I like New Jersey. It is like another state of India.

I can get Old Monk and Kingfisher in the liquor store. Henceforth all "Liquor Stores" in NJ will be referred to as "Thekas". Oh and we also get Golden Eagle beer, RC and Peter Scot Whiskeys.

There is an Indian Chinese Restaurant called .....Hold your breath "Nanking". Well the Manchurians were not half as good as those served in its namesake, but nothing says India more than......err Chinese food.

Desis are everywhere. In the stores, in classes, where ever you go. There we are. Check your pockets you might find some there also.One of the Engg. classes has 36 Indians in a total strenght of 38.

No Irani cafes thus far, but my landlord is Iranian. Does that count?

...and now for something completely different.

Lost in translation

What songs are these?

In front of eyesight, near liver, someone stays. That is youuuuuuuuu


Little waiting's fun you take, love and (..umm) love's fun you take, Little waiting's fun you take


You are standing foreigner, will you give company? You are standing foreigner, by morning first vehicle you will return home.

more later.

How to get cheap entertainment in mexican restaurants

A:Do you have inch lauda?

Waiter:Si. We have Enchiladas, tacos, Burritos.

A: You really have an inch lauda?

W: Si. Yes yes.

giggle giggle.

A: No I guess I'll have some Nachos.

W: Ok .

A: Hum nachos. Tum gaos?

W: Losing patience . what what.

A: (who is not partial to having his food spat in) oh nothing sorry...(points to blue tooth headset.)on the phone. That will be all. Thanks




Idea for a new band. Like 9 inch nails. 9 enchiladas .

The quote

“Mann ka ho to acchha. Mann ka na ho to zyada acchha !”

was about Punjabi pop music.

This was a complex joke.Where the joke part is imaginary

If Morrie Schwartz had Lou Gehrig's disease. Whose disease did Lou Gehrig have?

I miss! would you believe.

I have been tagged. In order to avoid reading a paper I shall comply. So here it goes.

My oldest memory :


I think it would be a small room in a town in the hills of north bengal. My mother was making tea on a stove and trunks were lying all around. My father was standing in his uniform just outside the door talking to someone.

10 years ago :
I was funnier, ruder, less tolerant, less cynical, less easily depressed,had more hair,had no beard, didn't know what i wanted in life, was a thousand times fitter, didn't smoke as much(couldn't afford to), 25 kilos lighter, the same height and was good looking.

My first thought today morning :
I need to go pee

You built a time capsule today what would it contain?
Non-GM grains especially jowar , bajra and all. Photographs, an i-pod with a sheet of paper explaining what it is(or was) and what it does (or did). A photo of Pamela Anderson, showcasing her once very large "assets"

This year:
has been one crazy ride.Many ups and downs.

14 years from now - I may still be alive.

So I need to tag some people
I tag
Cynic in wonderland
The sisters Vyas
Non-Sensei
The not so talkative man.
Sita

and anyone else who wants to attempt

"Senior" :Welcome to Grad School Australopithecus. What are you in for?(like they do in prisons...makes one think.)

Me: A PhD. Hopefully will be done in 5 years.

"Senior" : looks at me strangely and gives what has often been described as a "hollow mirthless laugh" and goes away muttering "5 years, 5 years, 5 years"

Someone later tells me, he has been around the department for 8 years. And hasn't finished writing his thesis yet. Damn! That's scary.
***

I've got my own laptop now. for the first time ever I won't be sharing a computer with a family member. It is great news. I don't have to hide porn anymore. I can have it close by for ...err... easy reference.

I am also told that this means I no longer need to camp out in the lab/library to study.
This is where realization strikes ( like a trade union) "Oh! one can study in the library as well"
I've been abusing the library facilities. As a grad student, I can borrow 240 books at a time.
I've go a few...Wodehouse, Dorothy L Sayers, Agatha Christie, Leslie Charteris and the complete Peanuts from 1950 to 1952. Amazing. Some of the Wodehouses are first editions. I realized this slightly late , right after I've left my books lying near an open window when a hurricane struck.


I need to work on getting an internet connection.
***

Why smoking is bad for you.



location: "the village" NYC

Australopithecus says out loud.: I really need a fag right now.


friend: Shhhhhhhhhhh.

Public: looks interestedly in Australopithecus

Australopithecus: Oh! Shit! Run!

A: Hey nice bicycle. How about a ride
Hot girl on bicycle: Sure, and tries to hand bicylce over to A
A: Woah! I didn't mean on the bike.
SLAP

Another thing that worries me about these Americans is the use of the word momentarily.
I almost shat in my trousers when the pilot announced "we shall take off momentarily"
Get me off this aircraft right now!

Hello all, have been loafing around in the Bay Area these last few days. Did all the regualr touristy things ...well some of them at any rate.

India gave me a parting gift. I left with a 103 fever. It was fun. I was hoping they wouldn't pull me off the plane in Shanghai for having SARS or bird flu or whatever. The last place I want to be stuck in is China. Well anyhow apart from that minor interruption made it to SFO and have been having a blast here. Err no not that kind of blast...I'm not from Al Queda Please don't send me to Guantanamo Bay. I don't even like Cuba. I don't want to be Al Quaidi. Help! I don't want to sing Guantanamo mera to the tune of Guantanamera.

One of the many things that strike me about the US.

The Political correctness.--They call a spade a farmyard implement.

The Bay Area has some amazing cars. Especially posh places like pebble beach. I just stood and watched as 3 cars whizzed by
they were a Ferrari a Lamborghini and a strech Limo. My eyes popped out of their sockets. This led my uncle to remark "Put those eyes and tongue back in they fine you for littering here:"

more later

Hyderabad Blues

This Blog will soon be coming to you from a different country! It feels strange. In a few days, I'll be uprooting self, and moving to the Umrika. So those of you on the east coast, with masochistic tendencies- do get in touch.at aforaustralopithecus(at)gmail(dot)com

Many Hyderabadi things will be missed such as

Deccani.

Late nights at C and F's

Good Biryani

Chatting away in NC till its late in the evening and the buses are so damned crowded you need to wait for an hour to get an emptyish one, all the time yakking away at the bustop over the amazing adrak chai at the bandi

Old Monk and Thums Up

Charminars

The original Charminar

Sitting around in Irani cafes for hours on end..and ordering one single chai and Osmania biskoot and smoking innumerable bada Gold Flakes. Saying things like Afzal bhai teen chote samose 2 Lukhmee 4 single chai aur sabko Osmania biskoot.

The random loafings around K's house in Secunderabad with R and M the insane times we had rolling with laughter in those dirty gallis . Like the time we were discussing sidey film titles such as Rajamhundry Rambha and Vayasu Pilustundi Raa, these three girls thought we were eve teasers. It was fun. Almost got into serious trouble, but just managed to realize in time and run away before their baap bhai log came to beat us up

Driving around aimlessly in the Cantt.

The odd combination of the smell of stale beedi smoke, unwashed bodies, malle poovulu and toddy. Thats the smell of the bus that took me home.

The fact that you could walk into a restaurant at 1630 hours and have lunch!

The smell of mirchi bajjis frying on rainy monsoon days.

The time space distortion that you have here. When you ask anyone for directions, they will invariably say, (no mater where you are and where you want to go), seedha chale jao.
WRT time we should look at the terms Parson. and abichaatoon. When a Hyderabadi says parson he doesn't mean the day before yesterday, he or she means any date from yesterday to the time when Mehboob Pasha became the Nizam. When a Hyderabadi says abich aatoon and goes away the probability of not seeing him again is very high.


This list is endless. I shall keep adding. You had better keep reading

Ramblings- Episode 1-Gaur se suno (or) How to warm your trousers on a cold day

It has been a crazy few months.

It all started with the job. I hated it. Well that's not entirely true. I liked the job. I just hated my boss and it did not help that many of my colleagues had the IQs of dead newts. So I chucked it and went loafing, apparently I also chucked sanity and went mad. How else would I do a road trip 500 odd Kilometres each way, across Tamil Nadu in the middle of May, not the very merry month of May let me assure you. They said "only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid-May sun" (to bastardize a phrase). The last time I checked my passport, it said Republic of India so I guess all I have to say is..woof woof growlll.

So we went Chennai-Pondicherry-Trichy/Srirangam(where we had amazing lunch both onward and return journey)-Dundigal- and hold your breath...Kodaikanal. So you see, there was method to this madness after all. Spent a week or so there in this lovely 100 year old house, with a pear and plum orchard attached. There was a lot of birding to be done, saw quite a few exotic species. The highlight of the trip of course was to be the encounters with the Gaur.

So here is how it happened, to borrow words from Monk.Early one morning, I was running around the Sholas trying to invade the privacy of a Black-and-orange Flycatcher (Ficedula nigrorufa), when I reached a small valley, the end of the road for the chase, but then we had binoculars, so we played paparazzi, without a camera for a bit, before I was politely interrupted by a low grunt from behind. I turn around to look and see this massive specimen of Gaur, standing a few feet away, looking apologetic for ruining my morning birding. However, the rest of his herd, all ten of them, weren't looking quite so apologetic. I was screwed, to put it politely, It was perhaps a good thing that I had answered Mother Nature's call just a few moments before this event, otherwise there would have been an addition to the groundwater levels of Periyakulam down in the plains.

Stuck between a herd of wild animals and a valley and all I could think of were sidey jokes like Gaur farmaiyie and Gaur se suno while simultaneously freaking out. somehow managed to walk away edging along the valley and scooting while they were looking for leaves to eat. When I got home, I found that the Gaur had already been there looking for me, and in the process had trampled all over the flower beds.


Update: I have just been informed that Rakhi Sawant once said something like "Insaan nahin to kya saand peeche padenge” I guess I should be happy, insaan nahin to kum se kun saand to peeche pade hain

Life comes full circle.

When I was a kid, Inflation was in double digits, Ramayana was on TV and a man named Subhash Gising was leading agitations for a separate Gorkhaland.

20 years later.

Inflation is in double digits, Ramayana is on TV (sans that painful Arun Govil) and people are agitating for a separate Gorkhaland.

mixed meta-fours

This post was written in the immediate aftermath of the IPL. So it is a little dated. Tazaa maal will be up shortly. Pliss to bear with me. If you are hot, single and of the female persuasion, you can bare with me as well, I won't mind one bit.

The IPL had more of an impact on me than I realized. Even a week after it was over and done with I still had a vague feeling of incompleteness at 8pm every evening. To get rid of this feeling I consumed copious quantities of a beverage similarly named.

One of the biggest impacts of the IPL has been., no I don’t mean ball hitting bat (vice versa actually) , spectators in the crowd, or even the amount of money spent. I mean the commentary.

Yes ladles and jellyspoons, this is the age of marketing ..and of low attention spans. So various commentators, I can't remember who, I wasn't paying attention (I did say it was the age of low attention spans) , It was mostly L. Sivaramakrishnan and gang who kept shouting "thats another DLF maximum" time and time again. If I hear anyone say it one more time I'm going to take a DLF maximum bamboo and shove it up their.....aah..Damn! I said it myself. Its so deeply ingrained...maybe I should rush to see a shrink. Rush as fast as a tracer bullet? If I hear Ravi Shastri say that again...I'm going to run away faster than a tracer bullet. I understand that with so many boundaries its difficult for them to come up with new stuff, which is why I've decided to help them out and so should you...for your own sanity's sake- come up with new lines.

That's gone to the fence faster than...

... A Rolex dropped on the footpath.

...Ben Johnson running to the loo with explosive diarrhea.

...Shakti Kapoor running towards the abla naaris (did the ball say Aaooo as well?)

... the time UP Police takes to mess up cases.

over to you now.

This post has been cross posted on Sursuri
Sursuri will shortly be running a fun competition along these lines so check it out.




PS: Latest in Indo- Japanese fusion cusine. Chicken Terimaaki. Maybe someone should let Bhajji and Symmo have a taste.

Country...what?

A: So I quit baap.
B: Oho! now what it seems? What is plan of action now? velagiri?
A: Esss
B: You will become sadakchaap loafer re.
A: Amma! Don't call me sadakchap loafer. I prefer to be called a Roads Scholar
B: #$@%

Ford Escort or a GM Whore.

So, the other day I was in the office doing what most people who work for the government try to do. Catch 40 winks. To assist me in this endeavour was this horrible report my boss had written about a scheme serving a certain section of society in the rural areas. It was working very well lulling me into a nice little semi-doze...until I came to this sentence.

" Providing escort services to the beneficiaries for employment opportunities"

I burst out laughing waking up the entire office and new words were added to my vocabulary.Now that I was awake, I tried my best to register for the above mentioned scheme.Alas. I was above the poverty line(just barely) and therefore not eligible for this particular I'd have to get my own escorts I guess.

Now who exactly would you term as the beneficiary under the above circumstances.The user or the service provider?