Orkutte.

One suggestion to all chaps on Orkut: If you do list one of your passions as "writing" try spelling it with a W.Spelling it with a single T would also be nice (Afzal ek single T , do Osmania biskoot laane jaldi).

Avoiding statement like "I am a simple man guy " would be great. Especially that insistence, by stating the fact twice, makes one wonder...But this one is great "i am selfmad man." At least this gentleman has the honesty to admit it.He drove himself crazy, imagine what he could do to you!

Incoherence is avoidable...

"wht to say an where to start with mee colll but talkitive an g luv music an carz an bikez don't 4get frndz too im a guy who want to be with frndz aonly most of da time..........
me do hav a friendly nature an love to increase them so do be my frnd u will be in a diif world an i do like to hav frndz like u all so plzzz vote SO PL VOTE 4TAJMAHAL PLZZZZZZZ AT LEAST 4THE SAKE OS INDIA 'S GLOURY"

...As is the repetition of the last alphabet of a word N number of times, such as "plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz", "moreeeeeeeeeeeee" and "i lovvveeeeeeeeee trishaaaaaaaa"

Bloomers like these will be laughed at, and you will be made fun off.

like this guy,who says:

"im a cute but fatty gut an i wann to reduce da weight an they tell it is done only by makin more frndz so i joined da orkut so............"

Oh i've got a gut feeling about you...and es ist nicht gut. Oh now I nknow why I'm not losing weight. I've only been making friends on orkut, not frndz. Could someone tell me how I could go about making Frndz?

"i do like to drink coolll drinkzmore.....................lik to shop an watch flims an do many more so wht do u say................................................"

'lik'? Whiskey Tango foxtrot is that? What do I say? I say jump in a dry well.

And as far as i know, being the young fogey that i am..Linakan park is not a band...in fact Linkin park should be banned.

His take on interaction with the opposite sex
"wht to tell more abt me im a very decent guy an love to flert girlz an i do it widh style an i think abt them before but i think i cannot now bcoz im angaged now so u hav to all tell abt me by adding me up..........................................................shure do add me up to get a very good frnd..........................................."

I swallowed all that...but.
now here is where I got suspicious...it could be a huge put up job...couldn't it.

"cuisines: many r their but srikanth an keerthii r my favroite cos......... "

oh well...as long as I laughed.

Aight. This here blog is now four years old...

yay! (fanfare) . Throws confetti in the air.
right thats all now..shows over. Ta-ta bye-bye pip-pip and all that.


oh! and you might want to read a post i wrote over here for Anil's blog's birthday. .
and now mine..like one celebrates ones birthday by eating out..I celebrated by writing out.

Q. What is Assembly language?
A. In A.P. something like lanja kodaka, pisatchi munda kodaka, donga bhadacou. and so on.

Observation.
Dorothy Parker

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again,
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much,
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

I don't have too much to say. Since that's never stoped me before..why should it stop me now.
I just saw the keyword analysis thingamajig on Statcounter and I find that someone has arrived at this particular point in cyberspace looking for :

a) Telangana porn: Yes lots of that here. Plenty of women named Pochamma, Pullaamma etc. caught in various positions performing various acts of personal nature.…Those regionally minded people who only want Andhra porn please watch films like Rajamhundry Rambha, Vayasu Pilustundi raa and such like.

b)Teleshopping sauna belts: If you’ve ever seen me you wouldn’t even mention “fitness” products and my name in the same sentence, especially these dodgy ones. Of course I don’t complain while watching the commercials. I once watched two such programmes back to back because I was too lazy to get off my rear and find the remote control.

c) hindi meaning of khatmal in English: I swear I did not make this up. I can’t even understand it, how can I make it up katte! Will some of the more educashunned peepuls reading this blog please explain to me what the Hindi meaning of khatmal in English is, please thrown in German subtitles as well.

d) traffic jam bappi lahiri lyrics: Aah! Finally! I am in my element now. I'm not totally sure but I think this song Traffic Jam was in that film Rock Dancer...that also boasted of that amazingly creative piece called "you are my chicken fry" It's is being remixed and used for KFC's new ad campaign katte, not Traffic Jam..the other one..Traffic Jam ought to be Hyderabad's new theme song.

e) Last and definitely not the least was the search for Telangana. : All I have to say is
Bad Request Error 404 . Constitute second SRC then try again.

Overheard at the Unit Canteen. Two lady officers were talking

Officer1: Hey! What do you think about this deo?
Officer2: Arey! It's too flower-flowery-girly-girly smelling yaar.
Officer1: So what?
Officer2: We are men now!

Here is the latest from our other bunch of jokers (the first being housed in Parliament) But It is indeed becoming difficult to tell those chaps apart.
So comments from yours truly in brackets.

This is an actual 100% genuine press release. except for my 81 paise worth. Thanks to boredsub for sending me this press release.

THE BOARD OF CONTROL FOR CRICKET IN INDIA

Hon. Secretary's Office, BCCI, Rajkot

PRESS RELEASE

12^th May, 2007

Regarding update on injury of Majnoj Tiwary.

(Manoj? ya Majnu?)

Mr Niranjan Shah, Hon Secretary, BCCI has announce following update on injury of Manoj Tiwary.

"Manoj Tiwary sustained an injury to the right shoulder while fielding at Dhaka. His shoulder came out and this was then relocated by Indian team physio Mr John Gloster.
(His shoulder came out, but the rest of him is straight)

Today Dr Anant Joshi examines Manoj at Mumbai and his MRI revealed a tear of antero inferior labrum. ( Inferior! Now I know you are talking about the cricket team)

(Ise kehte hain, international cricket dekhte ich uski phat gayi.)

Considering Manoj's age and demands of his dominant arm, arthroscopic shoulder surgery will be done by Dr Joshi on Monday. (Demands of his dominant arm, at his age too. The BCCI should not only foot his bill, but set him up as well. You wouldn't want him , to further damage anything in performing demanding activities with dominant arm.)

Post surgery, he is likely to be in a sling for three to four weeks and will then require rehab. Before full function can be achieved." ( He is likely to be in a sling eh? Why? Is he training to go on the moon mission? Will they put him on the sling and swing him round round round untill he reaches escape velocity?)

Philhal bus itna hi. Agli baar phir milenge. Namaskar.

Is an excellent confidence trickster a super duper?

Thank you for the memories.

Keep the flag flying.

"So why do you Tams wear your lungis like that" she asked. Shaken from semi slumber (which I can fall into anyplace anytime, especially if you mention words like normal mode analysis), I very intelligently remark "Huh?". She repeats the question. and I launch into it as Sidhu used to launch into a well flighted delivery. Speaking of launch is that what bongs do at the Taj Bengal?
"Firstly its not a lungi its a Veshti"
" Same thing only, why but?" she asks
"Its like a flag flying at half mast. We do it to mourn the death of Tamil culture due to invasion of this alleged culture from the north. The north being anywhere above Sriharikota (speaking of launches yet again)."
But I digress we fly our flags..err our Veshtis at half mast and like Dougal McDougal we use our noses to play Abide with me. "
"Isn't that also an invasion of culture?" she very astutely points out.
"Well, ahem, yes, but some of us love the British (aka "the britishers aka verry decent fellows saar, not like these Americans scoundrels saar, all wearing only nicker and roaming here and there saar.). Also it allows the light sea breeze to cool the fundamentals. In the hot humid summer, there is nothing like a breeze cooling your future generations. After all isn't it a parents duty to ensure comfort of their young, both current and future? "

Jai Telangana
This is hilarious.The pink is for obvious reasons. :)

Guests.(aka The good, the bad and the Agli baar kabhi nahin)

There are various types of guests as mentioned above. Some guests are nice well behaved, and when they come to stay they don't use too much water and even help out..so thats great. People who fall into that category are always a pleasure to have. These are usually people you know quite well so its fun also.

There are those guests who are horribly inconsiderate. Wake up late, inconsiderately ask for coffee and chai at odd hours..basically behave the same way I do. But then they make up for it all by treating one to dinner somewhere lots of sins are forgiven on a near bursting stomach.

Then there are those who crib. these second rates sons of sword swallowers behave as if we've put them into Gulag 3. Ooh why don't you have water..it just ran out I only showered for half an hour! The food is too bland...later now it's too spicy. Behaving like prize pricks. (Prize pricks..I didn't know there were such competitions. I just hope they don't actually PIN the blue ribbon on the victorious member)
They are welcome to write about their experiences in the realm of the Australopithecus, giving Alexander Solzhenitsyn competition(after wining the prize pricks and dickhead awards,,they fancy themselves) Luckily we've had only one such person forcibly thrust on us.

Now there are some guests who are horribly nosy...always sticking thier noses into business that doesn't concern them..e.g "who was that girl who called for you?" "why do your parents allow you to go out so late at night.?" ."what is this green stuff I found in your cupboard" . Behenchod! none of your friggin' business....These are not guests. These are the Guestapo. They have "Vays to mek me Tok" alright..but when I talk( or tok in German subtitles) its definitely not PG rated.

Guests may be good bad or nasty..they are always interesting.

M: we have and old comp 3-4 years old maybe i need new 256 ram and i'm expected to do high level graphics... :O me: aapka computer RAM bharose chalra M: : :| me: ooh i got to blog that..

"No Cummins, no goings"

So I state again, I have very little to do. I occupy my time watching vague stuff on TV. Last night/this morning I spent my time watching the exhilarating Kenya v/s Canada match. One comment. Anderson Cleophas Cummins. (Cleophas..snigger snigger). Cummins earler played for the West Indies in the early 90s. Was it just my imagination or was the 40 year old Cummins (41 this May) bowling faster than what 22 year old Irfan Pathan is sending down these days.
What amazing fitness I say! To be playing sports at the international level at his age. At this ripe old age of 20 odd I find it difficult to get off the sofa and look for the remote control. This laziness is also one of the reasons I actually watched the game in the first place. It is also responsible for my watching such lovely teleshopping commercials like super slicer and slim sauna belt (the 'babe' in it has nothing to do with it I assure you).
Some might remember Cummins from his role in the Barbados match v/s South Africa. The enthu lot among you who actually bothered to visit the link might remark..Hey! he is not even listed in the scorecard. That is true. When Cummins , a native of Barbados, was left out of the team, the public decided to..no no they didn't burn effigies of Greg Chappel, regional news channel didn't exisit solely because of this event. They didn't even burn down Kensington Oval. They merely boycotted the match. They held aloft a banner proclaming "No Cummings, No Goings" which i thought was hilarious at the time.
When you are most famous for a game you didn't play...

Absolutes.
There are none. There is no absolute right, or absolute wrong. There is, however, Absolut Vodka.

As all of you know, I have very little to do, so I spend my time reading newspapers and watching vague news channels. Especially some extremely biased Hindi news channel, these are the most interesting. It is just like reading communist propaganda (courtsey CPI(ML) ).
Somethings been getting my goat. SMS polls and contests. They started out fine, some quite interesting even. But predictably, they run out of things to ask. This lead us to gems like this one on (I think it was DD news)

1) Who will win the world cup.
A) India B) Sri Lanka

SMS your answers to...blahblahblah

Right! The other teams are there only for the free food is it? Thanks for coming, sorry there is no return gift. You can have this helmet though, it might protect you from the stoning in your home country ( Attn: Chris Gayle..not that kind of getting stoned)

Come on. Who thinks up dumb questions like that. Worse still who spends the princely amount of Rs 6 to participate in such contest. I mean, its not something of earth shattering importance like this one in Deccan Chronicle and I quote

"Which local socialite got married in a lavish manner in Delhi?"
Three choices were given (if you want them go read DC)

It surely a matter of national, nay, international importance. Faaltu issues like Environment, Education and Food security pale in comparison. How will I ever survive without having an opinion/knowledge of such important questions.

Jeev Milkha Singh : Punjab da Putter?


Pinprick but Punjab?

Kya aap shawarma roll khayenge?
Nahin hum dining room mein khaate.

Is desh kya yaaron kya kehana.
Part 1 : Yeh desh hai veer jawaano ka.
(with apologies to Plum)

The Army was abolished with help of Social Justice NGOs, as it has inherent class system, jawans can’t sip whiskey in the DSOA club with Generals and so on, so it was proposed, by various groups to remove this class distinction. “How can you have such a caste system in the army” they cried, “when all men are born equal”. “Henceforth all personnel will have the rank of General and then they can ‘social’ise together wherever they want”. If that isn’t true social justice, I don’t know what is. It seems to work fine in many South American and African republics. And they are all doing very well. They have even got together an OPEC type organisation and export items of clothing, under the brand name “Banana Republic”. As a result of this there was as one would expect) large-scale confusion.

General Somu (formerly Sep. Somu) wonders why he should apply gheru and chunna to the trees when General Singh (formerly General Singh) should travel in his black staff car (with red light and four stars), therefore large scale fighting breaks out and as we all know the army has access to weapons…I will spare you the details…all I will say is that it gave a new meaning to the terms ‘Officer’s Mess’ and ‘General Insanity’. The long and the short of it is that, the army was disbanded and as they did not have a band, they could not march and perform drills.

Major to be new Air Chief Marshall !
Is this the biggest promotion in the history of the armed forces? Across service lines, from the Army to the Air Force.It could well be unless there was a General Naik running around somewhere.
Must have had a tough time at NDA when he would have been Cdt Major.

I can already hear people saying "kyoon tau fauj mein teer nahin maar sake to vayu sena main ghus gaye?"

But on a more serious note, if I remember correctly, this was the same chap who flew the helicopter in that cable car rescue incident sometime in the 90s, cause I remember making the same joke then.