallu, but our dear distant cousins who share a lot of things with us, including around 98% genetic matter (wow! they do? Should have let them go and write my genetics exams through undergrad- might have done better,because the papers were usually set by one of their biradari wonly).

This could be dangerous no- Chimpanzees live very exciting lives and they roam about with less clothes than Mallika Sherawt, Throw in an item number or two (not by Jane Goodall pliss) and they might give stiff competition to all of Imran Hashmi's films.
Lord knows, they can act better than he can. Soon we will see chimps taking over from the Hindi film industry and hiring Mahesh Bhatt to be their official spokesperson, for obvious reasons. He behaves exactly like a chimp during interviews, scratches here and there and becomes super aggressive suddenly basically like them only fighting for Alpha position.

Soon they may take over our airlines as well, and the airlines will be better managed, slowly this way they spread like some insidious disease and take over the world. You remember Charlton Heston in the Planet of the Apes- our collective batkus will be like that.

Well, by by ours, I mean actually yours, you see an Australopithecus- is halfway between humans and apes. so I'm covered any which way.

For some strange reason, I've been in the grips of nostalgia for the last few days. Usually I welcome nostalgia...I am all for the "Un dinon mein..."type speeches. This time around it gives me something to think about. In a couple of months it will be 10 years since I wrote my ISC exams. This fact crept up behind me and hit me on the head with a lead pipe, while I was listening to 90s indipop songs on youtube. Heh!

Looking back I feel that those songs weren't that bad, some were quite good in fact. Is that just nostalgia talking or was it because of the subsequent hijacking of indipop by bad bhangra-pop, remix and most importantly titillating videos, that made you yearn for the "good old days". Let me clarify I am all for titillating videos. I used to watch them on mute, to avoid distractions. That method worked for me.

It is also winter. Winter always screws with my head. I always get nostalgic in winter. Of course America winters being much more severe than winters in the desh, the nostalgia is multiplied? Its all to do with hanging around indoors all day. It is not healthy to spend so much of one's time indoors...but when the temperature outside, in Fahrenheit looks like your Maths marks throughout 11th class - you will stay in believe me. When I said "your Maths marks", I meant of course, mine.

More on this later, I have a paper to finish writing, so I need to find another avenue of procrastination. I leave you with something to listen to.

A few things.

Colours.
WTF. My facebook page has been full of women posting the colours of the bras they are currently wearing. I mean come on! This is bloody unfair. When I asked "excuse pliss sweetie, what colour bra you are wearings?" all I got was one tight slap from girl and a lathi up my you know what from friendly neighborhood policewaala. So that resulted in me being black and blue. Now same "sweeties" are revealing the same bleddy information to all and sundry. Wot it is!!

While recovering from said beating in hospital a very kind young lady in next gurney informed me...well not me, she was telling someone over her posh new droid phone all this while I shamelessly eavesdropped. Apparently 'tis all "in aid of breast cancer" it seems.Before you ask me how publicizing the colour of one's bra is going to help fight breast cancer let me abuse you for being an ignoramus. Do you not know that publicizing one's bra colour will help by...err..err..umm. well. hang on. What is the blooming hurry men?

Anyhow. Changing the subject quickly. I feel women should go one step ahead. They should next post measurements also. Now that would be fun. Those that are economists can have fun calculating the "inflation" of those "figures".Fun with SPSS.

Seriously but, breast cancer is a serious issue. There are several websites that urge people, well mostly those of the female persuasion to carry out self exams such as this one

Well if you do not want to do a self exam, get on public transport in India, and several exams will be done for you free of cost, but results might not be reported in a satisfactory manner.

Men get breast cancer too apparently*, how do we support breast cancer- I meant spreading awareness about it not support it like, oh its an awesome thing everyone should get it at least once (I've had it 5 times myself) Do we go out to the victoria's secret shoroom and pick one up, wear it and then declare to the world on facebook? It will lead to a lot more entertainment.


Now we shall move on to another topic of importance. Testicular and prostate cancer.
Now I suggest that in support of these we should openly declare the colour of our underwear. For instance, tomorrow I will go to the gym wearing a jockstrap that used to be grey in colour, but is not due to various factors (which we shall not mention here,being too numerous and embarrassing to enumerate here)are now of an indeterminate colour that is neither dark nor light.
Comeon men it is time to rally around. It is possible to live without breasts, but think about living without your bollocks...Whassat? You aren't a villager? You don't drive bullocks? What do you drive then a Skoda - LAURA?
That is one interestingly named car, leads to many akward sitations

Memsahib to driver.

M: Driver, Laura nikalo.
Driver: Jo hukum memsahib.
Memsahib faints.



Now that you have recovered from the gut wrenching caused by the thought of living without cojones, let me remind you of it again. What would you do for recreation when watching Shakeela films eh? You will have to donate your porn collection. Your mums will wonder why your showers are so short all of a sudden.
On the other hand, there would be no wars, fights, rapes and such likes -But that is no fun.

So join me in this important cause. Please announce the colour of said piece of undergarment on facebook status, if you prefer going Au naturel, then please mention.



* For men, the lifetime risk of getting breast cancer is about 1/10th of 1% (1 in 1,000). (American Cancer Soc.)
Ok I know that is not a standard format for citation, but you aren't my advisor, so I don't really care...at least I hope you aren't. If you are reading this Dr A, this is not me, it is someone else?
(That should keep the adviser confused for a while)

Caste division in breweries also?

Hmm, but this beer did get me Iyer than other beers.

a nose by anyother name, would smell just as well.

To celebrate this great victory, workers of the "victorious" party tried to put up a statue of their (almost late) great leader Sri Hungerstrikepalle Chandrafaker Rao.. The statue was life size and mad from precious metals all in anticipation of the "gains" they would have from the new state.

Unfortunately, the statue was to scale. and Hungerstrikepalle garu - well let us just say ,what the good Lord did not give him in good sense, decency and morals, he compensated in -snout-.What? Do I mean nose? err yes if you insist and threaten to unleash jobless MA in Pol.Sci students from OU on me....nose it is.

Chandrafaker Rao is so well endowed in the olfactory organ category that when he once went snorkeling and scuba diving in the Maldives he required none of the equipment they try to rent you all this air tanks and all that nonsense, He merely stuck his nose up in the air and was able to take deep breaths- from the ionosphere. This way he could also listen to his favorite radio programme on radio mirchi(idi chaala hot guru)- anywhere in the world, and in this case 20,000 leagues under as well. Please do not ask me if those Leagues were A division or B1 Division, I am currently out of touch with local cricketing scene in Hyderabad.

There are downsides of course to be blessed with such a proboscis. you see. The guys spraying the anti-mosquito fumes often mistook him for a mutant giant monster mosquito. They watched too many Japanese monster films for their own good. Taking our subject to be one of those from the Godzilla v/s Mothra stables they would turn the DDT on full blast and spray him with it. Definitely not good for the adenoids.
Also with great nose - comes great smelling power. One way to exact revenge on said subject is to feed the whole lot of those aforementioned OU students a lot of chole and lock them in the same tiny room with faker babu you know a sort of "reward" for their support to the cause. It would also help to turn off water to the hostels for a couple of days so that the students, who usually do not believe in good things like regular showers, would smell specially extra ripe, just for Faker garu.

Aah gentle reader I digress. so Faker's supporters were putting up statues of him. Ok, statues 1 nos wonly.

Due to this overabundant beak of faker garu, the statue kept tipping over and the nose drilling holes into the pavements with better efficiency than the GHMC workers (who at said time were off on chai break.)

So try as they might, they were not able to keep the statue erect. They tried everything, even ozomen and Silk Smitha videos, as they knew these things helped get erections. The Silk Smitha video did not work as another band of students confiscated and burnt said dvds as silk smitha was from Andhra. So said workers went off in search of Telangana porn and purely telangana "sex-workers" while our subject's statue stood in a pose like MJ from smooth criminal. MJ had the opposite problem with his nose, it kept falling off.



In other news, Discos banned in Hyderabad by the "party", due to a rumor was circulated that Disco Shanti was from Andhra. Night life now restricted to getting drunk on cheap booze and doing teen maar dance.