I have always wanted to make a new version of The Phantom of the Opera...I couldn't get enough money to fund it, but I will make a low budget movie called Guran of the Opera.
(Or a really really low budget one called The Devil of the Nautanki .Just make sure Dharmendra is nowhere around during the production.)

Speaking of birds...Why do they fly south for the winter? 'Cause its too far to walk.....Here is some advice .Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Ok 'tis the season to be jolly katte..and by golly we shall be ..If all of us were to be Jolly..Who would be Puri, Malhotra or Ananthanarayanan ..

Why are bees so busy?
'cause they have to keep up with the droneses.
This is not a good sign...They should mind thier own beesnest.

No no I haven't shed this mortal coil yet. Have been pretending to be extremely busy...pretending to be busy is much harder than actually being busy.So those of you who thought that they had finally gotten rid of me..send the cake back to the bakers..or on second thoughts mere ghar ku parcel marke bhejo.(Lekin mera ghar bahut bada hai.usko parcel karke bheje to..post office wale kitna paise lete ki.)

Is that medicine for cold? No for cough.

Just back from the concert....

Vijay Ghate reminds me of Capt. Haddock

Was it just our imagination or did Niladri Kumar play the Top Gun theme on a sitar..errr zitar

Niladri Kumar,Taufiq Qureshi, Vijay Ghate,Pt Dinesh , and a few others....Maaki kya bajaye..mazaa aa gaya

The difference between the old and the not quite so old.

the old (ie. my parents): Arey! Its the wedding recpetion tonight, we had better eat something and go.(dont ask me why anyone would do that I guess you've got to be on the other side of 50 to understand.)

the not so old(ie me): Arey! Its the wedding reception tonight..I had better skip lunch.

I am sure I have that disease..you know ..the one you keep forgetting th

Today allegedy was Bappi Lahiri's budday...How do I know? Well Farishta on the World Space network had an hour long special on his songs...I listened to every one of them....Why on earth did you subject yourself to that you ask? Well I have been keeping ths deep dark secret form most people...
Hi .My name is Australopithecus.I am gulp a Bappi Lahiri fan...
We do exist you know.

Vicissitudes.........sighhhhhhhhhhh

Arey! Why does life persist in trying to teach me lessons which I have no desire to learn.

What do you do when all the Tailors are on stirke: Suit yourself.

What do you do whan all the docotors are on stike? Suture self.

If I ever open a strip club I am going to call it "Thong and Dance"

What have I been upto these last few days you ask? You didn't!! Well I shall proceed to tell you anyway.
Well I have spent the last few days cleaning up the truckloads of mucus that seem to be generated by my body...
If you think that this is disgusting, Hey! I ahven't even come to the part of my narrative where we examine what I did when I could not find a handkerchief or a tissue anywhere around.

Before that I was stuck in Chennai, during the rains.No electricity..Was issued numerous death threats by different members of family for singing Annu Mallik's priceless gem "Dekho baarish ho rahi hai"
For the benifit of those who are not familiar with the song let me elaborate...Those who are familiarwould already have commmited suicide by now.
AM starts of in totally besura pathetic aawaaz (you know like Rafi sahab ka gaana Sonu Nigam ke aawaaz mein similarly we have here Is admi ka gaana..Gadhe ke aawaaz mein)
And so he starts of by braying.
"Dekho baarish ho rahi hai"
And just in case you didn't get that he translates and simplifies in the next line.
"It's raining. It's raining. It's raaaaaaaaaaiinnnning"
Undaunted by the tamater anda missiles, he carries on
"Mera dil ro raha hai"
"My heart is paining.It's paining.It's Paining .It's Paaaainnnnninnnnng"
Arey! Yahin to maar kha gaya Hindustan.Mistook in translation.Like in the subtitles of the D.D Sunday afternoon regional films.The Subtitles were fine untill the film happend to be in a language you could actually follow.What was even better was that they translated songs and put the subtitles for that as well. you could be watching the most depressing film ever made, but the subtitles would never fail to elicit a chuckle or two.
But we were encouraged actually by AM's pain in the err heart..we thought he would be ..you know katofying his ticket soon.Alas it was not to be. He still survives and torments us.

Crappy Diem: A lousy day?

Arey! I saw a magic car.
Eh! What?
You see it was going down the road and then suddenly it turned into a gully. Magic..

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plains? Well I am in Chennai now and I wish the rain would catch a plane to Spain or even Burundi...The Airport is flooded , no trains are leaving or arriving in Chennai Central (psst unlike Hyderabad central one doesn't usually buy overpriced clothes here..food and drink maybe.)...so looks like I'm stuck here for a few days....more on the kidnapping etc when I'm not on dial up.

"Stand up and be counted" they said.
If I knelt down would I be knighted?

Arise Sir Australopithecus.


Aight! am off now. family is abducting me and taking me to various places...I shall be back in a few days.Till then, for entertainment read the CPI(ML) site.
Best entertainment possible.
Innit weird that CPI(ML) is protesting against the Government for failing to control violence.

So there I was all nice and well dressed setting off to work. just as I passed the colony gate (1.3 km from home) the phone rings (what else will it do? sing bulla ki jaana and turn cartwheels? well those days are nto faar away i tell you. cell phones are getting smaller adn smaller ..some makers are giving free 400X microscope to spot the phone.with imersion oil also).But I digress. So the phone ring and on the other end was the boss telling me.".Oh good morning Australopithecus.How are you." Just as I was about to launch into a lenghty description of various aches and pains (both real and imagined) When the boss continues "Yeah .Austra, we dont really need you here today, take it easy .Enjoy yourself"....Whoa! this was like being back at school. when you reach teh gate and find that school is closed cause some leader snuffed it :D.I was jumping all the way back home...All that was missing was a Milton kool-keg water bottle.If I had that I would have swung it round and round and run home.....Remind me again....how old am I ?

I like my office, they share their premisis with a publishing company..boletho full of books the place is. Last few days in the office were spent surreptitiously reading Tintin comics...I love it I tell you....

A one-celled creature found recently may be in the process of kidnapping and incorporating an even tinier plant to use as a living energy source.

One question.Did they find this organism in Bihar?

H B M..

From Succubus

We have decided on a the date (finally)
But the place is still undecided … we are open for polls
Tentative places for meet up:

Eat street (necklace road)
Coffee day (any fucking one- as of now)
Baristta (any fucking one- as of now)


Any other joint … provided a large number of noisy people are allowed to hang around with out spending little or no money.


As of now…

Any Blogger planning to be in the twin cities on the
29th of October 05
needs to watch this space …
for details on the next official
HBM

Ps: requesting old timers username password to http://hbm.rediffblogs.com and the rest to pass the word, the names and email ids of those who can be contacted for details will be posted later, but please feel free to copy paste this baby on your blogs…

the more the merrier katte!!!

*HBM stands for hyderabad bloggers meet...Plizz naat to conphuse with HBO. No movies here.Don't expect Demi Moore either...and its More the merrier and not Moore the merrier :D

While aimlessly flipping channels,I chanced upon...(Fanfare .[Kya bole? Fanfare aur stardust nahin padhtin?] the best movie ever made....most brilliant.Kubric would have stood up and applauded.The particular scene that I had thegood fortune to watch involved the hero,apparently just arrived in some Videshi Mulk asks the locals "Kya yeh Canada hai?"Chutiiiiiiyaaaa.Where did you think you were? Lakdi ka pul?Can't see these gore log eh? what you thought? By mistake came into shooting of ad for fair and lovely? along with special industrial strenght hair bleach..Oh and when you were in the airport, im sure the "Welcome to CANADA" sign posts weren't too helpful. Maybe he misread them and though someone was offering a spoken Kannada course. How did he get through the Customs and Immigration? Arey when a hindi film's hero can survive being shot by all the bulllets in the Namibian army (23 nos only) why can't he forget escape immigration check.
Let us talk about the hero now.What amazing acting i tell you.He emotes like a piece of marble.Who ever cast him certainly lost his marbles.He probably even had to sell his undies to make up the money for making such a dud .By dud i refer to both the film and the hero.I think the movie was called Bekhudi. Starring Kajol and Kamal Sadhana.Dig this.I did a google search for Kamal Sadhana.and i came up with this blog as the 1st site on the list.

Airy-Fairy Tale

Long long ago.In a land far far away.Even further than Jhumritallaya. There lived and evil dwarf called Crumpledforeskin.He was the survivor of a circumcision accident.A jewish moyel had invented this new circumsicion machine prototype which drasticly malfunctioned,leading to CF's condition and by extension [get it ;)] his name.whic also explained his attitude toward life and peopl in general...I mean.He felt that he had been "shortchanged" if you catch my drift.And also he found it difficult to pick up girls.He was too short and they were too heavy.To exact revenge he used to sneak into circumsicion ceremonies and yell BOO! just as the deed was going to be done.As you can imagine,this often had tragic outcomes.
But Crumpledforeskin had a special gift.He could see dead people...oops wrong story.No he really did have a gift.his parents gave it to him,for his 12th birthday.It was a Mitsubishi Lancer.When CF was zooming around in his car, He couldnt see the road at all,Which made life more interesting, well if not life, then death at any rate, was now more interesting of course, when the people he crushed under his car went to heaven they felt superior to the lowly ones who had died ofcommon things like STD, Legionary's disease, and Shekhar Suman.For real enjoyment he used to scatter marbles before blind men and exchange the leash of their seeing eye dog to a rope tied to the rounte 45 bus.
He had one more special talent.He could fart on demand.This made him very popular with the renewable energy ministry as a source of biogas. They pleaded with him to help them solve theirenergy crisis, but CF being evil personified just farted in the energy ministers face.and ran away. well he tried to being about a foot and a half tall (just a little taller than Amir Khan).The Beautiful princess of the kingdom saw him and thought that he was a cockroach They hit him with a rubber chappal by mistake, thinking he was a roach (Periplaneta americana).That was the end of Solomon Grundy..err Crumpledforeskin

Parson Alladin was arrested by excise officials, for transporting Gin without a permit.

BCCI : Bored Crooks and Clowns in India

Whoa. Just a minute, I must have changed the channel by accident, I was looking for the BCCI elections and not the Bihar elections. With so much drama, repoll , boothcapturing, proxy voting, ineligable candidates.MP's I was wondering if it is the BCCI elections or the Bihar elections.
One thing is for sure, both have the largest collection of crooks (politician -crook same thing) going around.Only in the BCCI (till now) the thugery was more subtle.

Scenes from the meeting are not unlike any random Legistlative Assembly or even the Parliament. Any Parliamentarian worth his salt would have been proud of the way in which the proceedings were disturbed.

Parallel to the e-mail leak of course was news of KGB infiltration etc in the Govt. in the 70's. No one cared too much about that. We were more worried about how many supporters Sharad Pawar had.

Let us take a look at the main players of the Game. The "Game" does not refer to Cricket.

Jaggu Bhai BCCI: Oh Definitely Crook Category.

Run_there _is_ Beer Singh : Clown/Crook/Chamcha

Laaloo Panjoo: Crook^N. Jahan Samose mein Aalo Wahan hai Laaloo. After exhausting all other ways to make a quick illegal buck, here he is now.

Arun Tetleytea: He is into Cricket now?

Sharad Power (go get it):

Raj Singh: Oh! Very much in the Clown catagory, bordering on the Buffoon category.

I.S.Bindra.: Background mein Bindra Chamkega plays (to the tune of Bindia chamkegi)

Lalit Modi: who the hell is he? who cares.

How do you know you are getting old? When the songs of your bachpan come on MTV/VH1 Classic...Along with songs from your father's bachpan.

A:When I was in school I played Julius Ceaser
B: Who won?

I had so many things to say as I was typing in my username and password. As soon as the page loaded ...Poof they disappear.

You are my Chicken fry.You are my fish fry.

My job has led me to appreciate all the schools I've been to. They were not that bad after all. Some weer comparitively downright fucking awesome.

oooooo Kreeeeeeeeshnaaaaaaaaaaa youv aaaare theee greatest myuzishyuuuuun aaf theese waarld

Starting a Blog is a good thing to do, like Donating to Charities or shooting Salman Khan or even Saurav Ganguly.

Subah-Subah jab khidki kholoon, baajoo vali ladki hai! Dil mera bole "Hello! How are you?".

Mindless.

Subah ko cheh baje raat hoti hai.

NC is back to old ways.30 people arrested this week . Maaki.Dil khush ho gaya. I was begining to wonder what happend to college.Somethings never change

Savali saloni teri jheel si aankhen,

I'm losing it.Fastly.

Hey! I am no longer unemployed.I've landed myself a job. It involves Loafing and Talking.two of my favourite things to do..and these people are going to give me money to do it. This money can buy me booze. Waht more could one ask for.

Chemsitry is pHun?

After years err..ok minutes of research online I have found.



Fucitol !!!
Although this sounds like what an undergraduate chemist might exclaim
when their synthesis goes wrong, it's actually an alcohol, whose
other names are L-fuc-ol or 1-deoxy-D-galactitol. It gets its
wonderful trivial name from the fact that it is derived from the
sugar fucose, which comes from a seaweed found in the North Atlantic
called Bladderwrack whose latin name is Fucus vesiculosis.
Interestingly, there are a few articles in the Journal of Biochemistry
throughout 1997 concerning a kinase enzyme which acts on fucose.
The creators of these articles were Japanese, and seemed to have
missed the fact that fucose kinase should not be abbreviated as
'fuc-K'. Similarly, the E. coli K-12 Gene has other proteins that
have been named Fuc-U and Fuc-R.

Please read this post for MBD guide....



The full sign reads Anus Hair styling and beauty parlour..
Thanks to R..who took the photo..just to get me to shut up.

Burkina Faso

Read the advertisement for some Educational Consultants "Visa and Financial Aids guaranteed" Financial AIDS? Nakko! I've heard of being screwed by educational consultants, but this is littel too much don't you think?
Well there are others that promise you affordable education and guaranteed Visa to Bulgaria, or Burkina Faso type places.Burkina Faso..Does it even have a counsulate in India ? Oh and I haven't even started on those shady job and auto consultants.

Q:If you see a consultant on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.


Edit: I have been informed that Burkina Faso does indeed have an embassy in India
Embassy of Burkina Faso in IndiaG-5, Anand Niketan110021New Delhi

Arey Sholay is now being remade.We all know who is playing Gabbar Singh.Since this is the case im sure teh dialogues would undergo a little modification

Scene: Gabbar is walking on rock playing with his...belt.

GS: (Hain)Kitne aadmi the?(hain)
A: Sardar...Do aadmi the.
GS: SAHI JAWAAB! Aap jeettein hain ek hazaar rupay.(Kaash mein un dono aadmiyon ko lock kar sakta)
.
.
.
GS : Arey o Samba! kitna inaam sarkar rakhe hain hum par?
Samba: Purey Pachas Hazaar.
GS: Sahi Jawaab.Sarkaar ne hume lock kar ne ko pure pachaas hazaar inam rakhe hain(hain)
lekin pachas hazaar kyon(hain?) jab aap jeet sakte hain umeed se dugna!
.
.
.
GS: Yahan se 50 - 50 kos door gaon mein(nahin nahin [hain!]yeh life line wala fifty fity nahin hain) jab bachcha
raat ko rota hai to maa kehti hain ki 'beta so jao nahin to gabbar uncle hot seat pe bithayega'.
.
.
.

GS: Kitni goli hai iske andar?
B: huh?
GS: Kitni goli hai?(hain?)
B : 6 sardar
GS: 6 Goli aur aadmi 3.Ab main in 3 haramzadon ko 2-2 goli maroonga
B: hain! Leking part 1 mein Gabbar ek goli hi maarta hai.
GS: yeh mera naya slogan hai(n). Umeed se dugna!

Old Chemists never die.We just stop reacting.

My name is Bond, Ionic Bond;
Taken, not shared!

What does one do if one can't zwim? Zinc

What does one do with a dead body? Barium in a krypt-on
Maybe he was killed oxydentally.
They should have seen the doctor first, he'd Curium.
Ah, barium anyway, just to see how he reacts.better though to have helium.


Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to herhusband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen myjoules!""Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and refluxa moment. Perhaps they're mislead.""No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette ... We must call a copper."Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms,said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the nameof Lawrence Ium."We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, anddangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I cancatch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in anactivated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ... -- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"


See H20 is water,what is H204?

Neutrons have mass aa? I didn't know they were Catholic!

The problem with movies these days, is that even low budget ,loser types are well packaged and marketed.No more Kishen Kumars' , Kamla Sadhanas etc.Even Ichchadari Naag flicks have become full posh ,the last one I saw did not include a rain dance .What is the world coming to I say! Ichchadari Naag films without heroine dressed in white clothes dancing in the rain.Whats next? Shakeela doing the role of someone's grandmother?

From Monty Python and the Holy Grail

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!
King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together. King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: We found them.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur: What do you mean?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone
King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
King Arthur: Please!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?
Arthur: I'm not interested!
Soldier #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
Soldier #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point. Soldier #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
Soldier #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
Soldier #2: Oh, yeah...
Soldier #1: So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway... [clop clop clop]
Soldier #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
Soldier #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
Soldier #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
Soldier #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
Soldier #2: Well, why not?

Jack of all trades.Master of Science.
Yes ladles and jellyspoons.Pappu Pass ho gaya.

Communist indoctination centres : School for Socialist Sciences?

Can we not then call finishing schools (you know like they have in die Schweiz.which one must distinguish from die Scheiße) School for Social Studies?

"Hetero' Sapien.

I shall write a book called Hairy Pothead and the Half-Wit Prince. It deals with the effectsof smoking marijuana.
Thats great innit? but what are these pink elephants doing here?

Have you heard the song "Oh!Gimme a home,where the buffaloes roam and the deer and antelope play"
Well I am almost there..Lots of buffaloes here, and the other day i saw an ant run err fly away with a dragonfly.

Driving near my place sucks big time...We have problems, if the monsoon is poor, now that it has been pouring cats, dogs and kangaroos.there is anotehr problem.the roads, have taken quite a beating. It is like the surface fo the moon here. I can apply to NASA for filling the position of driver..unfortunately they dont have too much use of 4 Irons, but a sand wedge would come in handy.

What is the difference between a bird and a fly?

Internet is back in my life, and I'm back to my old blogging ways.So what have I been doing you ask?You din't? You don't care what I've been doing?Oho!So as punishment I'm going to tell you.MWHAHA. Thats even worse than frog jumps.Let us start now.Well I have been experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms.Crazy thoughts have come to me like "Why are all Chinese secrets ancient?What happened to the new ones?" Well this can be easily attributed to the big brother phenomenon.Where big brother with the one child norm you ask? One child norm? Is that the law whereby if you only have one child you must call him Norm? .
Why are these ancient Chinese secrets so well publicised? How are they secrets then? Are Koreans and Japanese better at keeping secrets?
Been reading Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince. So What happens in it is....Thud.
[That was the sound of a lead lined cosh hitting the head of this blogger.The blogger's family thrreated him with drastic consequences if he were to leak his vital information.He didnot listen...]

Stepping out of the house in bright sunshine, I was amazed to feel rain falling on my head.I was just about to make Burt Bacharach have a major stroke (you know, sing "raindrops keep falling on my head" and sing it "loudly and clearly" as our music master in school used to say.)
I looked up to investigate this miracle of nature, bright sunshine and still pouring rain (I have been thing of writing a book with this title :D).As I looked up I saw..Superman..no no it was just Mr C's kid zipping up his trousers, as I realised the rain also had stopped. I am no rocket scientist (they wouldn't let me near the Dept err of err Rocket Science or even Aeronautical Engg.) but even i could figure out that there was a connection.So I asked "Oh! hello Babloo.What have you been upto."
"watering your garden" he says.
my mind started racing (at odds 12:3 for the 3 o'clock race) I arrived at the answer cos^2theeta + sin^2theeta =1.That didnt help too much(you see im running XP), so I rebooted the brain (see one good kick is what it needs hence the term 'boot' and 'reboot').I finally arrived at the answer !!&^^%$ I need a shower. and no,not the Babloo kind.
Moral of the story "Being mistaken for a Sulabh complex is not good for one's self esteem,or even ones self Swift"

Monsoon.

Aah, I love the rain.Especially when I am nice and dry in my house.I have the same opinion of the cold, the heat, and if there is something I missed out I probably have the same opinion of that as well.
What I do not love is standing at a bus stop waiting for a bus when its pissing rain.Sudden downpour, as if some one pulled the flush lever on a toilet.It leaves the roads slushy, with drains flooding and sewage mixing freely with rain water (rain water and drain water become one.Reminds me of 'Mile sur mera tumhara"or even "Mile sewer mera tumhara" ).Suddenly a bus appears, and in the following riot that ensues, a least four people get pushed into the muck, those are the lucky ones.If you've ever travelled in a jam packed bus in the rain, you will know what I mean. the wonderful mixture of smells that waft your way are the least of your problems, the most annoying thing is the drops of water leaking from the roof that fall on the most uncomfortable of places..like a chinese water drip torture. one can almost imagine Fu-Manchu laughing and rubbing his hands together with relish (why not mayonnaise asks my mother.Now you can see Mendel had a point.).So,if you are one of those who says "I love the rains" you should probably take a trip in an overcrowded APSRTC bus,that should prove to be an interesting experience.

The last book I bought

Bunty aur Babli

"The rest is silence." Hamlet Act V, Scene II

Net conked out for 10 days. makikirkiri.even I ran out of abuses to hurl at the internet chap.
(yes yes i even tried chipkali ke chut ke pasine)
Anyhow the last few days have been amazing fun. I am still gainfully unemployed, and loving it.
A lot of friends have come to town.The entire gang met up.members of which are now spread over four different continents, good coordination on their part ,getting here at the same time.
conversation drifted to reality shows,all the vagueo shows they get in various parts of the world.Hey! I dont even watch the vagueo shows we get here.Reality "TV" katte .As I've said before:If I want reality,I'll look out of the window.
now I am tired I shall go and catch some sleep.just came here to mark my attendance.

Once two dudes were happily going on a motorcycle, A was sitting behing holding his.....friend's guitar.Suddenly aforemention and in front seated friend saw potti on road and swerved a bit in excitement, adding to Chicha's(who was right behind them, on his motorcycle) already full list of woes. Though he took it quite nicely i must say.What he said sounded remarkably like "Banjo!".A replied "nahin Chicha Guitar hai!".Even in such moment that Chicha was keen on Music.

Chennai Chronicless:part one

Almost two full days here.Right from the frying pan into the pressure cooker.It.is.hot.and.humid...but then what did I expect?
Full action filled two days it has been.On Day1 ate lunch cooked by grandmom, mmmm .followed by hogging at hotel and later at aunts house,a trip to the beach(no no not Marina) and at long last i watched....hold your breath....(fanfare)Chandramukhiall I have to say about the film is...lakalakalakalakalakalaka....Repeatey!Only to be seen if you are a true Rajni fan..but if you were a rajni fan,you would have seen it 23 times already..exactly Repeatey!.This is one movie you have to leave your brain at home.since one of those aforementioned items(ie"brain")was not issued to me due to a minor clerical error.I enjoyed the film thoroughly.The movie affected us so much that we suddenly decided to go on a road trip the following day,also forgetting to inform another cousin of ours.Day2:Cruising down the East Coast road in a fast car, with miles davis playing..mazaa camed.The day involed interaction with snakes :D,ancient monuments and a freshly excavated monument, a chat with an Archeological Survey employee..hogging at hotel, more fun on EC road,collecting shells on an empty beach,having sucicidal tendency of trying to drive car on sand(we got stuck btw). just missed sqeezing in a show of bunty aur babli a few minutes earlier and....will give more updates when interesting things hapen

Doorbell: Ting Tong
Sleepy Me:yaaaaaawwwwwn,Kaun hai?
Man at door(MAD )(smirk): Saar I yam fraam !#$! (name of workplace).
Me: (Irritated at having Seista interrupted) Congratulations.To main kya karna?
MAD: Saar, saary to disturbed you saar hehe.We are hyaving this new praaduct saar.
Me(wakes up properly at words New and Product): what what?
MAD : saar this is special gyas saving device saar.
(proceeds to show me gizmo that looks like a pygmy race of our normal gas regulator)
Me: Arey yeh kya regulator ka bachcha hai.
MAD :No saar. yit ees gas saving device saar.
Me : arey yes woh sunliye yaron! how does it work?
MAD:Sar inside yit is having ya myagnyet?
Me: Kya cheez?
MAD :Myagnyet myagnyet (makes wierd motions with hands..that would get him arrested for public indecency if he tried that in a different context)
Me : ooooooooh magnet? (It dawns, at 3:30 PM)
MAD : ess saar.(now convinced I am dumb ,tries to go in for the kill)It yis having the magnet.When the gyas maalecules are to be passing through myagnyet the molecules numbers are increasing.
Me :(started applauding) Great! Who developed this? he will pakka get a Nobel for this.A miraculous device that increases the number of molecules...maaki.Quick! does it work on gold?
MAD : Hain?what?
Me: (with half a mind to give him a science lesson.)Hehe no thanks not interested.
MAD: Goes away thinking "what mad charachters I have to deal with"
Did I say mad ? I meant, of course-"Myad"

Arey ive got severe bloggers block...this calls for an urgent consultation with Dr Dhingra .
Dr Dhingra calls for a large vodka and lime.After downing it says "aah that was nice..Now what was your problem again?"
Quack!..Ill dose myself with the vodka and lime.
Oh yeah there was a sequel to the preious Anus beauty parlour joke, was driving down same road with maternal parent when saw the same sign again...It almost caused me to run off the road laughing...of course when i explained this to the parent, she was not impressed.I wonder why. Well further down the road we came across a sign adertising a beauty parlour of the same name but with a different spelling! it was Anoo's.It caused the mater to remark"Hmph, must associate with someone with as filthy a mind as yours!".I thought to myself at this time. "That would be impossible"

Today looking out of the bus as it was passing through Sainikpuri, I saw this sign that read ANUS...It was a beauty parlor or somthing, I didn't pay proper attention,I was distracted by the name .I was wondering what the world was coming to,I heard of people specialising in manicure and pedicure, but this is the limit...On closer examination (A thousand cheap jokes ran through my head as soon as I typed this) I found that it was ANU'S Beauty Parlor that was being advertised.From dooram I couldn't see the apostrophe.Phew! Things are not that bad...yet.

Inspired by NS, I will also write about Traffic, ever since i moved to this village.I have been doing a terrific amout of driving. around 40Km a day, (yes I know lots of people do that much and more everyday..but compared to driving 0 km on most days...)
I have come to the conclusion that most hyderabadi drivers consider the most important piece of equipment in their cars to be...(fanfare) The Horn.We are very "Horny",(insert comment from old Mr M.R.K.M.S.T.W.Raju :"what on the roads also?chichi)....what a louuuuuuuulllllllllly feeling to be greeting by a short businesslike PAARRrrrrrrrrrp or a more musical honk..In fact some people have horns that make sounds like a yeti being castrated (trust me, I've lived in the Himalayas)It sounds like a moan,shout,shriek and a whimper all mixed together..it is the most startling sound you can hear, especialy late at night,when you are driving half asleep or dead drunk,that will wake you up.
Now when are these horns utilised ie under what conditions(it shows nah I studied chem bolke)
No not only at STP...They are an anythime anywhere sort of thing.
Some cases when horns are used
I'm feeling bored, let me honk
I'm feeling irritated, let me honk,
I see someone who looks like Chiranjeevi, let me honk.
Hey I see a person with a mustache (Have you any idea how many men adn women in this city have mustaches?)
I haveloosemotionsgetoutofmywayfast.honkkkkkkkkkkkk
lanjakoduku overtaking from right....honk(this is Hyderabad,we dont drive to the left or to the right..but in the middle)
Hot chick..honk honk
bastard hoooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkk
my job sucks hoooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

A: i just had a soy milk shake
A : chocolate flavoureed
A: i cant stand anyother flavour soya milk
A : or even the woken up vareity
Blogger formerly known as Neurotica(B) : woken up variety?
A : soya
A : zzzzzzzzzzzzz
B : shudnt that go to the blog?
A : no no enough self dabba
A : im having full bloggers block so what the heck...
A : if we dont do self dabba who willl maro dabba for us?
B : exactly

Went to a restaurant the other day, it had the usual veg and non veg items on the menu, I was busy scaning the menu when suddenly ,I saw the item -Human Fried rice....
Shit...This is one place you must always pay your bill...otherwise, tum ich kal ka Human Fried Rice ban jaate...that must be because due to shifting of slaughterhouses away from the city Ghosht ka daam bad gaya.
on a similar note (C Minor)

Recipe for Achari Ghosht:
First take a bottle of Achar.
Now kill it.
Its ready.

"Are you a communist?"he asked, probably because at that time the long hair,beard and khadi kurta kind of hinted at that."No,I.Am an opportunist"
That was years ago, reminded me of a line from Mr&Mrs 55 (i think) "Kya tum Communist ho?" GD:"Nahin! Main Cartoonist hoon"
But coming back to the mater at hand...I see a whole lot of people like that, oppurtunistic..Aaj SFI mein...to elections ke baad ABVP mein or vice versa depending on who wins the election...
and everytime militantly propagating the views of the organistation they are currently in...how easy is it to do a complete volte-face and propagate opposing views with the same intensity.In NC views were demonstrated in various ways, breaking window panes,and bones, throwing bricks, shouting "Principal down down" more effective would have been to shout "Principal, Up yours"

If you get drunk in the French capital city.Are you plastered in Paris?

A Short-toed eagle, Image from www.rarebirdphotography.co.uk

Bird of prey (The Doors)

Bird of prey,
Bird of prey,
Flying high,
Flying high,
in the summer sky

Bird of prey,
Bird of prey,
Flying high,
Flying high,
Gently Passing By

Bird of prey,
Bird of prey,
Flying high,
Flying high,
Am I going To Die?
Bird of prey,
Bird of prey,
Flying high,
Flying high,
Take me on your Flight

Meri Desh ki Dharti.

Finally finished shifting houses, I now officially live in the back of beyond. first reach beyond phir second left,3rd right,phir seeeeeeeedha chale jao. stop just before you go to heck..what is heck you might ask, as a wise(ass) man once said "heck is where you go to if you dont believe in gosh".Actually my area is now becoming "full posh" the kallu compounds are giving way to permit room types.Hey but technology is fast catching up. I dont have a phone, i dont have TV, But Internet is here :D.
seriously, BSNL hasn't laid phone lines here ,(though i hear a few linesmen have laid....err never mind).Arey there are fields 100 odd yards from my house...On the good side, i can try and patao some gaon ki gori type. I have practiced specific pick up lines..eg"Basanti, Tumhara naam kya hai ?" (of course in the flick it was Jai who said and not veeru).
On a Happier note. I finished writing what would hopefully be my last eggjam for a while ...lets wait till the results before I say anymore.

I am going to start a cult, for clumsy people wonly.I am going to call it The Ku Klutz Klan. We shall all wear white sheets and keep tripping over them, and set fire to them attempting to put up burning crosses (a tip: first put the cross up and then burn it)

Discussion on MCP Dialogues from hindi flicks..

Biwi khaana garma karti hai aur rakhel bistar..

A:Yaar ye kya microwave oven se shadi karega kya?
B: Hehe would give a new meaning to the term "a hot wife"
A: But he'd better watch out though..you while having"shareeric Sambandh"
C:Why?
A: 'Cause microwaves se cancer hota hai...And you know you dont want to get it in the wrong places?
B: Like there is a right place?
C: microwave se shaadi, this is like "biwi naram padosan garam" gone ulta.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk......Anon.

Ok .I am kinda neglecting my blog..what to do, I am suffering from severe endsemitis..A condition brought on every 6 months or so, wherin 4 months of notes is squeezed into a brain ,the size of a pea...or at least we try...we dont always succeed though .Endsemitis also has effect on the nervous system, and a very nervous system at that...It causes the brain sometimes to short circuit, sending all the impulses haywire...causing people to make Nobel winning statements like "When the atom inside the electron is excited"....This is it people, the slog overs, wherein the asking rate is steadily climbing, even as i waste time typing this.so I go, but I come back eh?

bus stop batku......what to do.we are like that wonly.kindly do adjustment.

Gross encounters of the turd kind.

The Sewage line of the colony got blocked.Therefore all the remanants of what people ate yesterday, ended up in my garden.(and i dont mean the paper the family pack biryani came in).Why did it choose my garden i wonder..now at least i wont have to spend money for fertilizer.But the smell.....gag..As Non-Sensei suggested maybe i should play a game and see if i can identify my own turd when it resurfaces in my garden.

When life seems to be moving smoothly, it has a tendancy to screech to a testicle twisting halt.This is why "support" is necessary. Good support prevents emergency visit to the andrologist.

Venue: Sangeet theater (note : it is a cinema theater)

Question : Oooooooooh!! What are you doing here..

Some possible answers that run through me head:
I'm here to have my gall bladder removed.Wanna watch?
I'm here for the adventure sports.Standing in queues for one hour trying to get tickets is an adrenalin rush.
You see I have this rash....
I'm collecting air samples to do studies on communicable diseases. theaters are the best places to get maximum germs in sample.
I came to steal the tomatoes from the sandwiches.
MWHAHAH.Death to the infidel dogs.I have B.anthracis in this vial.
Ghar mein paani nahin aara. I thought I'd bathe in the loo here.In the washbasin.
Sabu applied formula 93 and so I landed here from Bhatinda.

"Sabu.Apply formula number 93"

The Centipede- Ogden Nash

I objurgate the centipede,
A bug we do not really need.
At sleepy-time he beats a path
Straight to the bedroom or the bath.
You always wallop where he's not,
Or, if he is, he makes a spot.

Don't sweat the petty things.More importantly don't pet the sweaty things.

If it all made sense,it wouldn't be as much fun.

Its a mad mad world

The Prof walks into the class glares at all of us,then turns to the board and writes in capital letters SOD.
We thought,this was it, the Prof had finally lost it after years of teaching faaltu people like us and associating with chimpanzees err i mean the other professors .He had finally, lost control...
Alas this was not to be for after a brief pause he started talking about SuperOxide Dismutase.

Next class prof walks in looks at us and says"You off the fans my sound is not be vijible to you all"

Another one. Prof looks at us and asks "what is the region?"
As usual I was asleep and was woken up by nudge from classmate.
Prof repeated "what is the region"
I almost said Telangana.but i realised in time that I was pursuing a masters degree in Chemistry and not Geography, so I wondered what region had to do with it...then slowly it dawned on me...he was looking for a reason. for something...of course due to circumstances beyond my control like sleep...I could not answer that question and stated so...

I think I have a reasonable high threshold for tolerating so called 'bad smells', I guess it is because of the long hourse spent in various labs,or maybe it was just the stinking loos in NC that caused this resistance.Now till a few days ago I would have classified the worst smell I have experienced as being that of a blood sample gone bad..man you can smell that right across a lab...but that was before I met Mr S.This guy stinks so badly.Rumour has it that he was chucked out from the hostel for this reason. his former room mates tell me that the guy hadn't had a bath or washed his clothes ever since he joined the hostel two years ago. I mean to be chucked out of OU hostel takes some doing.Many people have even raised thier familes there...Now this guy insists on sitting just in front of me in class ,believe me ..I havent come across worse forms of torture..I'll even take my 8th class hindi master's "wall-chair" punishment.This is the only time I was gratefull I had a cold....Did I tell you he doesnt belive in brushing his teeth either....We know the guy has entered the university campus.We get the "charachteristic odour" when S reaches the Uni gate.considering the Uni gate is about a kilometer and a half from the department(at least).Maybe we could harness his power.Use lock him up in a perfume factory and unleash on "dushman desh" during times of international unrest and such like, like a sort of nucelar detterent, worse than mustard gas or nerve gas.

This Friday evening ,I had a cold and a fever.But at least the Sax was great.

Courtroom Scene
Ab aap Geeta pe haath rakh kar ...
Defendant: Arey! Pehle Rita pe haath lagaya to jail bhijaye...Ab aap ich kehrein Geeta pe haat rakho...

Intense boredom. I now understand what that feels like.Usually my overactive imagination and the voices in my head keep me entertained.But this Prof is so Boring (notice the capital B) that even the voices in my head have either fallen asleep or commited suicide.siigh no more self entertainment for me.

(DB) : Oooh. Its so hot and uncomfartable without AC.

Right!!!! This I hear after travelling in a jam packed suburban bus.During rush hour.With not enough room to stand on both legs (I was perched like a fucking flamingo[I dont mean like a Flamingo involved in intercourse..you get it right?]), to top all that I'm wearing a high polyester content wallah shirt..oh im not finished..the guy whos armpit my face was shoved against hadnt had a bath or chaned for weeks..smelt of beedis,toddy and stale sweat.(yes again..that mixture of smells keeps bloody haunting me)....and you bitch are cribbing cause its 31C outside and you dont have an AC.Uncomfortable katte....maaakikirkiri

Whats a fine for doing wrong?....hehe a Syn Tax
Whats a Syntax error?....A mistake made while filing your Syntax

Naxals

Would you call the ancient house of ill repute a 'Whory' edifice?

Would you call the ancient house of ill repute a 'Whory' edifice?

If Ganguly was fined 100% match fee.
Could we say he was "cash"trated?

A : "I'm Down in the dumps"
B : Arey! then see if you can find my favourite T-shirt that my mom threw away.

Arey! Algebra must have been easy for Roman dudes.Whatever they did X always was 10.

Consider
3X + 4X = 7; What is the value of X (5 marks)

Never mind whatever you get on solving...behenchod...X is always 10...But I'm sure if I tried thatt during my maths exam I'd have flunked big time..but since I anyway flunked...might have beeen worth a try..

Correct wonly they tolded. An idle mind is Shaitan Chichcha's workshop wonly.Full fabrication he will to be doings .

In capitalism, man exploits man.
In socialism it's the other way round.

The days of good English has went. :D

The voices in my head keep telling me not to listen to the voices in my head.I don't know if I should listen to them or not.

The voices in my head keep telling me not to listen to the voices in my head.I don't know if I should listen to them or not.

The voices in my head keep telling me not to listen to the voices in my head.I don't know if I should listen to them or not.

Arey! these Ghutka Barons are full in trouble for thier alleged nefarious activities, so did this involve "supari" killings?

A cross dressing man is wanted for robbery. Sohail Abbas watch out. The police are looking for a drag flicker.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Guy comes: Shows SFI calender with Che Guevara's photo printed on it and says "See this is Ch. Guruvayya, he was a Naxalite in AP" .Chut. What is the point of subscribing to an ideology, if you have no clue about it, or about the people who helped shape it.

Maaki. Kahan kahan se aa jate logan.

R:Baap!. Whats the most tragic thing about Sholay?"
A:What?
RYou see.Gabbar not only bumps off Thakurs wife and all but also chops off his hands...so you know....
A:Arey I see your point.
R:So what do you think he did to .ahem.relieve the tension? looked for holes in trees of correct height?
A:that and. also Dhanno kis din kaam ayegi
R:Galeez Makeode.

"Teachers" Special

The Mantra goes:

Guru RUMa Guru WHISKEY
Gurudevo GINeshwara.
Guru sakshat ParaBRANDY
TASMACshree BEERenamahaa

Ladles and Jellyspoons: The Kiwi has landed.

Calling Brig. Kaul 's daughters "Kaul girls" can be hazardous to your health.

The Question is not whether Existance precedes Essence or vice versa..It is "What kind of Idiot puts Vanilla Essence in sandwich bread?".

Rest in Peace.

For some strange reason my net connection is acting up I find myself unable to post comments on my blog again..so therefore I bring you.......Doodleboard.

Request Denied.
G_ F_CK Y__R S_LF.
Want to buy a vowel?
Do you have bad vowel movement?

A child was misbehaving by protesting loudly and rudely, waving boards with crazy slogans on, while guests were visiting. He was punished for having mad banners.

Excuse me...I'm suffering from overwork and bloggers block...err not exactly overwork as such..maybe from err overloafing.I'm juggling classes in two different places just 30 Km apart.so full mazaa is caming..especially when i bunk both places and go watch a movie.

The Year Transplant is complete.
Here is wishing everybody a very Happy New Year...


I can't comment on my own blog aaaaaaiiiiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaa.